Where I Belong
by DreamQuill
Summary: Edward Cullen is a top country music star. He has groupies on every continent and all the Jack Daniels he can drink. When he returns home to Tennessee to face his past, he realizes he left more behind than his first love, Bella. Canon, AH, Mature
1. Chapter 1: Take Me Home

A/N:_ This is my Fic for Nashville entry. It's only going to be one chapter after this with alternating E/B views/flashbacks. I hope you enjoy Countrymusicward and add him to your list of favorite Edwards. I'm going to update LAMTAF and all my fics this week so stay tuned. I love you guys. You make me so happy. Kisses and hugs._

**Disclaimer: **SM owns it. I make it my own

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_**EPOV**_

It was ten after midnight and my fans were on their last encore of the night. As usual, I closed with my first hit song, _Tennessee Queen_. It was a favorite among the women and they'd pull their men close and slow dance to the music.

_"In her eyes, I see my future__. In her smile, my heart resides__. About one thang I'm only too sure__. This little gal will be my bride…"_

Not surprisingly, my mind drifted back to the gal that had been the inspiration to this song. I met her when I was seven years old and she owned my heart ever since. I'd loved that gal with everything in me, which was why I left her.

_***Flashback (age 7)***_

_I was in the field of our family farm helping my brothers Emmett and Jasper milk the cows. Emmett was the biggest ten year old in the county. His dark brown hair and dark blue eyes gave him a bully look, but my brother had a heart of gold. Jasper was what my mom called 'a tall drink of water'. At age nine, he was all blond ringlets and cornflower blue eyes. I was the odd man out. Sometimes my dad, Carlisle joked that I wasn't his son because I looked so much like my mama._

_"You leave Alice alone, James Masen. She's only five. You're sposed to know better than to pick on her."_

_I looked behind me to see who that voice belonged to. and that was when I saw her. She was all scabbed knees and tangled brown braids. I stood rooted to the spot until James pushed her down hard against the ground. Then, I got up, ran over, and jumped on his back. The little brown-haired girl was getting up and dusting herself off. I had James down on the ground crying for his daddy while I pounded wherever my fists landed. Emmett and Jasper had to come pull me off of him._

_"If you ever put your nasty hands on that gal," I pointed to the trembling child, "I'll beat you up again!"_

_Emmett pulled James up by the scruff of his collar and punched him in the stomach. "That's for trying to kiss my Rosalie last week."_

_Jasper punched him in the nose. "And that's for picking on lil' Alice."_

_The minute Emmett released James, he took off across the fields. I felt a tiny hand touch my shoulder. It was the little brown haired girl. She was smiling up at me with the sweetest, biggest brown eyes I'd ever seen on a person._

_"Hello. My name is Isabella Swan, but you can call me Bella. Thank you for that. James is a bully, but he had no right hurting Alice. She's so small and sweet. We were playing dolls when he came up and took hers. I chased him."_

_I shook her hand. Our skin sparked where we touched. I vaguely heard Jasper and Emmett introduce themselves. Jasper asked if Alice was okay and Bella assured him that she was fine. My brothers went back to milking the cows, leaving me with my new friend._

_"Ain't you gonna tell me your name?" she asked, staring up at me._

_I smiled. "Edward. My name is Edward Cullen. It's nice to meet you, Bella."_

_**~~WIB~~**  
_

"Thank ya, London town! I hope to see ya'll again," I called out, carrying my guitar off stage. Over the years, I'd gotten used to the screams and lights. They were normal to me.

"Edward, that was wonderful, darling. That Rolling Stone reporter is in the audience. He was very impressed with the show. You've really arrived," Tanya, my agent, squealed.

She led me to the dressing room where a group of fashionable women were waiting for autographs. I flashed them the famous Edward Cullen smirk and pulled out my pin. One of them had me sign her double D's as her friends waited for their turn. She offered to come 'relax' me, but I declined.

"Can I at least have your cowboy hat?" she asked in that proper British accent. Tanya gave me a look that cleary said 'no way, cowboy'.

"Naw, darlin', but you can have a signed copy of my CD. In fact, all of you can." After opening the door, Tanya retrieved three CD's, which I autographed and handed to the ladies. They left a few minutes later, looking like they were in a damn daze.

My agent rolled her eyes and patted her stomach. "I pray to god that if it's a girl, she has more class than those three."

I laughed. "How could your little girl not have class with you as a mother? By the way, have you told Felix he's going to be a daddy?"

She shook her head. "Fuck no! We weren't serious. I don't want to ruin his life with this. I know he'd do the right thing, but he'd be miserable. I would never do that to him. You have to promise to keep your bloody mouth shut, too."

I held up my hand, walked over, and kissed her forehead. "I love you Tanya, but this is wrong. A man would wanna know if he'd fathered a child. If you don't tell him by the time the month is out, I'm gonna let it slip."

"You dodgy little git! Fine! I'll tell Felix, but promise me that you'll be there when I do," she demanded while taking a seat.

Tanya meant a lot to me. She wasn't only my manager, she was my friend. In the music business, real friends were hard to come by. It was equally as hard for me to find a female that wasn't trying to jump my bones every five seconds.

"I'm going to shower and then take you to get some grub. Whatcha feel like eating, Tanya?"

She sighed. "Everything. I'm only three months along, but I've already gained five pounds. I'm going to be huge." I couldn't help but smile as I imagined her with a beach ball sized belly. She threw a pillow at my head as I walked into the bathroom.

This was the last stop in my very first international tour. I'd never thought I could see the world playing country western music, but the people in England and Australia loved it just as much as the good ol' boys in Texas. My latest LP currently sat at number one on the pop charts. I'd come a long way from my family farm outside Springfield, Tennessee.

Tomorrow, I was heading home for a much needed vacation. I just hoped that my family wanted to see me again. I hadn't left on the best of circumstances. My father had been upset that I chose a chance at fame over family obligations. My brothers were now married with their own kids, but my mom was upset that I hadn't been home in so many years.

Most of all, I wanted to see Bella, just a glimpse would be fine. It had been seven long years since I laid eyes on my gal. All the drinking and whoring I'd done didn't bring a bit of the pleasure I'd known in her arms.

After I showered, I got dressed and helped Tanya pack up my stuff. Besides my family, she was the only one that knew about the thing between Bella and me. She thought I was a damned idiot for leaving but kind of understood my reasons.

Later that night, my band and road crew joined us for dinner. People kept coming up to us in the restaurant, but my bodyguard, Eleazar, kept them away. Usually, Felix would have been with us, but he was in Paris managing one of the other acts' tours.

After too much alcohol and cigs, I rolled my ass to bed. I watched with bleary eyes as Seth and Tanya successfully navigated some groupies out of my penthouse. It had happened many times before so I wasn't surprised.

All night I dreamed of soft, pale round breasts, long curly mahogany hair, and big doe brown eyes-Bella Swan. In my fantasies, she was curled by my side with her fingers buried in my mane, just like the old days.

A knock on the door woke me up at six in the morning. It was Tanya, already dressed for the day. I took another quick shower, threw on my tightest Wranglers plus a blue and yellow plaid shirt, and grabbed my bags.

Our chauffeur loaded our things into the car and then we took off to Heathrow. When we arrived, I stopped and signed a few autographs for some eager kids. The annoying-ass paparazzi didn't waste any time in taking pictures. Thankfully, Tanya had Eleazar moved them away when they got too pesky.

Tanya slept most of the plane ride, so I had plenty of time to myself. A leggy blond stewardess was in my face every five minutes. A couple years ago, I would have taken her to the back and given her a piece of the Cullen pie, but now I was over that stuff. No matter how many groupies I'd had, I never got over my Bella.

**_~~WIB~~_**

When we entered Nashville, I woke Tanya up. She stretched before going to the bathroom. I was lost in old memories and deep thoughts as we landed. The minute I stepped off the plane, I knew that something was…different.

A few local papers and magazine reporters were waiting for me in the airport. I hoisted my vintage Gibson Acoustic guitar on my shoulder and waded through the bodies. Flashbulbs went off as one eager female fan flashed me her breasts. It had gotten around the tabloids that I was a boob man, so lots of women thought showing theirs to me would get them some attention.

Eleazar went to get our bags so that we could leave. I was signing some autographs when I felt it-Bella was near. I turned around searching for her big brown eyes. Before long, I spotted her standing near a corner with a tall, dark-skinned man with long black hair. I was instantly jealous. _Is she married?_

Unfortunately, I didn't have time to compose myself before Bella and her 'fellow' walked over. My girl had grown up to be more beautiful than I ever imagined. Her body filled out in all the right places. She still had a tiny waist, but her hips were wider and her titties were bigger. Her hair was also longer, falling almost to her luscious backside. As tight as my Wranglers were, they got tighter as she got closer.

I put on my best smile as Bella came into my line of vision. "It's been too long, baby girl. How are you, darlin'?" I drawled.

Everyone was shocked when she lifted her hand and slapped me hard across the left cheek. Eleazar stepped forward, but I waved him off. The paps ate it up, almost blinding me with their flashes.

Bella put her hands on her hips and pointed at me. "You piece of crap. I'm here for one thing and one thing only. Our daughter, Bethany Grace, needs an experimental heart surgery and you're going to help me pay for it!"

I choked on the spittle in my throat. "Our…our daughter? We have a kid?"

Bella nodded. "Yep. Seven years ago when you left me, you also left a baby girl. I hate your guts, but you will do right by my baby. I'll see you in court, asshole." With that, she turned on her heel and stomped off. The big guy handed me an envelope before taking off after her.

Tanya walked up, eating a loaded hotdog. With a sigh, she snatched the papers out of my hand. "You're in the shit, Cullen. Let's get in the car so I can get your ass out of here before the big time media show up."

I was still rubbing my cheek as we got into our chauffeured limo. I didn't know why Bella had kept my child from me, but I was determined to find out, and when I did, she would pay. I may have been a rolling stone, but I took care of mine.

As the car pulled away, I found myself hating the new Bella Swan. Apparently the girl I'd loved was dead and gone and in her place was a bitter, lying shrew. You want a fight, darlin', well you got one.

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_Don't hate anyone. There's more to the story. Show me love and Countrymusicward will serenade you._


	2. Chapter 2: Butterfly Kisses

**_A/N: _**_Sorry for the long delay. I finally mapped this out. It will be five chapters in total (including epilogue). It's basically a story about Edward coming home and reconnecting. He is the prodigal son in every way. It is a romance, but it's more about redemption. I hope you all enjoy Countrymusicward. He is far from perfect, but there's good in his heart. The song from this chapter is on my **Profile** page. Please review._

_Also, look out for the** LAMTAF 2** update and smuttake Saturday. It will be blog first and then here. *Huggles* to all my girls.  
_

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_**EPOV**_

"Did you see her, Tanya? She slapped me in front of everyone," I thundered, pacing the room.

We'd just arrived at my new ranch house, outside of Nashville. Since my career had finally started doing well, I was now able to take some time off and return to my roots. For the last six years, my life had been a constant tour. I was glad to be home and looked forward to playing around the city.

Tanya was lying down on the couch eating marshmallows and ham. After a bunch of phone calls, she'd managed to keep the media off my ass for just a little longer. People said coming home again was hard but damn!

"Edward, that is the least of your problems. Did you hear what Bella said? You have a child, you wanker! A real life, breathing daughter!"

I sat down on the opposite couch and put my feet up on the table. Tanya glared at me until I removed them. I may have been the cowboy but she was the horse, and everyone knows the horse is in control.

"Damn it! I know that. What am I gonna do? If I'da known I had a kid, I would have taken care of her. This is happening at the worst possible time for me."

Tanya sat up and threw her bag of marshmallows at my head. "It's not about you. She said your daughter was sick! Are you that fucking selfish, asshole?"

I rubbed my head where the bag hat hit. Tanya was a meanie. "Stop yelling at me. Bella did wrong by me. She could have gotten in touch. Call Mr. Jenks. I want a meeting set up as soon as possible. In fact, I'd like to see my daughter tonight and request a DNA test."

For a minute, Tanya actually looked sympathetic. "Do you really believe she isn't yours? The little that you told me of Bella makes me think she's a stand up bird."

"Mama's baby, Daddy's maybe," I murmured, rubbing my chin.

While Tanya spoke to our lawyer and Marcus, my record label head, over the phone, I went outside for some fresh air. My cig didn't taste nearly as good as it had earlier, so I grabbed a bottle of old Jack Daniels to wash it down. The smells of horseflesh, fresh country air, smoke, and liquor brought back old memories.

***Flashback (age 13)***

"_She's squealing like a stuck pig. Do you think he's hurting her?" Bella asked, leaning closer over the edge._

_We were hiding in a corner of the barn. One of my dad's workers and his girl were having sex in the hay. This was the first time I'd seen real female tits up close, so I was in heaven. Bella had come along out of curiosity. The sweaty couple moaned, whined, and copulated like animals in heat. A painful swell in my jeans kept me from enjoying it all, but Bella was transfixed. She'd seen it before and was the one to tell me about the event._

"_Come on. We've seen enough for one day," I said, dragging her away._

_We ran all the way to our special hideout. It was one of the old ranch hand houses in the woods. During the slow time of year when daddy didn't need help, the place was empty. There were bunks, a communal bathroom, kitchen, and rest area. _

_I grabbed the key, opened the door, and pushed Bella inside. She was wearing a pair of small jean cutoffs, like I'd seen her in a million times before, but she looked different. Her butt stuck out more and her mosquito bites were coming in nicely. _

_After getting some cookies and milk, we took a seat on one of the bunks. Bella scooted close to me and put half a cookie into my mouth. Laughing, I wrapped my arms around her shoulders. It was nice being with my best friend._

"_I heard you were under the bleachers with Jessica Stanley today. Do you like her, Edward?" She asked worriedly._

"_Of course I like her. Have you seen Jessica? She's built like a brickhouse and the barn. No girl in my grade has bigger tits than her, and James says she knows how to kiss and will let you touch her if you're nice."_

_Bella looked down at her own small chest and sighed. "All guys care about is boobs! My mom's new boyfriend is always grabbing hers. It's gross! I want a guy that loves me just the way I am. Mama says I may not inherit her boobs, but I'll probably have a better derriere."_

_I frowned, not liking the thought of another guy loving my best friend. "Uh, you're pretty, too, but you're not sexy yet. You're still a baby."_

_She stood up and placed a hand on her hip. Her big brown eyes spat fire as she glared at me. I wanted to sink into the floor. My gal may have not had big tits, but she had sass for miles._

"_I am not a baby, Edward Cullen! Take that back! I got my period four months ago; that means I could get pregnant. I don't care if you think I'm sexy or not. I'm a woman now."_

"_Ewww, I don't want to know about your girly stuff, Bell. Okay, you're a woman. Happy now?"_

_To ease the tension, I pulled out a cig and bottle of Jack I'd managed to steal from the house. I'd started smoking on occasion, but my dad would have tanned my hide if he'd known. This would be my first time having hard liquor, though._

_Bella's eyes widened when she saw what I was holding. I poured a little in the cup and handed it to her. She sniffed before drinking a large gulp. I laughed as she coughed and sputtered. Then, I lit up. We were young, so it didn't take long for us to get pissed face drunk. Bella danced around the room as I finished my cig. She didn't smoke, and I wasn't about to let her anyway. _

"_Edward, I've always wanted you to kiss me," she slurred, falling into my lap. _

_To my surprise, the tent formed in my pants again. I was embarrassed because I knew my gal could feel it. A part of me wanted to kiss Bella, but she was only twelve. It was only a year's difference but it felt like a decade._

"_Please. I've always wanted to know what it's like, Edward," she begged._

_Bella was tougher than a one eared alley cat, so it shocked me to see her vulnerability. She had to be strong to survive her life. Renee, her mother, was the town whore and left her at home alone a lot, and her dad was of unknown origins. All that made her a target at school, but she didn't let it keep her down. Hell, she was already smarter than me._

_With shaking hands, I moved a strand of hair behind her ear. "You're too young. Maybe next year…."_

_She slipped her hands into my shirt and caressed my chest. "I'm not. I'm a woman, remember?"_

_It was all too much-the liquor, the smoke, her smell. I leaned forward and placed my lips on hers. For a minute it was awkward, but then she licked my lip and I opened my mouth. Fireworks exploded behind my eyes as my lower body throbbed painfully._

"_Told you, Eddie. I'm a woman," she sang, pulling away. _

_I looked up into her beautiful chocolate eyes, and then down at my lap. "You sure are, Bella Swan, you sure are. I'd be willing to bet that Jessica has nothing on you."_

_**~~WIB~~**  
_

That was my very first kiss, and to this day I was thankful that it had been with Bella. We were so good together but things changed, yet I still yearned for her. Seeing her in that airport was surreal.

When I returned to the house, Tanya was putting on her jacket. "Come on. I got Bella's address from the legal papers. We're going over there, and maybe she'll let you see your daughter."

"Wait. Bella lives here in Nashville?"

Tanya nodded. "Yeah, the address is for a house. Get your damn cowboy hat on and stop dawdling!"

I saluted her. "Yes, ma'am."

"Smart ass," she mumbled, rolling her eyes.

An hour later, we pulled up to a small, white one story home. There were identical houses on each side of it. The neighborhood looked very working class and a little run down. There wasn't a new truck in any of the driveways. I'd imagined much better for my gal.

Taking the lead, I rang the doorbell. A wide eyed and sweaty Bella answered the door. Seeing her again was like a kick in the chest. I had to take a few minutes to remind myself to breathe.

"It ain't nice to leave company on the porch, Swan. Invite us in," I said, nervously.

She opened the door while stammering. "What are you doing here? I'm not…"

The inside of the house was small but very clean. There wasn't much furniture. I took off my hat and sat it on a small table that I recognized from Bella's childhood trailer. Sadly, her life hadn't changed much in all the years we'd been apart. She led us to an old beige couch and offered drinks. Both Tanya and I declined and continued to appraise the house.

Bella glared at us like we were trash. I cringed. "You have some nerve coming over without calling! Our meeting is for tomorrow at the lawyer's office. I doubt this is a social call."

Tanya held out her hand. "Hi, I'm Edward's manager."

Bella rolled her eyes and disregarded the greeting. "Is that what they call it now?"

"I don't understand what you're getting at," Tanya said, looking abashed.

Bella pointed to her stomach. "He'll take care of you. You look and sound classy. I'm sure you two will be very happy, and he'll be a great father."

Tanya burst out laughing. "You think… me and this git… It's too funny! Edward's not the father. I'm surprised you can even tell. Am I showing?"

My gal's face softened. "I'm sorry. That was rude. You're glowing and you absentmindedly rub your belly. I used to do the same when I was pregnant with Bethany."

I looked up. "I don't understand. Why wouldn't you tell me that I had a kid? It makes you seem suspicious. Look, if you're after money, you don't have to do this to get it."

She laughed. "You're impossible! I don't want your damn money. The only thing you can do for me is pay for Bethany's surgery. After that, I never want to see you again. You've brought nothing but pain to my life."

I was about to reply when a small voice interrupted us. "Mommy, why are you yelling?"

"Jesus Christ..." I mumbled, staring at the vision before me.

The little girl holding the pink blanket was definitely my daughter. She had big green eyes, _my eyes_, and long, dark copper hair. Her cheeks were fat and rosy like a toddler. She was a tiny lil' thang.

"Bethany Grace, I thought you were asleep," Bella chastised, scooping her up.

The little girl laughed. "I was but you were loud. Why are you angry?" she asked, looking over at us.

Bella hesitated so I stepped in. "I'm, um...Edward Cullen, and I think I'm your dad. The blonde woman is my friend, Tanya. We work together."

Bethany giggled and held out her small hand. "It's nice to meet you. I'm Bethany Grace Anne Swan. Mommy said you would come one day and here you are. Would you like to see my room?"

I looked up at Bella. She nodded, letting me know that it was okay. I felt like I was in a walking dream. The other night I'd been on tour in London, and now I was back in Tennessee meeting my kid for the first time. _Crazy!_

The first thing I noticed about the bedroom was all the medical equipment. It made the whole space resemble a hospital. My eyes watered as my beautiful daughter showed me her dollhouse, stuffed animals, and clothes. Every penny Bella made must have gone into the room, because unlike the rest of the house, everything here was brand new.

Bethany held up a big stuffed brown bear with a locket around his neck. "And this is Mr. Bearcakes. He's my favorite toy. They let me keep him with me when I was at the doctors."

My voice was thick as I introduced myself to the stuffed bear. How could such a little girl be so strong, and why wasn't she surprised to meet me? When I looked up, I saw Tanya in the doorway looking at us curiously.

Next, the little angel led me to her nightstand; on it was an Ipod speaker. Bethany pressed something and my newest song began to play. I was stunned.

"I've always played her your music. She knows who you are. I never lied to my baby," Bella said, helping Bethany get into bed.

"Mommy said I had to keep you secret. It was so hard, but I did it! I'm glad you're not busy anymore so you can play with me sometimes."

I sat on the other side of the bed and leaned down to kiss her cheeks. "I'm never too busy for you. I didn't..." Bella shook her head. "Um, I was just far away."

"Well, I'm glad you're here now. I'm going to heaven soon and I don't want mommy to be alone. Please take care of her."

"I'll never be alone, baby, and neither will you. I'll follow you wherever you may go. No one could keep me from your side," Bella promised.

The tears I'd worked so hard to hold in fell freely down my face. Bella kissed Bethany's forehead and rocked her to sleep. Then, she tucked her in and put on some classical music. We left after making sure she was comfortable.

When we got back to the living room, Tanya was sitting on the couch with a bunch of tissues clutched in her hand. She'd been crying. "She is so beautiful, Bella. What exactly is wrong with her?"

My gal stood up. "She was born premature. I was devastated after Edward left. I stopped eating and didn't take care of myself. Because of my recklessness, I was in a major car accident. During that time, the doctors discovered the pregnancy. Bethany has a heart defect. She's had three surgeries but none of them were successful."

"No! No! No," I screamed, pinching the bridge of my nose. "You were on your way to NYU when I left. I don't understand. What happened?"

Sobbing, Bella turned to me. "You happened. I loved you with every fiber in me. Throughout my tumultuous life, you had always been the only constant, the only one that I thought loved me. The day you dumped me… I wanted to die. After finding out I was pregnant, I forfeited my scholarship. There was no way I could take a baby to school up there."

"I'm so sorry. I never knew… I had my reasons for leaving… I thought…"

She held up her hand. "Save it, Edward. You didn't love me like I loved you. It took me a few years, but I figured that much out. You chose a life of whoring over me. I tried to hunt you down before the pregnancy, but I had no luck. You were so selfish that even your parents had no clue where you were."

"I did love you! That's why I left. I thought I was doing you a favor. Do my parents know about Bethany?"

She shook her head. "No, I cut all ties with them. Your mom never liked me, and I was afraid they would try to take my baby away. Bethany Grace was all I had at that time.

"And don't lie and say you loved me. You slept with Jessica while we were together and threw it in my face. I never would have thought about cheating on you," she hissed.

I looked down at my boots. She was right. "I'm so sorry, Bella."

Bella snorted. "Save it. All that matters is Bethany and her getting that surgery. I cried my last tears over you years ago."

Tanya shook her head, eying me warily. "I can't even imagine something being wrong with my baby. Bella, I'm so sorry. Did you ever contact anyone at the record label? If I would have know, I would have made Edward be responsible."

My gal nodded. "Yeah, Marcus Wilson. He said he told Edward, and that I'd have to go to court. I didn't have the money, so I took on some extra jobs. Then, I heard on the radio that you were coming home, and it seemed like the perfect time."

I whipped out my phone and dialed Marcus. He answered on the first ring. "You lowdown dirty-ass motherfucker! You kept her from me! You knew and you didn't tell me. My daughter is dying!" Tanya tried to take the phone from me as Bella looked on in shock. I was so angry that my hands were crushing the phone. If Marcus had of been there in person, I would probably have strangled him to death.

"Calm down, Cullen. I was going to handle it, send her a check. Your career is taking off, and women adore you. The last thing you need is some old baby mama drama ruining your bachelor image," he admitted nonchalantly.

"Fuck you, bastard," I snarled, throwing the phone into Bella's fireplace and shattering it into a million tiny pieces.

She looked at me, and then at Tanya. "I think you should both go. Jake will be here soon and I don't want trouble."

"Jake?" I asked, looking up.

Bella nodded. "Jake is the big guy that was with me at the airport. He's my rock. After you left, he kept me going. Needless to say, he doesn't think very highly of you. Uh, I'll see you tomorrow morning at the lawyer."

"No way in hell I'm leaving, Bella. We have a lot to discuss. I can't wrap my mind around all of this yet. I'll just order some dinner…"

Suddenly, a key unlocked the door and the big Native American guy stepped into the room. He glared at me angrily before going to sit beside Bella. She smiled and snuggled into his side. I rolled my eyes, pulling out a cig.

"You can't smoke in here," three voices said at once.

"I'm sorry. I forgot. Bella, can I speak to you outside for a minute?"

The big guy turned to me. "Anything you have to say to her can be said in front of me."

I laughed. "Who the hell are you to her? I'm Bethany's father and…"

"And what? You haven't been here for Bella or your daughter. "

Bella squeezed his arm. "Jake, please. I'm trying to keep this from turning ugly. Why don't you go get us some drinks?" Like a docile bear, he kissed her head and walked out of the room.

I growled. This was not what I pictured. It was obvious that Bella and this Jake guy were more than just friends. "So, you're sleeping with him, aren't you? What about all that shit you said about me being the only one? What kind of example are you setting for our daughter?"

Tanya moved away from me. "Stupid move, Cullen."

She was right. Bella blew up, calling me every obscenity in the book. Jake came to see what had her yelling so loud. Unfortunately, the noise also woke up sweet Bethany.

"Mommy?" She asked, walking into the room.

The giant picked her up and tickled her belly. She threw her tiny arms around his neck happily. A new wave of jealousy formed in my stomach. Were all my girls under his spell?

"Uncle Jake! I missed you."

"Uncle?" Tanya and I asked in unison.

Bella nodded. "Jake is my stepbrother. His dad is married to my mom. How dare you question me on my morals when _you_ are the one gallivanting all over the world with loose women! Get out of my house."

"Be nice, Mommy. Can they stay for a little longer, pretty please?" Bethany asked, using her puppy eyes.

I walked over and took my daughter from Jake. At first he resisted, but when she reached for me, he let her go. It felt weird holding someone so small and frail in my arms. Bethany was very thin; I could feel every bone in her body. Despite that, she had a very beautiful face and countenance. She was...ethereal.

Bella passed me a blanket that I used to wrap around our daughter. My little angel wasted no time in resting her head on my shoulder. I looked over at a stone-faced Bella and began to sing. It was all I could do to keep from crying.

"_There's two things I know for sure: She was sent here from heaven and she's daddy's little girl. As I drop to my knees by her bed at night, She talks to Jesus and I close my eyes and I thank god for all the joy in my life. Oh, but most of all__ for butterfly kisses after bedtime prayer; In all that I've done wrong I know I must have done something right to deserve a hug every morning and butterfly kisses at night. Sticking little white flowers all up in her hair; "Walk beside the pony, Daddy, it's my first ride. I know the cake looks funny, Daddy, but I sure tried…"_

When I looked up, Bella was staring at me intensely. Bethany snuggled into my chest and closed her eyes. _Butterfly Kisses_ had always been one of my girl's favorite songs. That was why it came to me so easily.

**_*Flashback (age 15)*_**

"_That was beautiful, Edward. Only Bob Carlisle sings it better."_

_I smiled, happy to hear Bella compliment me on my music. We were sitting in the bed of my truck, under the moonlight. It had been a hard day for my girl. She'd asked about her father for a school project, but Renee still refused to give her any information._

"_Thanks, sweet gal. One day, I'm going to write my hit own songs and play them in Nashville, and maybe the world."_

_She wrapped her arm around my waist and laid her head on my shoulder. "Don't forget about me when you're famous. I'd like to go with you, because lord knows you need someone to cook or you'll starve."_

_I pulled her into my lap, tickling her sides. "Hey, that chili I made wasn't that bad. Jasper just has a weak stomach."_

"_It was awful, Ed, but we ate it. I thought your mom was going to pass out. I'm surprised she even let me stay for dinner. We both know she hates me."_

_I mussed her hair. "It's not you. She doesn't like your mother, and she thinks you'll be like her. I don't care, though. You're my girlfriend and I love you."_

_Bella gasped. "You… You love me?" _

_It was the first time I'd ever said it aloud, but I'd felt it since that first day. "I do, sweetness, very much. Why else would I put up with your sass?"_

_She playfully smacked me on the back of the head, and began kissing me. We stayed wrapped up in each other for a long time. Thankfully, I'd remembered to bring a blanket, and Bella had on my letter jacket. I loved seeing her in it because it let everyone know she was mine._

"_I love you, too, Ed. I always have. I hope that one day, when we're grown, you'll be my husband."_

_I kissed her nose. "Me too. Bella Cullen has a nice ring to it."_

_**~~WIB~~**  
_

"She's asleep, Edward. Go tuck her in," Bella whispered, bringing me out of my past musings.

As I put my daughter to sleep, I couldn't help but wonder why it had all gone so wrong. I left Bella so she could have a future, a future I knew she would gladly have given up for me. I wasn't worth it, and I thought that it would be selfish to continue to hold her back. She's always been the smart one, the one with the potential to do great things. Now, I knew that I'd made the wrong decision. I left her when she needed me the most. There would be no forgiveness. Bella Swan would never be Bella Cullen, and it was all my fault.

* * *

_Not very long, but I hoped you liked it. Edward will see his family again and return to the farm in the next chapter. I'm sure many of you still hate his guts. Please leave me love to let me know what you think. Countryward will serenade you in your sleep if you do. I'll be with the Stoli._


	3. Chapter 3: Breathe

**_A/N: _**_Sorry it's been so long since an update. I planned on this to be a short story but it's getting longer. It will likely be 10 chapters (epi included). Thanks to everyone who still has this one on alert. This chapter is sad and kind of a bridge to the next ones. Thank you guys for embracing all my fics. Writing and communicating with my readers is one of my greatest pleasures. _

_Pictures and song links are on my **Profile **page. Please review and let me know what you do or don't like. I will finish all my fics. It takes time, but I won't abandon them or you all.  
_

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_**EPOV**_

As the lawyers spoke their own language, I watched Bella fidget and bite her nails. The conference room was starting to feel stuffy. No matter how much water I drank, I was still an inferno. All I wanted to do was get out of here and spend the day with my gals.

Suddenly, my lawyer, Jay Jenks, turned to me. "Bella has agreed to sign papers stating that she was in the wrong regarding the matter of Bethany's paternity. If she goes against these documents and decides to sell her story to the media, she will be sued for slander."

I reached across the table and grabbed his arm. "That isn't necessary! She ain't gonna tell nobody. I trust her. She's always been good to me."

There was shuffle alerting me to Bella's movements. She pointed to the pile of papers. Her lawyer, some nondescript Pro Bono fellow, gave her a pen. I didn't think we needed to be so damn formal, but my gal still had sass for miles. I'd never won an argument with her in my life.

"I'll sign those papers, Mr. Jenks. I wouldn't want Mr. Cullen thinking I want revenge or something. All I want is for my baby girl to get that surgery. Fame and fortune was never in the cards for me. I just want a healthy child," Bella assured.

"Very well, Ms. Swan. You've been very cooperative," Mr. Jenks murmured as he appraised Bella.

She gave him a tight smile, handing over the copies. I tried to catch her eye, but she refused to look at me. I looked at her, though, and I probably drooled. Bella was still stunningly beautiful and thick in all the right places. My erection was a testament to her feminine wiles.

A few minutes later, Jenks passed over a check made out for a quarter of a million dollars. I looked deep into Bella's coffee brown eyes as I signed. The money didn't amount to a hill of beans. Bethany Grace was priceless. I'd be damned if I lost my lil' darling before she got the chance to know me.

"It's done. I'll deliver this to the hospital accounting office myself. Let me know if any more monies are needed. Um, I hope your daughter gets better, Ms. Swan. I have children myself and I'd hate to lose any of them," Jenks said, standing up.

Bella reached across the table and shook his hand. "Thank you, Sir. I hope your little ones stay healthy and live to be very old. I don't think we'll be needing anything else today."

Her lawyer had her sign some papers before leaving with Jenks. I took out a cigarette and began puffing, not caring if we could smoke in this room or not. Tobacco was as calming to me as Jack Daniels. Being on the road was tough, and it was easy to develop vices. At least I wasn't an alcoholic or druggie like some I'd met.

"Ugh. You're still an ass, Edward Cullen. You're not supposed to smoke in here. Bethany had pneumonia a few weeks ago, so her lungs are still delicate. I don't want that stuff around her, okay?" Bella chastised, holding out her hand.

Frowning, I passed her the cig. "I wasn't gonna do it around our baby girl. I just need something to take the edge off. If you won't let me smoke, maybe me and you could find us a room somewhere…"

I was still smirking when she smacked me across the face. Dumbfounded, I looked down at her. She had her hand on her hip, eyes full of fire as she stared me down. At that moment, she reminded me of a wild mare I'd ridden in Australia.

"I don't ever want to sleep with you again! The only good thing that came of it last time was Bethany. We can be civil for her but that's all I can offer. I _hate _you, Edward," she spat.

I rubbed my pained jaw while fighting the urge not to go against her and pull out another cigarette. My gal was a lil' thang but she'd always had bite. I had no doubt that she'd kick my ass in a fight. Besides, I didn't hit girls.

"You don't hate me, darlin'. I was joking about the room. I just wanted you to loosen up a little. Let's get out of here. I wanna show ya'll the Ranch. Your house is pretty small, Bella. Maybe you can consider moving in with me? There's plenty of room for all of us," I hedged.

She began twirling her hair, a nervous habit that she'd had as a child. "No. Our home ain't fancy but it's ours. I have everything the way Bethany likes it. You can visit when you want as long as there's no drinking and smoking. She can go to your house but only with me as a chaperon. I'll stay out of your way, just try not to have your hoochies over while we're there."

"Hoochies? Bella, I ain't seeing anyone."

She rolled her eyes. "You expect me to believe that, Ed? You always got at least two girls on the line. I don't care who you fornicate with anymore. I just don't want it around my baby."

I took out another cig, consequences be damned. "I'm here for you and Bethany Grace. I want to know her, Bella. She's so beautiful and sugary sweet. I dreamed about her all night."

My gal genuinely smiled until her little dimple showed. "She's my angel. Bethany saved my life, Ed. After my accident, I wanted to die. My health was deteriorating every second. When the doctor told me I was pregnant, I fought. I couldn't be brave for myself, but I had to save her. They wanted me to get…an abortion. It was the first time Mama ever went to bat for me. No matter what they told her, she refused."

I threw my unlit cigarette away. It was better to learn to deal with pain. My little girl didn't need some pansy-ass wimp for a father. Just hearing that small part of Bella's story was making me feel sick, though.

"We need to sit down and talk about everything. I need to know it all, Bella. I'd like you and Bethany to spend the day with me. Tomorrow, we can drive to Springfield and see my family. I reckon they hate me more than you. I ain't been in contact since I left."

She began walking towards the door. Of course, I followed and stared at her backside. Renee had been right; Bella had a very nice derrière. I almost ran into a few walls following those hips that I knew so well.

When we got to the front of the building, I spotted Tanya in one of my Jeep Cherokees. She'd been waiting for us. I opened the back door and beckoned Bella. She didn't move an inch, instead choosing to stare at me like I was some kinda alien.

"Get in," I ordered, not wanting to argue. I was glad that we'd chosen a out of the way office building so we wouldn't have to be bothered with press.

She shook her head. "Mama and Billy will be here any minute. You head on home. If Bethany feels like it, you can come to our house for dinner tonight. I can't go to Springfield with you tomorrow. I have work."

For the first time, I noticed that Bella had calluses on her hands and deep bags under her eyes. She looked like she hadn't slept in a long time. I figured she probably stayed up with Bethany, but the rough hands made me think there was more.

"Uh, what do you do for a living?" I asked, hesitantly.

She looked away. "I'm an office janitor. I also work at Red Lobster. We have a lot of bills and Bethany doesn't get that much from the State. It barely covers the medical stuff. It's nothing fancy, but it's honest work and we get by."

I gripped the door to keep myself from falling. _My smart girl is a janitor?_ She had to work two jobs to support our daughter because I'd left. No wonder she hated my guts. I hated myself now that I saw what I'd done to her.

"Bella…"

She backed away. "Don't you dare look at me like that, Ed. You know I hate pity. I don't want anything from you. If you want to set up an account for Bethany, that's fine. I'll continue working either way."

Before I could answer, an old Ford Escort pulled up behind Tanya. I barely recognized Renee Swan in the driver's seat. She was worn and looked much older than I remembered. The gaudy makeup and jewelry she'd always worn were not present. I walked to the side of the car as Bella slipped inside.

"Ms. Swan, it's a pleasure to see you again," I said, holding out my hand.

She looked straight ahead. "It's not a pleasure for me. You left them for dead, you son of a bitch! The only thing keeping me from running your sorry ass over is knowing that it would hurt my sweet Grace. Get out of the way."

"Don't be like that Renee. The past is done. He's here now," the man I assumed to be Billy, Jake's father, argued.

Bella leaned forward and began massaging Renee's shoulders. "It's all right, Mama. Ed signed the check. We can start getting ready for the surgery. He'd like Bethany to visit him. I don't see nothing wrong with that. We'll all try for her sake. Please."

Renee started the ignition, making the car spit and sputter. "Okay. I'll try. Can you please move so that we can go home? Bethany probably has poor Jake tied up with her stuffed animals by now." I smiled, imagining it.

A moment later, they were gone. Bella hadn't looked back. Somehow, Tanya managed to get me in the car. As she drove, I thought about Renee's words, _'You left them for dead'_. How could I have been so cruel to the woman I loved?

_***Flashback (age 16)***_

_I watched through a crack in my door as Emmett tongued Rosalie down. His room was right across from mine. He always locked the door, but sometimes I heard Rose moan when they made love. I was still a virgin and counting the days until I could join my brothers as real men._

"_We need to be quiet, Em. I don't want your momma thinking I'm a bad girl," Rose teased._

_They retired to his room for their usual nightly make out fest. I hated that Bella wasn't welcome in our home like my brother's girlfriends. For some reason, Ma didn't like her. _

_Tonight, Jasper was also busy with his girlfriend Maria. They were worse than Em and Rose. I was the only man in the house not getting any of the sweet stuff. Bella wasn't ready to have sex, and I'd agreed to wait for her._

_Because I was exhausted from a day of hard labor on the farm, I took a hot shower and went to bed early. At around one in the morning, I was awakened by a noise at my window. Thinking it was a bird or something, I rolled over and tried to go back to sleep._

_A few minutes later, the noise came again. Angrily, I grabbed my baseball bat and hopped out of the bed. Standing below was my girl. I couldn't see her that well but she was trembling. Quietly, I threw on a hoodie and tiptoed down the stairs. Mama and Daddy were heavy sleepers, but I still liked to be cautious. _

_When I got outside, I threw my jacket over Bella and practically carried her up the stairs. I knew something was terribly wrong if she'd come at this time of night. Now that I was sixteen, I felt like it was my duty to take care of my girl._

_After we were safe in my room, I turned on the lights. I'll never forget what I saw. Bella had been beaten up. Her lip and eyes were swollen, she had a cut on her shoulder, and it looked like someone had tried to rip her clothes off of her._

"_Oh my god, Bella. What happened? Were you…raped?"I asked dumbly, hugging her close._

_She sobbed on my shoulder. My girl never cried. It was one of the things I both admired and hated about her. She was so damn strong all the time. Seeing her like this made me mad. Whoever hurt her was a dead man._

"_Please, Bella. I have to know," I pleaded, rocking her gently. She only held me tighter._

_I helped her take her shoes and clothes off, giving her one of my oversized shirts to wear. Whether Mama liked it or not, Bella was spending the night with me. There was no way I'd send her home. _

_After I cleaned the wounds, retrieved some ice, and covered her with blankets, I woke up Jasper and Emmett. Bleary eyed, they stumbled to my bedroom. Both their eyes widened when they noticed Bella's bruised face. She gave them a sad little wave and burrowed deeper into the bed._

_My brothers and I sat up with Bella all night. Jasper had a way about him. He could calm down animals and people just by talking. Em was a big teddy bear. Having him there helped ease Bella's mind. Silently, she fell asleep in my arms. _

_A few hours later, I laid down again. I'd sent my brothers back after thanking them for all the help. Jasper wanted to tell Dad, but I talked him out of it. Em said he'd have Rose look at Bella when she came to pick him up in the morning._

"_He didn't rape me," Bella croaked, sitting up. _

_With a sigh of relief, I handed her a glass of water._ "_What happened?"_

_She laid down, placing her head on my chest. "Mama is gone gambling again. She left food and money this time so I'm okay. You remember Phil, her old boyfriend? He came by drunk as a skunk and looking for her. I told him she was gone. He said she owed him money. I told him he'd have to come back later cuz I didn't have nothin' for him," she sobbed._

"_Shhh. Don't cry, sweetheart," I soothed._

"_He…he got mad. I could smell the liquor on his breath. I ran, but he caught me. He said if Mama wasn't here to settle up, he'd get his payment some other way. He…he tried to take my clothes off. I fought him. Lucky for me, old Missus Green heard and came to check. She called the police, but I ran before they got there. Don't make me talk to them, Ed. I'm scared."_

"_You don't have to do anything you don't wanna do, sweet girl. I'll keep you safe. Just rest," I ordered, caressing her soft cheeks. _

_For the rest of the night, I fought the urge to go find Phil and kick his ass. Instead of doing that, I consoled Bella. She slept in fits, not really finding any rest. By the time morning came, I was more exhausted than ever._

"_Edward, I fixed the button on your coat," Mom called, walking into my bedroom unannounced. _

_I was the baby and didn't get as much privacy as my brothers. Usually, I was up and dressed by now. The noise startled Bella, and she woke up screaming._

"_Good god! What is going on here, Edward? Why is that…that girl in your bed? Please tell me you didn't…" Esme finished, hanging her head._

_I stood up and pointed to Bella's face. "Look at her, Ma. We didn't do anything. Bella was attacked in her trailer. She came to me and spent the night. I can't believe how un-Christian you're being right now."_

_Esme Cullen looked up, noticing Bella's injuries for the first time. She called Carlisle and the rest happened quickly. _

_They were able to track Renee down. She promised to come home immediately. It turned out that Phil had gotten into a major bar fight after leaving Bella's trailer. He turned up at the county Morgue before I could get my hands on him._

_That day, no one made us go to school. Bella clung to me like a little child. I treated her like glass. She didn't talk much, but I knew she appreciated me being there. My girl didn't deserve the hand she'd been dealt in life. I just wished like hell that I could take care of her._

_I was watching her sleep when she opened her beautiful eyes. The sun was starting to go down. We were in her room waiting for Renee to come home. Bella knew my Mom hated her so she hadn't felt comfortable staying at our house too long._

_Sniffling, she put my hand over her heart. "I love you, Edward. You're always there for me. You're my only constant. I see pity in your eyes, and I hate it. I'll be okay in a while."_

_I leaned down so that I could kiss her forehead. "I love you, too, Bella. One day, I'll take you far away from this. I'll sing and you'll go to school to be something smart. I'll always be here for you. Always."_

_**~~WIB~~**  
_

I'd definitely broken that promise to Bella and so many more.

Tanya must have known I had a lot on my mind because she didn't say much. I wiped away tears as the city streets turned into familiar green hills. Tennessee was my only real home. I hated the fact that I'd been gone so long from everything and everybody that I loved.

The Ranch that I was renting was huge. It came with some animals, and I'd had a man deliver a few ponies for Bethany to ride. I wanted to give her one as a gift. I hoped she loved horses as much as Bella used to as a child.

"Edward, I know it's hard. You can confide in me. It's pretty bad, isn't it?" Tanya asked, parking the car.

I nodded and lit another cig. She gave me the stink eye, just like Bella, and pointed to her stomach. "I'm pregnant, you arse. I don't want my baby being born with bad lungs because you're an inconsiderate, bloody fool!"

Huffing, I put it back in the pack. "Sorry. You sound just like my gal, you know. I can't smoke around Bethany anyway. I'll have to quit. I messed up bad. She ain't never gonna forgive me."

Tanya patted my back as she led me into the spacious house. I took my hat off and hung it on the rack as she headed to the kitchen. The familiar smells of fresh baked goods filled the room. It made me miss my Mama something fierce.

We were eating sandwiches when Bella called. She invited us over to her house, but I insisted that they come to the Ranch. She argued until Tanya took the phone and guilt-ed her into a visit. Sometimes I really loved my manager.

"You better not mess this up, Cullen. That poor girl has been through so much. I know you and Bella have a shoddy past, but please be on your best behavior," she warned.

I nodded and threw my Marlboro's away. I might as well try to show that I could be a responsible father. After that, I went upstairs to get ready. I chose my dark wash Wranglers and a white button down. My look was called _cowboy sexy_ by the media. I just wore what was comfortable.

On the phone, Bella had told Tanya that Bethany loved cheese pizza, so we were having that and vegetables for dinner. Since I needed to be in good shape for my tour, I had a paid Chef. He traveled everywhere with us. Liam was a quiet man, but he had a passion for life and food.

"I'm using the freshest mozzarella and my real tomato sauce, none of that canned shit for your little girl. I hope she likes artichokes. If everyone doesn't want pizza, I've made several dishes for your enjoyment," he bragged, sprinkling something into a boiling pot.

I laughed. "Bella used to eat like a horse. She'll appreciate this the most. I'm sure Bethany will love your pizza, Liam. It's the best in the world. Don't fret."

A little later, Tanya came down the stairs dressed in a pair of shorts and a loose shirt. She hadn't stopped stuffing her face since we got home. Unfortunately, Felix was calling my phone every five minutes wondering why she was avoiding him.

"Please call him, Tanya. He's talking about flying out here," I said before munching on a few crackers.

She sighed. 'No, no, no! He can't come here. He's not blind. He's going to notice the bump. I don't know how I get myself into these bloody things. I haven't even told Mum and Dad. They'll demand a wedding. It's all so daunting."

I helped Tanya sit down. "It's gonna be all right. You don't need to worry. Felix is a good man."

Thankfully, Bella and Bethany showed up on time. My lil' darlin' was wearing pink cowboy boots and a blue sundress. Her hair was left down and she had small gold stars in her ears. She was even more beautiful in the sunlight. I took her from Bella and kissed her nose as she giggled.

"Hi, daddy. Do you like my boots?" she asked, preening.

I chuckled. "I love them, baby girl. You're so beautiful, like your Mama. Are you hungry?"

She put her hand over her mouth and leaned toward my ear. "Mommy is mad at you, Daddy. Can you make her happy? Uncle Jake said she needs to eat," she whispered.

I ran my fingers through Bethany's soft hair as I looked at Bella. "I can try. Don't worry, baby girl. I'm not gonna let anything bad happen."

That cheered her up. She pressed her soft little lips to my cheek and kissed me. "Thank you, Daddy. I'm hungry. Can we eat now?"

Smiling, I carried her to the dining room table. Tanya was already seated. She stood up to hug Bella and Bethany. That was the first time that I noticed what my girl was wearing. She looked sexy in her flowery dress and white boots.

She took a seat next to Tanya, but Bethany chose to sit in my lap. I didn't mind at all. She whispered secrets in my ear while Tanya and my gal talked about babies. My lil' darlin' was funny and knew a bunch of silly jokes.

A few minutes later, Liam came out and introduced himself. He fished a silver dollar from Bethany's ear and earned a hug. She had him wrapped around her finger before the food was on the table.

I noticed Bella take a slice of pizza and begin to cut it into small squares. Then, she added some miniature vegetables and dip. She made the plate look so pretty.

"Here, this is Bethany's. She likes her pizza cut," Bella said, passing the plate to me.

My lil' darlin' blew a kiss. "Thanks, Mommy. Do I have to eat all the carrots? I don't like those."

"Try to eat as many as you can, sweetie. They're good for you," Bella reasoned.

Taking initiative, I shoved a couple of carrots into my mouth. "Mmmm, they're really good, darlin'."

Bethany giggled and chewed on one of the miniature orange sticks. "You're a silly goose, Daddy."

Hearing her call me _daddy _was the sweetest sound I'd ever heard. It was hard, but I managed to maneuver us so that we could both eat comfortably. My poor lil' baby weighed less than some dogs I'd held. Her small dress straps kept slipping off of her tiny shoulders.

As I reached for my fourth slice of pizza, I noticed that Bella's plate was empty except for a small celery stick. It didn't look like she'd eaten anything. I'd been so busy entertaining Bethany that I hadn't been paying attention.

"Bella, ain't your hungry? I remember you used to be able to give Em a run for his money in the chow downs. Eat, gal."

She closed her eyes, shaking her head. "I'm fine."

Tanya, who I think had forgotten us all, finally looked up from her nearly empty plate. "He's right, doll. You need to eat more than that. Call Liam and have him bring you something else."

"No. I don't have much of an appetite. Thanks," Bella whispered, blinking away tears. Something was wrong.

After we finished dinner, Tanya volunteered to take Bethany upstairs to clean up. My scheming manager winked at me as they left. I was so scared to be alone with my gal, but we needed to talk.

I led Bella into my den, aka the man cave. She looked at all the big screen mounted televisions and leather couches in disgust. I sat down, patting the spot next to me. As usual, Bella chose to sit across the room on her own couch.

Shrugging, I turned on the game for background noise. "What's the matter, sweetheart? You were almost crying in there."

She pulled a throw over her body, as if she was freezing. "I talked to Bethany's doctors. She had some tests done last week. They…don't know if the surgery will help her now. Her blood isn't clotting well. She… There might be something wrong with her brain. She's only six years old! How much more can she take. It's not fair. I'd rather it be me!"

I ran to the other side of the room and dropped to my knees in front of her. "I'll get the best doctors to come and look at her. We're not gonna lose her, Bella. I promise you. I'll do anything to keep her with us."

My girl recoiled from me. "Your promises ain't worth shit, Edward Cullen. If nothing can be done, I want to take her away to see some of the world in the time she has left. The medical team wants to meet with us in two days. I can't lose her."

"I know I can't change the past. I failed you and Bethany Grace. All I ask is that you give me a chance to know the both of you again. Are you, uh, seeing anyone?" I asked, hesitantly.

She snorted and stood up to pace. "Men are just beating down the door to date a poor single mother with a sick kid. I can't keep em' away."

Sighing, I pulled out a cig, sniffed it, and then put it back in the package. "Are you sleeping with anyone? Uh, have you? It's really none of my business, but I need to know."

Bella kneeled down on the floor, facing me so that we were eye to eye "It is none of your business. You've been with women all over the world. What does it matter if I had sex with some other guy? I'm not yours anymore, Edward. I never was."

I placed my hands on her bare, creamy shoulders. "Damn it, Bella! Has there been anyone else? You always said it would only be me."

Leaning forward, she brushed her soft lips against mine. The same spark that had always been present was still there. No woman I'd been with had pleased me as much as my Tennessee Queen. Kissing her was like having fine steak after years of vegetables.

"You really want to know? Fine! There have been men, sex objects really. I don't bring them home, we use protection, and I don't fall in love. It's always hard and fast. I don't even spend the night. Lately, there haven't been any hookups, but when things were really bad, I needed someone to hold me. You sure as hell weren't here. I'm not gonna feel guilty for taking care of my needs," she finished, backing away from me.

I wanted to rip my ears off of my head. My girl let… I had no right to be angry but I couldn't help it. Thinking of her rutting with anyone other than me made me want to pound things.

Angrily, I dragged her into my lap. As she fought, I held her head in place and began tonguing her. She bit me several times, but I pushed past the pain and kept her close. Eventually, she started pulling my hair, giving herself over to the kiss. There was nothin' soft about it.

"I hate you, Edward Cullen. I hate you for what you do to me," she panted, licking my neck.

I pulled her closer so that we were crotch to crotch. My Wranglers were barely containing the snake that wanted to be released. Bella moaned as I reached under her dress and began fingering the edge of her lace underwear.

"Don't hate me, sweet girl. I never stopped loving you. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry," I mumbled, nibbling on her earlobe.

Suddenly, she stopped. "What the hell am I doing? We know how this story ends. I'm not gonna repeat my past mistakes. Stay away from me, Ed. I'm not your _sweet girl_ anymore. I'm nothing to you."

It took me a few minutes to calm down. By the time I got control of myself, she was across the room again.

A few minutes later, Tanya and Bethany skipped in together like old friends. My lil' darlin's megawatt smile alleviated any tension that was left in the den.

I missed you, Daddy," she squealed, running into my arms.

"Hey, what about me?" Bella asked, dejectedly.

Bethany climbed out of my lap and into her mother's. "You're always with me, Mommy. Daddy might go away soon, so I have to play with him now."

I looked at Tanya, who was shaking her head at me. "I'm not going anywhere, sweetheart. Daddy is here for good. In fact, I was thinking about buying you a pony. Would you like that? We can go outside and pick one out right now," I offered.

Surprisingly, Bethany laid her head on Bella's shoulder and began to cry. Seeing my girl cry was bad enough but watching our daughter do it was a much worse pain. I was gutted like a stuck pig.

"What's wrong, love?" Tanya asked, sitting on the other side.

Bella scowled at me. "Bethany doesn't like to get attached to pets. She's…scared she will have to leave them. She had friends at the children's hospital that went to heaven. She…"

I stroked Bethany's back as she began to quiet. "I'm sorry, daddy. I just don't want the little pony to be alone when I go to heaven with the angels. It's not nice to make them my friends and then leave."

I turned away so she wouldn't see me cry. "Nothin' to be sorry about, baby girl. They'll be here if you wanna ride. How about I sing you a song? Will that make you feel better?"

She clapped her hands. "Yes, please."

Tanya brought me my old Gibson. Then, I began strumming the tune that I knew would mean as much to Bella as it would to Bethany. I chose _Breathe _by Faith Hill. It had been the last song Bella and I danced to at our Junior Prom.

"_I can feel the magic floating in the air. Being with you gets me that way I watch the sunlight dance across your face and I've never been this swept away…"_ I sang, looking straight into my gal's eyes.

When I got to the chorus, they joined me, _"'Cause I can feel you breathe. It's washing over me…suddenly I'm melting into you. There's nothing left to prove baby all we need is just to be…caught up in the touch…the slow and steady rush. Baby, isn't that the way that love's supposed to be. I can feel you breathe. Just breathe."_

My lil' darlin' had a lovely voice. Bella and Tanya both began to cry as her sweet little soprano rose above our voices. She had gift. I kept my tenor low so that we could hear her clearly.

By the time the song ended, there wasn't a dry eye in the room. Bethany closed her eyes and let her body go lax. The gentle rise and fall of her chest let me know that she'd fallen asleep. Bella wrapped the throw around her and removed the boots.

"Is there a room where we can take a nap? I don't want to take her home yet. She was so excited about seeing you."

I nodded, putting my guitar away. Tanya kissed Bethany's cheek, and then went to call Felix. I hoped to god that she was going to tell him about the baby. They were both my friends, and I didn't want him to end up like me.

There were several guest rooms. I chose one that had a view of the ponies and a four poster King-sized bed. Gently, Bella laid our baby girl down and kissed her fat cheeks. She sighed and mumbled something. I sat on the other side of the bed, stroking her hair.

"She gets tired so easily. I thought she might have been able to go to school this year, but she fainted in class twice. She has a tutor and we all pitch in with her lessons. She's so smart, Ed, and she makes friends everywhere. It hurts her that she can't play on the playground or run."

I laid down as Bella did the same. We both stared at the angel between us, not knowing what to say. Just looking at my lil' darling, it was easy to see she was gravely ill. She had a beauty that could only be attained by those closest to God.

"I'll run for her. I'm with you all the way, Bella. If they can't save her, we'll both go away. I'll cancel the tour. It doesn't matter. I'm ashamed for how I've treated you all this time. I can only hope that one day you might find it in your heart to forgive me," I sobbed quietly.

She nodded. "I hope I can, too, Ed. I'll never let Bethany be alone. If that day does come, I'm going with her."

I sat up so that I could see her eyes. "What do you mean?"

She kissed Bethany's head and stroked her cheek. "I'm going with her. I have pills and instructions. There are websites that give advice about how to…end your life. If Bethany goes, I won't be far behind. Unlike you, I keep my promises. My baby will never be alone."

I wanted to scream but Bella was already dozing off, so I settled for wrapping my arms around my girls. For the first time in years, I prayed to God. I promised him that I'd really change and live for him if he spared them. I don't know if he heard me, but soon after, it began to rain.

* * *

_Are you liking Edward just a little better? Bethany is a sweetheart. We'll get more of the story as the chapters progress. The next chapter is both Bella's and Ed's POV. I wasn't going to do one, but I think the readers need to see inside her head too. Click the green button and Bethany Grace will serenade you in your dreams. *Huggles*_


	4. Chapter 4: How Do I Live?

_**A/N: **It's been a really long time since I did an update. I took a long break from all my fics, but I"m back now. My plan is to update this one every two weeks until it's done. It probably won't have more than 10-12 chapters. I was thinking about writing a BPOV, but I think this is Edward's tale to tell. Thanks to everyone that read and kept this on alerts. _

_Shout outs to all my twarlings who kept wanting an update of this. **Purpling and SkyeBella** in particular. Check out my **Profile** page for songs and pictures. Please review and let me know what you think. It only takes a minute._

* * *

_**EPOV**_

It had been several years since I got up to watch the sunrise. Last night, after Bella and Bethany left, I couldn't sleep a wink. I stayed up thinking about what my gal told me. She was planning on committing suicide if our baby girl didn't make it. What the hell was I supposed to do with that?

"Damn stubborn woman," I mumbled to myself, lighting up a Marlboro. Nicotine always calmed my nerves.

Bella wasn't my only worry, though. Today, we were driving down to Springfield to see my parents. I'd already called to set it up and almost cried when I heard my dad's voice. He made me promise not to upset mama or my brothers. When I left Bella, I left them, too.

I was on my second cigarette when my Blackberry began buzzing. Cautiously, I answered on the second ring. "It's Ed."

"You can take the boy out of the country, but you can't take the country out of the boy. After all these years, you still answer the phone like a redneck, Ed," Bella teased.

My gal had wolf-like senses so I put my cigarette out before she could rag on me. "It's too early for this. What do you need?"

There was a long sigh and some shuffling on the other end. "If I had anyone else, I wouldn't be asking you. It won't be for long; I just need you to watch Bethany for a few hours. Everyone that usually babysits is laid up with the flu and our neighborhood sitter has school. Please, Ed."

I rubbed the back of my neck. "Hey, babe, you don't even have to ask. Bethany is my lil' girl, too. What will you be doing?"

She mumbled something under her breath before answering. "I'll be at work. We have two offices to clean this morning. I should be done by one. I would feel better if you watched her at our house because all her stuff is here and set up the way she likes it. She was so tired after we left there yesterday. Please, just let her rest."

_What the what?_

"Hey, darlin', you're free to enjoy the day how you want, but I told you to quit that damn job. No woman of mine needs to be cleanin' floors and pickin' up after people. I'll take care of you and Bethany." Standing up to Bella made me want another drag of my cigarette.

"Damn it, Edward! I'm not your woman anymore. You left me and didn't check up for years. I can't do this with you again. I appreciate you taking care of Bethany's surgery, but that's as far as it goes. We are not together. I can take care of myself."

After promising that I would be over soon to watch our baby girl, I gave the bright, Tennessee sun the middle finger and stomped back into the house. No woman ever got under my skin and made me as angry as Bella. She would argue with Christ himself if she had the damn chance!

_***Flashback (age 16)***_

"_You can't just give me money for a dress, Ed! It's okay. Go with Kate. She asked you and she's on the Sophomore Homecoming Court. Ya'll look good together. I'd rather you be there enjoying yourself than at home with me in this old trailer."_

_I balled up my fists and punched the top of her small nightstand. "No! I don't want to go with Kate. I want to take you. If you have a problem acceptin' the money, you can pay me back next year when you get a job."_

_She smiled softly, grabbed my hand, and kissed my now bruised knuckles. "That ain't fair. You busted your ass the last few months to save up for a new guitar and stuff. Go and have fun. I love you."_

_Suddenly very horny, I tackled Bella so that we landed on her small bed. She instantly opened her legs and buried her fingers in my hair. My soldier hardened and throbbed for her, but I knew that neither one of us was prepared. _

"_Sweetness, we need to stop while I still can. You're not ready for this. I don't want to hurt you," I explained while trying to pull away._

_She locked her thighs around my waist and thrust. It was the best feeling in the world and rendered me a goner. There was no way I could resist Bella like this. For the first time in our relationship, she was pure sex._

"_I need you, Ed. Do something," she moaned almost breathlessly._

_The only experience I had were the things that I'd seen in pornos that my brother's loaned me. Guys in the locker room talked, but they left out the details of what they were doing. They did more bragging than anything. I would never treat Bella like that, because what we had was special and only for us._

_Going on instinct, I hesitantly squeezed her breast. My gal's eyes flew open as she slapped me hard across the cheek. The pain was kind of a turn-on, but the disgusted face she made got rid of all my sexual lust._

"_What the hell was that, Ed? Boobs are sensitive things. You can't just squeeze it like you squeeze the damn toothpaste tube! Get off of me," she yelled, pushing against my chest._

_Horny and frustrated, I stood up and walked to the door. "You never know what you want, gal! I'm sick of it. I'm going to Homecoming with Kate. Maybe she'll be better at stuff like that than you." I regretted it the moment it was out of my mouth. "Bella… Wait… I didn't mean it."_

_She rolled over onto her side, facing away from me. "Go, and don't ever come back, Ed. I hope Kate is everything you want in a hoochie. You don't have to pick me up for school or even talk to me anymore. Goodbye."_

_**~~WIB~~**  
_

The sound of footsteps brought me back to the present. It was Tanya waking up for her morning binge. I knew better than to touch the donuts until she picked the ones she wanted, which was usually all of em'. Although, sometimes she'd leave me a stray plain that didn't have enough glaze for her liking.

"You're up early today, Edward. I don't think I've ever seen you in the morning. You look cranky," Tanya pointed out.

I grabbed a bear claw, just to piss her off, and took a huge bite. She glared at me for a minute before heading over to start the Earl Grey. I'd spend a lot of time in Britain, but that damn tea would never replace coffee and Jack for me.

"Bella needs me to watch Bethany today while she works. I gotta find a way to make her quit that job. She's too smart to be a janitor."

Tanya got the milk out of the fridge and sat down at the breakfast bar. "You don't know anything about taking care of a child. I'll go with you. Er, tread lightly with Bella. She's not the same girl you used to know."

An hour later, we were parked in my gal's driveway. I had to give Bella credit for keeping the small house and yard neat and tidy. Still, I wanted my darlings in something better. I made a lot of money over the years, and it was time to put it to good use.

After I helped Tanya get down from the F-150, I went to the back to unload the stuff we'd bought along. We probably had enough food and toys for the whole county. I'd do anything to see Bethany's smile, so I'd went a little overboard.

Bella greeted us at the door. I frowned when I saw the ugly blue janitorial uniform she was wearing. In my dreams, I'd always seen her as a bank manager or businesswoman. The reality, and knowing I caused all this mess, was almost too much.

"Thanks for doing this," she said sincerely, ushering me into the living room.

My sweet darlin' was propped up on pillows and watching the Disney Channel. Worriedly, I noticed that she was paler and even a little smaller than she'd been yesterday. My heart hurt knowing that my girl might be in pain.

"Hey, baby," I sang, bending down to buss her cheeks.

She sat up and wrapped her arms around my neck. "Daddy, I missed you so much. Mommy said you're gonna take care of me today."

I nodded and sat down next to her. Not surprisingly, she immediately crawled into my lap. I spent a few minutes just breathing in her scent and getting my nerves under control. If something didn't change, these could be the last days I spent with my little angel.

After a few minutes, Bella came back with her bag. "Well, I, um, better be off. I just gave Tanya all the emergency numbers. The medicine schedule is on the fridge as well as list of thing she can't eat. Call me if anything, and I mean anything, happens. Oh, and she's been a little sick this morning so watch out for nausea."

I sighed and sat my angel baby aside before motioning to Bella. "We need to talk." When we were out of earshot, I let loose. "I said you don't have to go back to that job anymore. Stop being so damn stubborn! You can stay home and spend more time with Bethany."

She paced, biting down on her full bottom lip. "Look, you can't just come back and boss me around. My coworkers are like my family, and they depend on me. I know this is a strange thing to you, but I don't like letting them down."

I was about to argue when someone pulled into the driveway. Bella gave me one last pointed look, ran over to kiss Bethany goodbye, and then walked out the front door. I watched stupidly as she got into an older looking minivan with another woman.

Sighing, I turned around. Tanya was sitting next to Bethany and showing her some of the toys we'd brought along. Since I was now in a bad mood, I took the boxes and bags of food into the kitchen. Then, I began putting everything in the right place.

The kitchen was immaculately clean, like the rest of the house. Bella bought a lot of healthy food and drinks. I was glad that Tanya had done some research on healthy foods for people with heart conditions, so that all the food we added fit along with what Bella already had in the cupboards and fridge.

I made sure to leave out some fruit and yogurt so that I could make smoothies. I didn't want to be useless to my girls. They deserved so much more than I'd given them so far. All I could do now was try to be the man that they needed.

After checking the allergic foods list to make sure that Bethany could eat the fruits I'd picked, I began putting strawberries, yogurt, bananas, soy milk, and pineapple juice into the blender. Before long, the mixture had turned a pretty pink color. After that, I put the smoothies in the fridge so that I could make the almond butter and strawberry preserves wheat bread sandwiches that I planned to serve for lunch.

Tanya wandered in as I was cutting the crusts off the sandwiches. "Look at you," she said proudly. "I think I should take a picture of this special day."

I laughed and threw a strawberry at her. "Hey, I'm not that damn useless. I grew up on a farm, remember?"

She rolled her big, blue eyes and put the strawberry into the trash. "Your mum did all the domestic work. You used to talk about her a lot when you were pissed. Are you still planning to visit them today?"

I sat down and tugged on my hair. It was getting a little long for my tastes. "I talked to dad last night on the phone. He told me to come to dinner, but I don't know if I can face them. Bella hates me so much and…"

Tanya walked over and rubbed my shoulder. "I know, Cullen, but you need to set things right. Bethany is really sick. She'll need all the family and support possible to get better. I'm sure your family is mad, but they still love you."

After our talk, we went back into the living room to watch TV with Bethany. She was too tired to really play, so I held her in my lap and listened as she told me about her favorite cartoons. Tanya kept leaving the room to talk to someone. I assumed that it was Felix, because she always came back with a goofy grin on her face.

Around noon, I went back to the kitchen to get lunch ready. Then, I set everything up on the screened in porch. Bella had it decorated nicely with a patio table. There were also plush chairs and an older big screen television. The high ceiling fan kept it cool enough for Bethany. She obviously played out here a lot because her toys were everywhere.

"This is nice," I said, looking around the space. I always did love screened in porches.

My lil darlin' nodded. "Nana and Pop made this for me because I can't play outside much. I get really tired, and I pass out sometimes when it's hot. This is my special place."

I was grateful to Renee and Billy for taking care of my gals. Bella's mom must have really changed, because the old Renee was all about herself. I was glad that she had fought for Bella and that she chose a man that obviously loved her daughter and granddaughter.

Tanya had meetings with local talent most of the day, so I told her she could just take the car and go home later. I planned to stay over with Bella and Bethany. If I was ever going to win either of them over, I had to prove that I wasn't going anywhere. After making sure I had everything, my manager left.

It was just me and Bethany for lunch. We talked about everything, including what she liked about school. She had gotten her mother's academic smarts, and for that I was proud. I'd made a lot of money, but I knew that I'd have lost it all if not for Tanya looking out for me.

"This food is really good. I love strawberries," my angel confessed, taking a huge pull of the smoothie through her crazy straw.

I refilled her cup and grabbed another sandwich for myself. "It's nothin' much. I bet your mama makes you delicious stuff all the time."

She nodded her cute little head and smiled at me. "Mommy makes the best chicken nuggets and sweet potato fries. Can you eat with us tonight?"

"I'll have to clear it with your mama, but I'd love to eat with you. Maybe we can make it at my house. The ponies already miss you." I was shamelessly using the one advantage that I had. I knew that Bella would do anything to see Bethany happy, and I wanted my girls with me.

An hour later, Bethany had taken her medicine and was laying down for a nap. Bella sent a text message saying that she'd be home in an hour. I knew she got off at one, so I wondered what she'd be doing for the extra hour. She sounded strange on the phone, but I didn't want to start another argument.

While I waited for her to arrive, I put a load of white clothes in the washing machine and emptied the dishwasher. Esme had spoiled us boys, but we still had to do our own basic chores. I even ended up vacuuming the common areas.

Pretty soon my curiosity got the best of me. Quietly, I slipped into Bella's bedroom and began looking around. She lived modestly with only the basics but everything was sturdy. I particularly liked her wooden sleigh bed.

I knew that I wouldn't find anything in the general areas, so I began rummaging through dresser drawers. My gal didn't have many clothes. Her lingerie drawer was pathetically sparse but what she did have there made my dick hard. Feeling like a pervert, I pulled out a red lace thong and held it to my nose, inhaling the scent of her perfume.

"That smells good," I murmured, replacing it and finding a new item to sniff.

"What the hell are you doing? This is some sick shit, Ed," Bella chastised, coming over to snatch the black bra out of my grasp.

I held up my hands in surrender. "I'm sorry. I just wanted…." I stopped mid-sentence when I saw what was in the corner of the drawer. The box was opened, letting me know that she'd already used a few. All of a sudden, I was the angry one.

"Is that where you've been?" I asked, holding up the box of Trojan Spermicidal Lubricant condoms. "Who did you just fuck?"

She balled up her fist and stared me straight in the eye. "You have no right! Get out of my room. I don't want you here."

I grabbed her arm, dragging her closer. "Tell me! While I was here watching our daughter, you were out getting your rocks off."

I thought she was going to hit me, but she became ice cold instead. "I stopped by to take my family some soup and check on them. If I was out riding some guy, I would gladly tell you. Now leave."

She turned around and started walking to the bathroom. I stood in the same spot for several minutes before putting everything back into her drawers and walking to the door, which was cracked open just enough for me to see inside. The bathroom filled with steam as Bella undressed. Obviously, she didn't know I was still in the room because she seemed relaxed.

Unfortunately, she had flowery fabric shower curtains so I couldn't see her once she stepped inside. I considered going back to the living room to wait, but my erection was too painful. Plus, I really needed to apologize.

All of a sudden, the curtain parted. My gal sat on the edge of the bathtub and began rubbing pink gel on her beautiful legs. After that, she grabbed the razor and began shaving while using the shower head to rinse the hair away.

Groaning, I undid the top button of my Wranglers and pulled them down to my knees. My erection jumped in my hands. I hadn't seen Bella naked in years, but she still affected me the same way. With her, I would always be a horny teenage boy.

_***Flashback (age 16)***_

_Homecoming without my gal sucked. Kate ended up abandoning me after the dance, and later I found out that she'd had a threesome with James and one of his friends. I felt horrible that I'd blown off my sweet angel for something so shitty._

_It had been six weeks since the big fight, and Bella still refused to speak to me. I tried everything; flowers, candy, small gifts, but nothing worked. It was pure torture seeing her in school and not being able to touch her warm body._

_One Saturday I decided enough was enough, so I climbed into my truck and drove to Bella's trailer. I knew that Renee was gone again and I was worried that she'd left Bella without food or money. Unfortunately, my suspicions had been right._

_When I got to the side of the trailer, I saw my gal sitting on the back steps. She'd been crying. Without saying a word, I walked up and sat beside her. We didn't speak for a long time, we just listened to the leaves fall around us._

"_I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said any of that stuff. I've missed you so much," I confessed, scooting closer._

_Bella used the sleeve of her old plaid shirt to wipe her eyes. "She said she wouldn't leave again without telling me. She left a note but no money. Her last boyfriend was a pig, and he finished off the groceries. Why, Ed?"_

_Cautiously, I wrapped my arm around her tense shoulders. "I'm sure she just forgot, sweetie. I'll take care of you."_

_Bella recoiled and stood up. "I don't need your help or your pity. _

_"Why doesn't anyone love me? What's wrong with me? I'm always alone. Other girls in our class complain that their mothers are all in their business, and I envy them! I wish my mom would care enough to stay with me. I guess I'm not good enough for anybody."_

"_That's not true!"_

_She laughed. "Isn't it, though? Everyone leaves me in the end. I ain't got no friends. I'm just the white trailer trash with the town-whore mama!"_

"_Bella… I…"_

_She put her fingers over my lips and led me inside the trailer. Renee clearly hadn't paid the light bill either, because there were candles everywhere. I felt really sorry for my angel, and I wanted to take her away from all the misery._

_When we got to her small room, she began taking off her clothes. I was just a horny teenage boy so all I could was stare as her blossoming body came into view. Up until now, we'd only done a little top of the clothes action._

"_Wow," I mumbled, putting my calloused hands on the soft swell of her breast. "You're beautiful."_

_Bella sat down on the bed. I took the spot next to her. Then, she wiggled out of her underwear and crawled under the covers. I had to think of baseball stats to get the raging boner in my pants to go down a little._

"_Come on. This is what you want, isn't it? I'm tired of being hungry in the dark. If you want to help me out, I'll give you something in return. How hard can it be? Renee does this all the time." When I looked over, I noticed that my sweetness was fighting back tears. _

_I laid down on the bed and slipped off my shirt. After that, I propped myself on my elbow so that I could look down at Bella. She truly was the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen, and she was only fifteen. Like any other hot blooded American boy, I really wanted to have sex, but I wanted it to be special for my gal._

_This time I treated Bella right. I kissed her tenderly, caressed her breast like they were rose petals, and worked her softly with my fingers. Her soft little moans and cries were torture to my lil' cowboy, but her pleasure was more important than mine._

_All too soon, she yelled, "It's happening, Ed," and creamed._

_I looked down at my damp fingers in awe before bending down and kissing her soft lips. "You're amazing! It ain't like those pornos at all. I felt you, all of you."_

_My darling blushed and pulled me on top of her. I closed my eyes and willed myself not to come while she unbuttoned my pants. I knew that if I put it in her, it would be over in about a minute. I had no experience, which meant no stamina._

"_Stop," I grunted, trying to roll to the side._

_Bella looked up at me curiously. "Don't you want to? I… I'm ready."_

"_No you're not. I always want you, Bella, but you know right now isn't the right time. We don't even have any protection."_

_She blushed and sat up, allowing me to break free. "I guess you're right. Can I…um… you know…make you feel good?" she asked, gesturing to my jeans._

_I pulled her into my lap and hugged her tightly. "You made me feel good by letting me be the giver of your very first orgasm. I'm starving and you need to eat. Let's go to the grocery store. If you want to pay me back, you can make some of your delicious smothered chicken and rice."_

"_What about the electric?"_

_I smiled. "We'll pay it while we're out and ask them to have it on by the time we get back. I'll tell mama that I'm spending the night at Tyler's house so that I can stay here with you. Sound good?"_

_She nodded. "Thanks for coming back and always taking care of me, Ed. I love you."_

_Knowing that I could handle things for my sweet gal made me really feel like a man. "I'll always take care of you, Bella Swan. I love you, too."_

_**~~WIB~~**  
_

After that flashback, I no longer felt good about jacking off while Bella shaved her legs. I made so many promises and broken em' all. Resigned, I buttoned up my pants and left the room.

When I got to the kitchen, I thoroughly washed my hands and started making a late lunch for Bella. I put some chicken and cranberry salad with Foccacia bread on a plate and poured two glasses of the fancy white wine Tanya had insisted I buy for Bella. For dessert I had crepes with strawberry cream filling, another pick from my snooty manager.

After everything was set up the way I wanted, I lit some candles and put on the instrumental version of _Tennessee Queen_. Then, I sat back and admired my handiwork. I could be a bit of a romantic when the mood struck.

"What the hell is all this?" Bella asked, strolling into the kitchen. She'd changed into an over-sized Titans shirt and skimpy black shorts.

"Damn," I mumbled, noticing the smoothness of her legs and the fact that she wasn't wearing a bra.

"Stop gawkin' at me, Ed. I'll just grab a sandwich and let you and Tanya eat alone. I don't really feel like company." The bags under her eyes looked painful. _She doesn't sleep enough._

"This lunch ain't for Tanya; it's for you. Come take a seat," I ordered while pulling out a chair.

She looked at me quizzically before complying. "What's gotten into you? A few minutes ago, you were sniffin' my underwear."

I think I might have blushed. "I'm sorry about all that. We need to talk, and you gotta eat, right?"

"Okay, but don't let me catch you in my room without permission again. We're not together, Ed. I'm free to sleep with who I want and so are you."

I growled and poured myself a bigger glass of wine. "We'll see about that."

Thankfully, Bella had an appetite. She ate everything with relish and even refilled her plate. I loved seeing her flushed cheeks and sparkling eyes. Being with her brought back good ol' memories of the way we used to be before I took the coward's way out.

When Bella finished, I put the crepes on a saucer and passed her one. She moaned with the first bite. We ate quietly while listening to the background noise of the television. It seemed like neither of us wanted to spoil the mood with a fight.

Half an hour later, the dishes were put away and we were sitting on the living room couch. Bethany was still sleeping, which Bella assured me was normal because of the new medication. My sweet lil' angel was so tiny and frail, even more so in her sleep.

"Hey, Ed, can you bring me some more of that Riesling before you sit down?" Bella asked, holding out her glass.

When I returned, she was tucked under a throw and flipping through a photo album. After handing over the refilled glass, I sat down beside her. She smelled like lemons and honeysuckle. I wanted to bury my nose in her thick hair.

"Look, here's Bethany when she was born. She weighed less than two pounds because I delivered her at twenty-nine weeks. I cried so much when they took her away to the incubator. I just wanted to hold my little girl, but she was so tiny and fragile," Bella whimpered, trying in vain to hold back her tears.

"I should have been there with you. She coulda' died and I'd never have known her at all. I'm so sorry, Bella."

My gal sighed and turned the page. There were half a dozen photos of her pregnant. Renee, Billy, and Jake were in some. She looked sad but hopeful. Her little baby bump was cute, and I told her so.

"Things got bad for me after you left, Ed. Mama was almost never home anymore. I really didn't have anyone, so I fell in with the wrong crowd. James came around, and we…um, started hooking up. He introduced me to all kinds of drugs and alcohol. I went along with it because they numbed the pain a little," she confessed sadly.

I held her hand as she cried. "I thought leaving would make your life better. I wanted you to move to New York and go to college. I never thought…"

Suddenly, she pulled away. "You were selfish, Ed. It was _me_ that was holding _you_ back. I would have done anything for you. The day you broke up… I went home and I didn't leave the bed for a week. All I could see was you and Jessica laughing at me."

Jessica Stanley had been one of the biggest mistakes of my life. I knew that she'd always hated Bella so I used her as part of my breakup plan. It took me months to shake that bimbo, and she had the audacity to fake a pregnancy.

It was easy to see that Bella was about to break down, so I decided to find out all the facts while she was willing. "Tell me what happened? What's wrong with our baby girl?"

An hour later, we'd gone through a whole mess of Kleenex, and Bella had drunk most of the bottle of wine. I was stunned speechless by the things she told me. I'd been off getting my rocks off and her life had fallen apart.

Bethany had Subaortic Stenosis, and it meant the blood wasn't flowing through her heart the way it should. I was far from a medical doctor but even I knew the body needs blood flow. My poor baby girl had already gone through serious surgeries and now her other organs were starting to fail her.

I yelled, "Damn it," for the hundredth time and stood up. I didn't care if I had to use every last penny I'd made to make my daughter well.

"I know it's rough to hear. She's been so brave, but now there are kidney, spleen, and gall bladder problems. I can't lose her. I've been with parents when they were told that their children have passed. I'm not strong enough, Ed," Bella sobbed, reaching for my hand.

I sat down and dragged her into my lap. For the next few minutes, we just rocked back and forth. My gal trembled in my arms as I let her cry it out. Pretty soon, something in the air changed. Bella's hardened nipples were pressed into my side, and she was rubbing my lower stomach.

"Ed, kiss me," she whispered, looking up at me.

I bent down. "You never have to ask."

We mauled each other. There was nothing tender about it. I had Bella half-naked and writhing under me in less than a minute. She harshly pulled the hair at the nape of my neck as I took off her little jean shorts.

I was kissing her bellybutton when we heard wailing. Both of us got dressed in a flash and ran to Bethany's room. She was sitting up in bed trying to wipe her mouth. I smelled and saw the vomit from where I stood.

"I'm sorry, Mommy," our sweet baby girl cried softly.

Bella shushed her. "It's not your fault, sweetheart. Let's get you cleaned up." Before they left the room, Bella turned around. "Ed, can you ball those sheets up and put them in the laundry room sink? I'm gonna give her a bath." I nodded like a useless idiot and practically ran from the room.

Later, I was holding my lil' angel in my arms. When Bella joined us, looking tired as hell, Bethany asked me to sing something. I passed her to her mama and went to fetch my guitar from the closet.

I chose an Alan Jackson song that reminded me of my baby girl, "_Oh I'm blessed and I know I am. God has dealt me a winning hand. A loving woman and a fairy land for me_…" I smirked, enjoying both my gals big smiles as I played. "_My baby has big green eyes brighter than the bluest sky, softer than an angel flies. Sweeter than a lullaby and she loves me without design. Her picture never leaves my mind. I don't deserve a love this fine. Baby and her big green eyes."_

"Thank you, Daddy," Bethany squealed, clapping her tiny little hands. Her innocent beauty made me misty.

Bella hugged our daughter close while looking over at me. "I was so happy when I saw she had your eyes. It was like a part of you was still here."

I ended up canceling dinner at my parent's farm. Carlisle sounded upset that I wasn't coming, but I wanted my gals with me, and Bethany was too sick. I'd only told my parents the bare essentials. Papa had raised me better than to fuck and run, so I knew he'd be the most upset by everything. It also worried me that Emmett and Jasper weren't returnin' my calls.

Around five, Bella started getting ready for her other job. I was tired of the stubborn shit, so I decided to confront her. When she came out of the room in that god awful Red Lobster uniform, I pounced.

"Look, Bell, I don't care if you stay mad at me, but you gotta quit. Bethany needs you here more than you need to prove a point. I'll take care of us, and if you want to go back to work later, we can talk about it."

She tugged on her ponytail, appearing deep in contemplation. You win, Ed. I'll call the manager."

Bethany, who I thought was busy reading a book, high-fived me as I passed. "Go, Daddy."

I leaned down and tickled her belly. "You little sneak. I needed backup in there, ya' know."

Giggling, she laid her head on my shoulder. "Can you promise to not leave us again? I love you."

I kissed her soft little cheek and promised her that I would always be here. Come hell or high water, I was sticking with my gals. The days of being a JD drinking, rolling stone were over.

Thankfully, my baby girl managed to eat again and keep it down. Her nausea was a side effect of some new medicine that she was taking. Bella didn't think it was working and from what I'd seen, she was right.

After an hour of kid's television, two short stories, and a song, our daughter fell asleep peacefully in her bed. I cuddled with her for a long time. Her body felt too small and every breath seemed to cost her a lot of energy.

Eventually, my body started to cramp from being in the smaller bed. I put on the nightlight and one of my songs before leaving the room. At the door, I couldn't resist one last glance at my serene angel. She really was a gift from God.

After that, I walked down the hall to Bella's room. She was on the phone, so I started to leave, but my curiosity got the best of me. I knew she could have been talking to her mama, but I wanted to make sure.

"You know I don't do dates. I just… I… Things are bad again. Can we meet at our hotel off the highway?" She paused to listen to him. "I have most of the box of condoms from last time," Another pause. "You know I don't spend the night, Alec, so stop askin'. I'll meet you at two tonight, Pause. "Yeah, bye."

I felt like a bull fresh out of the gate as I pushed open the door. "What the hell is going on, Bella? Who the fuck is Alec? After all this shit tonight, you're gonna just…"

My gal sat down on the floor and curled her knees up to her chest. "I need it, Ed! When things get bad with Bethany, I feel like…like I'm dying. Sex with Alec makes me feel alive. He doesn't even know my real name or anything. We just fuck. We just fuck," she sobbed.

I punched the top of the dresser and stared down at her. "You can use me!"

"I can't! You were special. With Alec and the others, it's just a physical release. Please watch Bethany while I go out. Do this for me," she begged.

"You're asking me to let you go bang another man. I can't do that!"

She laughed. "_You_ had no problem doing it. I know you've slept with groupies all over the world. Look, either you stay with Bethany or I can call a night sitter."

I knew then that I'd lost the fight. "Just know that it's gonna kill me when you go see him tonight. You wanted to hurt me, well that'll do it."

We didn't speak for the rest of the night. Every time I checked in on our daughter, Bella was curled up with her. I wanted to do and say so much, but I was drained from the day. If less than twenty four hours with my gals was this stressful, I wasn't sure about my chances of survival.

I ended up sleeping on the couch in the living room. A little after one, I was woken up by a noise. Bella was next to the couch sobbing and staring down at me. Because I didn't want the confrontation, I pretended to be asleep.

"I'm sorry, Ed. I'm so sorry," she whimpered, walking away.

I held on until I heard the car pull away, and then I broke down. The woman that I loved with all my heart was out there letting another man… I couldn't even think it. The saddest part was I brought all this bad shit onto myself.

Sluggishly, I stood up and went to check on Bethany. She was sleeping peacefully as my cover of Leann Rimes _How Do I Live_ played quietly. I sat down on the floor next to the bed and shed tears for a woman that would never love me again and a daughter who might be spending her last days on Earth.

I joined in at the chorus, "_I need you in my arms, need you to hold. You're my world, my heart, my soul. If you ever leave, baby you would take away everything good in my life. And tell me now…How do I live without you? I want to know, How do I breathe without you? If you ever go, How do I ever, ever survive? How do I, how do I, oh how do I live without you."_

When the song ended, I pulled out my phone and dialed the man that had always been there for me. I owed him so much. "Hey, Pa, I know it's late, but I need to talk to you…"

* * *

_I know you're probably mad at Bella, but she has vices too. Don't kill me or Alec. Our girl might surprise us. These two need lots of work. Don't give up on them yet. Bethany is the most important and they'll try for her. We meet the Cullens in the next chapter. Who wants to bet that there are some angry family members? Huggles. I'll be with the Stoli. _


	5. Chapter 5: What Hurts the Most

**_A/N:_** _Happy Thanksgiving! I hope you all had a great holiday. Enjoy this update. The song is on my **Profile** page. Leave me a review and let me know what you think._

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Twilight. If I did, there would have been way, way more sex.

* * *

_**EPOV**_

The next morning, we drove to Monroe Carrell Jr. Children's Hospital at Vanderbilt. I was still angry at Bella, but I knew it wasn't the right time to hash out our problems. Bethany had an appointment, and it would be my first time meeting with her doctors. I'd even had a pediatric cardiologist specialist flown in from Stanford.

"Did you know, this place was named the best children's hospital in the country? I'm so glad they took us with my shitty insurance. Bethany really liked St. Jude, but the commute to Memphis was rough," Bella explained, glancing out the window.

I took a deep breath and parked the car. Bethany was fast asleep in the back, and I hated that we'd have to wake her up. She barely moved as I lifted her from the Nautilus car seat. Bella was very protective of our little girl, so I didn't question the need for the seat.

On the phone last night, Pa told me that nothing will sober a man up like facing the death of his child. I didn't understand those words until I stepped through the hospital doors. I saw it in the eyes of fathers we passed, some carrying babies with their heads wrapped in gauze. Fighting back tears, I squeezed Bethany a little tighter and let Bella lead the way.

Luckily, we didn't have to wait because I'd called ahead. It was true that money couldn't buy you happiness, but it could buy some comfort in life. As soon as Mr. Jenks delivered the check to the hospital, Bethany became VIP: a very important patient.

The nurse was already waiting in the room, so I laid my angel down and let Bella do the rest. She had so much practice with everything, and I was still basically dumb. It was taking an effort for me not to freak out and run away. It wasn't that I didn't want to be with daughter, it was just a lot to handle. Sick people had always made me nervous, and sick kids were even worse.

Bethany smiled at me as the nurse went to get her doctor. I vowed then and there not to think about myself. This was about my family and their needs. I'd already messed up my pathetic life by running away with my tail between my legs. A real man stayed when times got tough.

As we waited, I watched Bella fidget and bite her lip. Obviously, her boy toy wasn't too great in bed. I'd always been able to make her relax when we did it. She was a wildcat in bed and not shy to tell a man what she wanted, or at least she had been like that when we were teenagers. Suddenly, I realized I didn't know the new Bella at all.

After making sure Bethany was preoccupied with an Ipad game, I leaned over and whispered, "How was last night?" into Bella's ear.

She scowled and put some distance between our chairs. "None of your damn business."

I snickered, scooting closer. "He must not be very good, because you're as nervous as a newborn foal. Sex with me used to make you mellow."

All the color drained from my gal's face. "Go to hell, Ed."

I hadn't expected such a harsh reaction, and it hurt. "Fine. I'm just tryin' to understand why you're out sleeping with strange men. It ain't makin' you feel better."

She laughed. "You're one to talk. Let's see how many hoochies you'll hook up with while you're here. I'm so sick of your double standards when it comes to _my_ sex life. We're over, so I'm free to do my own thing."

Thank heaven the doctor chose that moment to walk in to the room. I rolled my eyes when I caught him checking out Bella's body. It was still hot, so she was just wearing a light purple sundress that left a lot of skin on display. I'd asked her to change before we left, but she just laughed at me.

"You must be Bethany's father, I'm Dr. Hutchinson," he greeted, shaking my hand. I returned with more force than was necessary, doing a mental happy dance when he winced.

I put on my fakest polite smile and introduced myself. "Edward Cullen, you may have heard me on the radio."

Bella rolled her eyes at me before turning to the doctor. "Dr. H, the medicine you prescribed doesn't work. Bethany was as sick as a dog yesterday." _Dr.__H?__ She__ has__ a __nickname __for__ this __shithead._

My little sweetheart took her earphones out and put the Ipad aside. "My tummy hurt and I threw up," she acknowledged sadly.

I leaned down and brushed the hair from her eyes. "It's okay. None of this is your fault, honey. We just want you to get better."

Apparently, there was some tenderness around Bethany's kidney area. The nurse informed Bella that she'd need to use the dialysis machine again. The whole thing was surreal for me, but my gal handled it in stride. Nothing they said seemed to surprise her at all.

After the checkup, the doctor walked Bella and I to a private office. I shook hands with some hospital administration staff and was even asked to sign a few items for charity auctions. My gal was quiet, but she gave me a small smile when I finished signing.

Then my specialist, Doctor Eleazar Morales cordially introduced himself. He was smaller than I'd expected, just a little taller than Bella. I'd been told that he was one of the best pediatric cardiologists in America, so I was thankful that he wanted to help my Bethany.

The doctors spoke what might as well have been Chinese while Bella and I struggled to understand in layman's terms. The reason her insurance wouldn't cover any of the surgery was because it was too experimental. They explained that our baby girl was almost out of options.

"This procedure doesn't have a one-hundred percent success rate," Dr. Morales explained, showing us some charts. "It's in very early stages, but the results so far have been promising."

Dr. Hutchinson agreed. "Bethany's vital organs are rapidly failing because her heart isn't pumping correctly. Her body has not reacted well to any of the other surgeries or drugs we've tried. I'm not going to sugarcoat this—she could die on that table."

Bella gasped and reached for more Kleenex. I tried to wrap my arm around her shoulders, but she pushed me away. The hole in the pit of my stomach dropped some more. I felt like shit about everything. What if our baby girl died?

**~~WIB~~**

An hour and a half later, we were back on the road. Bethany seemed in good spirits, but I knew she pretended for our sakes. The hospital visit had been exhausting and frustrating for us all. There was no right way to handle something like that.

"So, uh, where do you guys want to eat lunch?" I asked, trying to bring some cheer back for my gals.

Bella shrugged. "I'm not hungry."

Fortunately, my lil' darlin' was willing to give me a break. "Burger King," she yelled happily, bouncing in her seat.

I pulled off the highway at the first one I saw. It was a little after noon, so there were a lot of cars there for lunch. My baby girl and I kept up a nice conversation while Bella continued to sulk. I decided to just ignore her for the moment.

"What can I get you?" the lil' blonde girl at the window asked. She had braces that shined in the sun. I was about to order, when she got a good look at me and screamed. It took a few minutes for her to calm down and take our order.

Bethany ended up choosing a BK cheeseburger meal, asking that the burger be halved. Bella still maintained that she wasn't hungry, but I could hear her stomach grumbling, so I ordered for her.

"Also, give me a triple Whopper meal with large coke and fries and a double Whopper with large Sprite and fries. Oh, and a strawberry shake, an Oreo brownie sundae, and a dutch apple pie, please."

Bella glared my way. "Damn, you still eat like a hog."

I smirked. "The double Whopper meal and Oreo sundae are for you. "You didn't think I forgot your BK favorites, did you?"

"I don't eat that anymore," she muttered, looking away from me.

Bethany giggled from the back seat. "Yes you do, mommy. You let me eat some of your Oreo stuff last time." I turned and winked at my brilliant kid.

Not another word was said as we finally moved to the next window. Bella was so tense that it was almost unbearable to sit next to her. I wanted to lay my hand on her jumpy knee to still it, but I was scared she'd belt me. I had a photoshoot in a few days, so the last ting I needed was a shiner.

After we got our food, I pulled into the lot so that Bella could go in back and help Bethany get set up. My baby girl loved car trips and had her own activity bag. She blew a kiss at me as her mom put earphones in her ear and set up a movie on one of my headrest DVD players.

_Jesus, __I__ love__ her_, I thought fondly.

Instead of getting back in the passenger seat, Bella walked to my side. "Can I drive? That way, you can eat comfortably."

"Yeah, are you sure you can handle this truck?" I asked, eying my precious F-150.

Bella snorted and opened the door. "I'm built Ford tough, remember?" I walked to the passenger side, smiling at the memory.

_***Flashback (age 17)* **_

"_Foolin' around in your truck is so redneck," Bella teasingly complained, as she straddled my hips._

_I kissed her hard, pulling her closer. "You know you love it, baby."_

_She wrinkled her nose and poked me in the chest. "Ugh! You've got to stop watching those cheesy pornos, Ed." _

"_Okay, I'll give them up if you'll have sex with me."_

_Used to my ways, she smiled. "But you're so cute when you have blue balls." _

_We bantered back and forth until the need to touch each other took over. It was early August, so we didn't really need blankets, but I'd put plenty in the bed of the truck. I liked my gal to be comfortable when we fooled around. Emmett and Jasper said it made women agreeable to doing more._

"_I'm always so hot and wet down there for you," Bella moaned, guiding my hand._

_I easily slipped off her little cotton shorts while she discarded the tank top. Her body was beautiful under the moonlight. At sixteen years of age, she'd matured into a true natural beauty. I'd even seen grown men older than my dad look at her with lust in their eyes, which pissed me off._

_Bella whimpered and sucked on my neck as she rode my fingers. I used my free hand to palm her breasts, liking the way they responded. She'd never have large boobs, but what she had was more than enough for me. _

"_Ed, press harder with your thumb. Oh god! Right there, right there! Ungh."_

_Quickly, I turned her around so that she was facing the front. Then, I spread her legs wider and sped up the movements of my hand. All the while, I whispered things to her, like how I thought she was the most beautiful girl I'd ever seen._

"_I'm...coming," she warned, trying to push my hand away. I kept rubbing, even when she dug her nails into my wrists. After awhile, she went still in my arms, panting for air._

_Laughing, I kissed her bare shoulder. "It was that good, huh?"_

_A few minutes later, I wasn't laughing. Bella was on her knees, sucking my lil' cowboy for all she was worth. My brain shut down and all the blood in my body pooled in my dick. I loved the feel of my gal's silky hair on my thighs as she swallowed me deeply. _

"_Am I doing this right?" she asked, licking the tip._

"_Shit! Back up, Bella. Now," I yelled, pushing on her shoulders right before I erupted._

_When I opened my eyes again, she was leaning against the back window and rubbing her head. In that moment, I realized that I'd hurt my Bella. Feeling like the worst boyfriend in the world, I crawled to her side._

"_I'm so sorry, sweet gal. Do we need to go to the emergency room?" Seconds later, I started to feel worse as she got teary-eyed. "Say something."_

_Bella pulled me into her arms, and at that angle I could see that the tears were from laughter not crying. "Are you afraid your jizz tastes funky? I was gonna spit it out anyway."_

_Smiling with relief, I wrapped my arm around her waist and examined her head. "Just like this truck, you're built Ford tough, Bella Swan."_

_**~~WIB~~**  
_

Pa used to tell me that the trick to winning a woman's heart was never giving up. Clearly, he didn't know Bella. She could run away the most patient man.

"Hey, your sundae is melting. Why don't you let me feed you?" I hedged, holding up the spoon.

"I'm not fucking hungry," she hissed.

"What's the matter with you? I know you hate me, but you're being stubborn. I can hear your stomach rumblin'. Why won't you just let me do this small thing for you?"

She opened her mouth without taking her eyes off the road. "Well, put it in." My lil' cowboy was on full alert now.

Somehow, I awkwardly fed Bella while she followed the GPS instructions. Bethany barely ate her burger, but finished off my fries and half of her mother's. We were just happy that she had an appetite. I knew that Bella made sure she ate healthy most of the time, but every kid deserved some good ol' fashioned junk food now and again.

When we pulled up the ranch, there were hands out feeding the horses and checking the grounds. I smiled, noticing Felix's car. I'd already called Tanya, so I was confident that they'd be decent. I'd already had the misfortune of walking in on them once, and it was like a bear mauling a puppy.

_Yuck._

This time, Bella carried Bethany while I unloaded the bags. We still had a few hours before my family would arrive. Pa didn't know if he could convince my brothers and their families to come along, so it was more than likely just mama and him.

Before I even got to the porch, Felix was lifting both Bella and Bethany up into a tight hug. He looked like he killed men for a living, but he was a gentle giant. Tanya was actually the scariest part of that coupledom, and I had bruises to prove it!

"Where have you been hiding these beauties?" Felix asked, setting them down.

Bella turned to me and whispered, "Wow", before walking inside.

When we got there, she put Bethany down and introduced herself. "I'm Bella Swan," she turned to my baby girl, "and this is my daughter Bethany Swan. Pleased to meet you."

My angel tugged on Felix's pants leg "You're Ms. Tanya's man. She's nice and pretty. Are you gonna marry her? My mommy and daddy don't want to get married. They fight a lot." Both Bella and I frowned.

"We just have a lot of things to work out," I assured, kissing her nose.

"Remember what I always tell you, sweetie: Mommies and Daddies don't have to be married to love their kids. We love you very much," Bella added for good measure.

I told my gals to go upstairs and make themselves comfortable while I talked to Felix. I felt like the last few days had been the biggest test of my life, and I was failing. There was still so much anger and bad energy between me and Bella.

"Dude," Felix said, plopping down on the couch next to me,"why the hell would you leave her? She's a hottie! Oh, and your kid is beautiful. Just saying, I would not be hooking up with skanks if I had a family like that at home."

I buried my head in a pillow and screamed until I felt slightly better. "I didn't know about Bethany, and I thought leaving Bella was for the best. Now, she hates my guts. I can't do right for doing wrong. Plus, my lil' darlin' is really sick. How much has Tanya told you?"

"Enough," he replied, patting on the back. "I'm sorry, man. Anything I can do, just name it."

I smiled. "I'm just happy that you're here. How did you take the news?"

"What news?" _Oh,__don't__ tell __me._

"Tanya didn't tell you? I told her that it's not right, especially after what happened to me..."

He stood up. "Spit it out, Cullen! What's going on? Did she decide to go back to that Caius fool? He doesn't treat her like she deserves."

I was about to answer when the woman of the hour walked into the room. She looked disheveled, wearing a baggy hoodie and sweatpants. It was no wonder Felix hadn't noticed.

"Sit down, love," she coaxed, giving me the stink eye as she passed.

I held up my hands. "Hey, it's your fault."

Felix looked between us worriedly. "Tell me. Now!"

Tanya took a deep breath and blurted out, "I'm pregnant."

Felix screamed, "You," and jumped on me. Soon after, I blacked out.

_**~~WIB~~**_

I woke up to a bright light in my eyes. Someone was holding something putrid under my nose. Gagging, I sat up. "What happened?"

Bella handed me an icepack. "Felix thought you got Tanya pregnant, so he tackled you. It's really pretty funny when you think about it."

I snatched the pack, holding it up to my throbbing face. "Such a sympathetic woman."

Felix took Bella's place and handed me a cold beer. "I'm so sorry, dude. I just get so jealous when I think of Tanya with another man. Can you see?"

I nodded. "I may be a bastard, but you and Tanya are two of my only friends. I'd never hurt ya' like that."

My manager scowled, tapping her foot. "You should be apologizing to me, you bloody fool! Why does everyone think _I_ would sleep with Edward Cullen, let alone let him father my baby?"

Clearly, Bella agreed. "You've got more brains than me, girl. I did both, and look where I'm at in life. I love my daughter, but if I knew then what I know now, I would have chosen a different father. You're lucky."

Her words cut me deep. It must have shown on my face because Felix and Tanya tried to defend me, but it was too late. Bella regretted everything we had together. What did I expect anyway? She was never gonna welcome me back with open arms.

"I think I'm gonna lay down before my parents get here. Oh, and where's Bethany? Did she see Felix hit me?"

Bella shook her head. "No, she's upstairs watching TV in your bed. I can move her if you want..."

"Naw, we can share. I'm feeling a mite lonely right now anyway."

As usual, my daughter welcomed me with open arms. She even used her princess power to make my eye feel better. I pulled a throw over us and let her lay on my chest. Soon after, we both fell into a deep sleep.

Later, Bella cornered me on the stairway. I'd taken a shower and changed while she got our lil' darlin' ready. My parents were due to arrive in thirty minutes, and I was nervous as hell. I'd spoken to Pa on the phone, but I knew that Mama was gonna be the hard one.

"Can I talk to you?" my gal asked, leading me back up the stairs.

"What's this about?"

She closed the sitting room door and turned to me. "I'm sorry for what I said earlier. It was cruel. You're trying really hard to be a good daddy, and I'm letting my old shit ruin it for everyone."

I played with the buttons on my navy shirt, not really sure what to say. "I know I messed up, but I'm here now. All I can do is keep proving myself and hope that one day, you won't hate me so much."

She sighed. "I don't even know what I feel anymore. I thought I was over you, but now you're here... It's a lot for me. I spent the last seven years trying to let you go."

"I tried the same thing and no dice. What if we're meant to be together? You have to admit that there's a magnetism between us."

"I...I...," Bella began, "I think it's just lust and familiarity. Before you came, I had no problem hooking up, but last night, I couldn't go through with it. I would have just been imagining your face while he was on top of me."

I backed away. "Wait, you mean you didn't go see Alec?"

She nodded sadly. "I couldn't do it after the talk we had. I told him that it's over. I spent the hours at a coffee shop downtown, just people watching and thinking. I had to get away from you."

Hope and joy swelled in me. "That's why you're so restless. You know, the offer is still on the table. We used to be so in sync...sexually."

Bella began twirling her hair, like she always did when considering something big. "I can't let you hurt me again, but things are about to get tough. Sometimes, I just need a distraction. I've tried running, aerobics, meditation, but nothing works."

I took Bella's hand and led her to the beige sectional. She sat next to me, crossing her sexy smooth legs. I swallowed hard, and turned. Her vulnerable brown eyes were burning holes in mine. The electricity between us practically crackled.

"Come here," I whispered, arranging her on my lap.

At first, I didn't do anything but hug her tightly. She kept her small hands on my shoulders, like she was afraid of me. Shortly after, I began kissing both sides of her neck, swiping my tongue on the spots that I knew made her crazy. The fresh scents of lemon and freesia tickled my nose as I brushed my lips over every available area of skin.

"We should stop."

I sought her lips, sucking the bottom one in my mouth. "Is that what you want?"

The minute she stopped fighting, her body became pliant in my hands. I pulled the sundress over her head, tossing it aside. She was only wearing a small pair of beige cheekies underneath, which gave me good access to her plump derriere.

"You're still so beautiful," I murmured, pulling the ponytail holder out of her hair. I liked when she wore it loose and wild.

"Edward, please," she whimpered, "don't start what you can't finish. Let me go."

Soothingly, I rubbed my hand up and down her bare back as the other one held her head in place. "Who says I can't finish? You want this as much as me."

She sighed as I brought my hands to rest gently on her hips. "Wherever you touch, it leaves a burn on my skin. It's like you brand me, Ed."

I smiled and flicked my tongue across her nipple. "It's the same for me."

Bella pulled away. "No it's not! It was so easy for you to leave. If I give in to you again, I'm going to be the one hurt when you decide you don't want this life."

The sexual haze was wearing off quickly and being replaced with anger. "I thought about you every goddamn day, Bella. I'm here for you and Bethany as long as you want me."

I thought she would get up and leave, but instead, she pulled me closer. "Take off your shirt." Apparently, I didn't do it fast enough, because she ended up helping me on the last few.

When we were chest to chest, she dipped her head, biting down on my shoulder. My khakis were loose but not loose enough for my straining erection. "Bella," I pleaded, looking from her eyes to my crotch.

She put her hand over the aching spot and pressed down gently. "Is that all for me?"

I gulped, pulling her flush against my body. We looked each other deep in the eye as we ground our hips together. I kept one hand firmly on Bella's butt, and the other one wrapped tightly around her waist. Each time she thrust forward, her soft hair brushed my chest.

"Can we stop so I can take off my pants? I don't want to get them dirty."

Nodding, my gal eased to the side so that I could remove the khakis. Now that they were gone, we only had a thin barrier of cloth between us. I nibbled and suckled her nipples as she played with the hair at the nape of my neck.

"Stay there, Ed," Bella shouted, always letting me know what she liked.

Mewling, she licked me slowly and sweetly. I held her so tightly that I wouldn't have been surprised to see bruises. Full on sex with groupies had never felt this good. My gal owned me, and I was stupid to think that I could ever escape her siren's call.

"Shhh," I whispered, using the pad of my thumb to work her clitoris. "I'll take care of you."

Bella stopped moving, and then hopped off my lap. "I'm sorry. This was a mistake."

"Hey," I called, as she picked up her dress, "don't leave it like this. Talk to me, sweet gal."

She barked, "Don't follow me," and dashed from the room.

My lil' cowboy retreated to the den of loneliness while I went to my room to change clothes. Thankfully, I had another ironed pair of khakis and navy shirt hanging in the closet. I sniffed the other set before reluctantly putting them in my laundry hamper. They smelled like Bella.

Before I went downstairs, I took a few minutes to get my emotions under control. Music always made me feel better, so I turned on the Bose. Fittingly, Rascal Flatt's, _What__ Hurts__ the__ Most_ began blasting from the speakers.

I sat down on the bed and sang along,"_What __hurts__ the __most.__ Was __being__ so__ close.__ And__ having __so __much__ to__ say. __And__ watching__ you __walk__ away.__And __never__ knowing.__ What __could__ have__ been.__ And__ not__ seeing__ that __loving__ you.__ Is __what__ I__ was __tryin__' __to__ do.__"_

My gal had always turned my world upside down. Being this close to her, but still so far away, hurt. She didn't want nothing to do with me. I was just foolin' myself into believing I'd get her back so easily. Truthfully, I wanted more than just sexual relaxation with Bella, but I knew that she was skittish, so I was willing to go with the flow.

"I'm just a dumbass," I muttered, heading down to face the Inquisition.

**~~WIB~~**

Carlisle and Esme were a lot older than I remembered. His light blond hair had mostly gone to gray. My mom's auburn was still dominate, but she had quite a few grays herself. They both had more lines around their eyes.

"The prodigal son returns," my dad quipped, giving me a big hug.

Mama was next, but she chose to just shake my hand. "Edward."

I led them into the house and introduced them to everyone. As usual, mama was cold towards Bella. My gal was used to it and didn't seem that bothered. However, Esme did like Tanya a lot, even calling her classically beautiful.

Tanya smiled. "Thank you, Mrs. Cullen. Felix and I are expecting. As you can see, I'm hoping the child takes after me in the looks department." Felix pretended to be offended.

My mom's face fell. Esme had always wanted me to date women like Tanya. She looked down her nose at the Bellas of the world. In her eyes, my gal was trailer trash and not good enough for a Cullen son. I didn't understand the logic, because it wasn't like we were wealthy or anything special.

"I'll just go get Bethany," Bella mumbled, walking away.

The room's atmosphere changed when my lil' darlin' entered. She'd changed into a yellow skirt and white tank with a cardigan. Half of her hair was put up in a ponytail, held in place by butterfly clips while the rest hung down her back. She preened happily, glad to have new admirers.

"Bethany," Bella began, "this is your Papa Carlisle and your Nana Esme. They're Edward's parents."

Mama got down on her knees and held her arms out. "Come here, child. Let me look at you."

Bethany got the okay from Bella before walking over and hugging mama. "It's nice to meet you."

My dad crouched, wrapping his arms around them both. "The pleasure is all ours. You have some cousins that are gonna be really happy to meet ya'." I was glad to hear that my brothers didn't plan to punish my baby girl for my absence.

After a few minutes of pleasantries, Tanya and Felix offered to take Bethany out to feed the ponies, so that me and Bella could talk to my parents. My angel hugged everyone before leaving and promised Bella that she would try to keep her dress clean.

"She'd so beautiful, Edward," mama sighed wistfully, watching Bethany leave.

I winked at my gal. "Like her mother. I didn't have anything other than genetics to do with that lil' beauty."

Pa turned to Bella. "Why didn't you come to us? We woulda helped you pay bills and stuff."

"I didn't want you to take her away from me. It was hard those first few months. Renee and I lived in a two bedroom in the city. Insurance, rent, and hospital bills took most of the money we made working. I knew that if you tried, the courts would give you custody," Bella sobbed, wiping her nose with a tissue.

"You're damn right they would," Mama thundered. "You think they'd let two _whores_ raise a child."

I got mad. "Don't talk to Bella like that. She's been through a lot, and as you just saw, Bethany is a perfectly normal and happy lil' girl."

Mama scoffed. "You always did take up for her. Are you still dumb, boy? Ya' know she planned it all. We always knew you'd be a big star and that harlot trapped you!"

Bella eyes darkened. "I didn't _plan_ anything. It takes two people to make a baby, in case you didn't know. I loved Ed, and I only had his best interests at heart."

Pa and I each grabbed our woman and took them to a corner to cool off for a minute. My gal was so angry that she could only use grunts and pointing to communicate. I let her pace it out, keeping an eye on Pa to make sure he was okay.

"Why do you hate me so much?" Bella asked, glaring at mama.

"It's your fault my Edward left. First your mama worms her way into Calisle's pants, and then you slut around town and hurt my boy's heart. I saw you riding around with that little juvenile delinquent after Edward left. You ended up just like Renee," Mama accused harshly.

I collapsed onto the nearest couch and began rubbing the bridge of my nose. "Wait. Pa, you slept with Bella's mom?"

Carlisle sat next to me. "I'm sorry, son. It was after your mom miscarried. We were having problems, and I just... I messed up."

The year I turned fifteen, Esme got pregnant. The doctor's weren't sure she could carry it to term, but she hoped it was the little girl she'd always wanted. Pa was never really on board with it. The farm was having money problems back then, and they didn't need another mouth to feed.

After the miscarriage, mama became distant. The house wasn't the same. I started spending a lot of time at Bella's trailer. She was the only person I could talk to about everything. My brothers were too close to the issue, so they weren't a lot of help. I leaned hard on Bella during that crisis.

Mama scowled at Pa. "Is that what you call it? Sleeping with the town whore while your wife is at home falling into depression is a 'mess up'. Good to know."

Ignoring them, I turned to my sweet gal. "Did you know?"

She nodded. "I saw him in the trailer one morning. He knocked over the garbage can and that woke me up. He begged me not to tell. You and your brothers were the only folks that didn't treat me like dirt, so I promised that I'd keep the secret. I'm sorry, Ed."

I reached out for her hand, needin' that comfort. "None of this is your fault."

Pa sighed. "I'm sorry, too, to both of you."

We talked for another half hour about Bethany's health issues and upcoming surgery. My parents promised to be there every step of the way. We also caught up on each others lives. It turned out that my mom and dad were legally separated, but they still lived in the same house. I didn't know how to feel about that revelation. If it wasn't for Bella's hand in mine, I would have probably been chain smoking, rules be damned.

By the time Bethany and the others returned, we were at least being cordial. Mama's and Bella's relationship was still volatile, but they'd agreed to work on it for Bethany's sake. Pa just seemed defeated. I got the feeling he'd been though a lot the years I'd been away.

Liam had been by earlier to prepare a stir fry dinner, so after washing up, we all congregated in the dining room. Mama marveled over the decor and size of the house while Pa made jokes with Bethany. Felix and Tanya opted to go out for dinner to give us some privacy.

"I love green beans," Bethany announced, climbing up into my lap.

My gal smiled. "They're good for you too. I'm glad that Liam uses fresh ingredients. We need vitamins to soak up the oil from that fast food we had earlier."

During dinner, my lil' darlin' regaled us with stories about her friends, her ponies, and anything else that came to mind. My parents were utterly smitten with her. Between her talking, I managed to get some food into her mouth. She was really a lil' social butterfly.

"Do you know I might go to heaven soon?" she asked abruptly, like it was the most natural thing in the world.

Mama dropped her fork, fighting back tears. "No, baby, you're gonna be with us a long time. We just got you, and we're not letting go anytime soon."

When I looked over, I saw that Bella was gone. I excused myself, letting Bethany have the seat before going to find my gal. She was in the kitchen, bent over and clutching her stomach. Instinctively, I wrapped my arms around her body.

"I can't live without her. What if she dies on that table? My baby, my poor baby," she whimpered, clutching my shirt.

We sat on the floor against the counter and had a good cry. I apologized again and again, trying to soothe Bella. She held on to me like she was afraid I'd disappear, and maybe she was—I didn't have the best track record.

**~~WIB~~**

The day must have been really exhausting, because Bella took me up on my offer for them to spend the night. My parents left out after watching a movie with Bethany and getting Bella's home address. They were planning to drive up again in a few days. Pa promised that he'd work on my brothers.

Felix and Tanya decided to stay in the guest cottage. They needed their own space and wanted to give me mine. I almost killed Felix when he gave me a lecture about condoms. It wasn't like Bella was letting me into her panties anytime soon.

_Oh, how I wish._

Later, I went to my room and put on some pajamas. My gal was reading to my lil' darlin', so I let them have some alone time. I was finding that it was hard to be apart from them for even a few hours. There was no way I could leave again, and that meant I would have to make some choices; a tour bus was not a place for a sick child.

I'd just finished washing my face when I heard a knock at my door. Yawning, I went to open it. On the other side stood Bella. She was only wearing a sleep set that didn't cover much of anything. The blue shorts had white sheep and the tank read, 'count em'.

I smiled broadly. "To what do I owe this honor?"

She looked around, stopping for a moment to admire a figurine on my nightstand. "I just wanted to come see if you're alright. It was a rough day."

I easily lifted her into my arms. "You," _Kiss_, "are a liar, Bella. Be honest, you want to finish what we started in that sitting room."

She turned beet red. "Let me down."

I complied, but instead of standing, she wrapped her legs around my waist. We made out heatedly, just like we did when were were teenagers. Before long, I had my fingers inside of my my gal. She sucked my earlobe into her mouth, causing my already hard dick to throb.

"Do you remember when I used to tell you that you look cute with blue balls?" I nodded, not really paying attention. "Good, because that still applies. Goodnight, Ed," she whispered, detaching her legs from my waist and walking away.

Shocked, I watched her derriere disappear from view. "What the hell just happened?" I asked, wincing as my erection throbbed painfully.

After a few minutes of cursing my gal, I went to the bathroom; grabbed a hand towel and lotion; and sat on the edge of the tub. No matter how rich or famous I became, one brown-eyed beauty always managed to own me—body and soul.

_Teeheehee. Bella is a bad girl. There is a lot to work out for these two, so the lemon may come before the forgiveness._ _What did you think about the Cullens? We'll meet the rest of the family in the next chapter. *Huggles* to everyone that reads my little stories. I'll be with the spiked eggnog._


	6. Chapter 6: The Man I Want To Be

_**A/N: **Happy Holidays to you and yours wherever you may be. Here's a little Countrymusicward to wet your whistle. Check out the chapter song and Polyvore on my **Profile** page. This chapter contains sex and other adult subject matter. Don't read if you're not old enough to handle those things. Please review and let me know what you think._

_Shout out to all my twarlings and readers. I write Twific because of you guys. I'll be updating more the next few days so keep me on Author Alert.  
_

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_**EPOV**_

I strummed on one of my Manuel Rodriguez Cutaway acoustic guitars and began creating the melody that was in my head. When I was younger, I'd always wanted one of these, but they were expensive. The more famous I got, the more instruments I was able to own. The Ranch also came with a complete home studio, which I had been frequently using at four in the morning to compose new music.

"Wow. That's beautiful, Ed." Bella interrupted, walking into the room like a siren in the mist. She was only wearing a large tee shirt; therefore, it didn't take long for my lil' cowboy to get excited.

_Down boy._

"What are you doing up?" I asked politely, hoping that my voice didn't sound squeaky.

She shrugged and sat on the edge of a leather armchair. "I can't sleep. I was wandering around the house, and I heard you playing. I'm sorry if I'm botherin' you. I can go…"

I stood up and set my guitar aside. "No! Why don't you stay and help me with the lyrics? You always did have a way with words, darlin'."

She laughed humorlessly and started bouncing her knee. "The only thing I could write is the blues. People want happy music these days—wasn't your last song something about Jack Daniels and Friday nights?"

I groaned, burying my head in my hands. "Marcus had some country wannabe write that stupid song for me." I was still pissed at him for not telling me about Bella's call. I'd missed years with my gals because of that asshole. Luckily, I'd fulfilled my contract at Marcus' label, so I had Tanya looking for a new deal.

"Put it on. I feel like dancing," Bella howled, lifting her arms over her head and wiggling her hips.

My eyes followed her every movement. Each time she twirled, the little tee she was wearing rode up her thighs showing me a glimpse of dark blue underwear. Her long, soft lashes framed her delicate face as she continued to dance to some imaginary tune.

"Where's the music, Ed?" she asked, opening her eyes.

I mumbled, "It's coming," and walked over to the sound system.

The song was what I called 'country pop', which meant that it was fun to dance to but lacked soul and feeling. Bella didn't seem to mind. As she sang along to the corny lyrics, I went to the kitchen and grabbed two shot glasses and a bottle of Jack. I definitely needed a stiff drink to calm my nerves.

_***Flashback (age 17 and a half)***_

_I'd finally talked Bella into having sex with me. For the occasion, I'd had Emmett rent us a room at a hotel in Nashville. Fortunately, Rose had an older cousin that was willing to check us in for a nice tip. It wasn't anywhere fancy, but it was still nice._

"_Remember to treat her good, use the condoms, and don't freak out if she bleeds," Jasper said, leaving me at the door of our room. He and Maria were just down the hall. _

_I nodded and shuffled inside. Bella had put our own sheets and comforters on the bed. She'd also placed scented candles around the room to make it pretty. I smiled as I set down the cheap bottle of rum I'd gotten for the night._

_A few minutes later, my darlin' came out the bathroom wearing a pretty pink nightie. She fidgeted and bit down on her lower lip while I tried not to jizz in my pants. I must have stared for too long because she walked over to the closet and put on a robe._

"_Bella, you look…"_

_She held up her hand. "I look stupid."_

_I beckoned her to me, laughing when she chose to sit in my lap. "You're beautiful. Why don't we open the bottle? You are a little pale."_

_Bella took some Coca Cola out of the mini fridge and added ice to our cups. I liberally poured the rum and used the straws to mix the drinks. Pretty soon, we were sitting on the couch and getting wasted._

"_How many people do you think fucked in this room?" she asked, hiccup ping. _

_I laughed so hard that I spilled half of my drink on my jeans. "Lots. Hey, I need to go change. Wait here."_

"_Where else am I gonna go, Ed?" she giggled._

_The bathroom smelled like Bella's girly stuff. I was more than a little drunk, so it took a while to get my pants off. Then, I climbed in the shower and scrubbed myself raw before putting on a new pair of green plaid boxers. My hair never cooperated, so I left it damp and sticking up all over the place._

_When I got back to the bedroom, Bella was standing in front of the mirror. She'd lowered one of he straps, leaving her breast completely bare. "Do you think I have weird nipples?" she asked, turning around._

_I gulped down another rum and coke. "Outside of pornos and our spying, I haven't seen many other nipples, but yours are my favorite. I like how pink and perky they are when I suck on 'em."_

_Smiling, my gal led me over to the bed. We both laid down and stared up at the ceiling. Now that it was really happening, we were nervous as hell. I wanted it to be good for Bella, but I was an average teenage horndog. _

"_You can touch me, you know," she whispered, glancing over at me._

_I turned to the side and began palming her breast. She whimpered and pulled me close. Before long, we were both naked and wanting. Bella's body was amazing. She had hips made for lovin' and her long, smooth legs fit perfectly around my hips. _

_My gal looked up at me as I put on the condom and pushed the tip inside. "Does that hurt?"_

_She shook her head. "No, push it in all at once. I'm ready, Ed."_

_With beads of sweat forming on my forehead, I broke through her hymen. Bella cried out and dug her nails in my lower back. Once I was inside, there was no peace for me. Jerkily, I thrust and pounded until I felt the pressure build in my balls. Bella was encouraging me to keep going, but the explosion came anyway._

_I used a Kleenex to take off the condom, threw it in the trash, and rolled to the side. "Sorry, sweet gal. Are you okay?" I asked cautiously._

"_Um, it was like getting a shot-first there was a prick, then some pain, and after that it was over really fast. I still feel a little tingly down there."_

_I sighed loudly. "I'm sorry. I tried to make it last, but you felt so damn good. It's indescribable, Bella. I'm so glad I waited for you."_

_She took my hand and placed it over her clitoris. "Rub it and make me feel good, Ed."_

_I ate my gal out and fingered her until she begged me to put it inside of her again. This time, I had more control and was able to give her pleasure. The noises she made drove me insane. After awhile, she went to sleep in my arms as I stared down at her beautiful face._

"_I love you, Bella Swan."_

_**~~WIB~~**_

"It took you long enough to get back," Bella whined, taking the glasses from my hands.

I sat down next to her and poured us each a shot. "Do you ever…think about the first time we made love?"

My gal downed her glass and poured another. "We never made love, Ed."

I pulled my fingers aggressively through my hair. "What do you call it then?"

She shrugged and reached for the bottle. "We were young and horny, so we had sex. I thought it was a big deal back then. Let's not talk about this right now."

"It was more than that and you know it," I barked, standing up.

"Ed, it was a long time ago…"

Snarling, I snatched the glass out of her hand. "It wasn't so long ago that you forgot what it feels like when I'm inside of you. You wanna do it again; I can see it in your eyes, but you hold yourself back. Worrying about Bethany's health has made you a nervous wreck. I need you, too. Why can't we help each other?"

Bella frowned and took off her shirt. "What the hell. Know that this is just sex. We can have the same arrangement I had with the other guys, which means no personal bullshit. Don't give me love words or promises of forever, Ed. I can't fall for you again."

It hurt to hear that she planned to treat me like the other guys she fucked. I wanted to be more than that to Bella, but I didn't have any leverage. It was already a miracle she'd given up her other lays and was willing to sleep with me.

I pulled off my Wranglers and kicked them to the side while Bella discarded her panties. She was perfectly groomed and already a little wet for me. I stared and gave my lil' cowboy a stroke as I walked over to the couch.

"Uh-uh. You have to wear a condom," Bella demanded, pointing at my erection.

"There's some in my guitar case. I'm not really in a position to walk, so please grab them."

She snorted and went to get the Trojans. "You keep condoms in your guitar case. I guess it comes in handy when you invite the groupies home. What do you do, Ed, play them a song before you fuck 'em?"

I hunched over and looked down at the floor. "I used to. Hey, I'm not proud of the life I've been leadin'. Give me a chance to show you that I've changed."

My gal ripped open the foil packet with her teeth and got down on her knees. I felt her hot mouth engulf me before she slid the condom on with her tongue. It was a trick she'd perfected right before I left Springfield.

"Damn," I hissed, holding her head in place. She pumped my dick and licked my balls before standing up.

"Lean back," she instructed, lowering her wetness down on me. It was even better than I remembered.

"Jesus, Bella," I cried out as she began riding me.

"Don't blaspheme."

My gal kept her back arched and began to draw a circle with her hips. I opened my mouth and began suckling on one of her bouncing breasts before feasting on the other. None of my sexual escapades on the road had been anywhere near this thrilling. I was a damn fool to think that I would ever get over Bella.

"Slow down," I begged, using my hands to guide her hips.

She moaned and leaned forward. "Kiss me."

I practically stuck my tongue down Bella's throat. She gasped for air while I explored every crevice of her mouth. We both tasted like Jack Daniels, which turned me on even more. My gal made this sexy little sound that seemed to make my erection swell.

When I was close, she stopped moving and disconnected us. "What are you doin'? I was almost there."

She smiled and stood up. Then, she bent over, looked back at me, and began lightly slapping her lush derriere. As she swayed, she started opening her legs wider so that I could see everything. Pretty soon, she was smacking her bottom hard and mewling loudly.

I grabbed her harshly and shoved her down on the plush carpet. "If you want to act like a bad girl, I'm gonna treat you like a bad girl."

She let me position her on her knees so that her head was flat on the floor, which left her round derriere in the perfect position for my dick. I slid in slowly, enjoying the new angle. Bella was still very tight and wet.

"Hard," she commanded, reaching under to finger her clitoris.

I rutted, pounded, slapped, and grunted like a stuck pig until we were both covered with sweat. My gal had come at least twice almost bringing me with her, but I was determined to make this one of the best orgasms of my life. Unfortunately, Bella had other ideas. She screamed loudly as her center held my lil' cowboy in its clutches, milking him dry.

"Yes! Yes! That's my sweet gal," I shouted, cresting on the highest wave. I ended up having a rare male double orgasm.

"Sweet Jesus," Bella whispered, as I collapsed beside her.

I chuckled and kissed the back of her hand. "Look who's blaspheming now. I would take you to church to repent, but we did just spend a lot of time on our knees."

My gal sat up. "What am I doing? I knew… I'm so stupid."

"Hey, what's wrong?"

She wiped away stray tears and stood up, naked as they day she was born. "I can't do this with you again, Ed. It brings back memories that are better left forgotten."

I sighed. "So that's it? You wanna just pretend that the years we had together never happened—that what we just did never happened."

"I don't know! I just don't want to be hurt again when I see you with another woman. I've got no claim on you, but I get jealous when I think of you doing that with someone else," she confessed sadly.

"Bella, I'm not going to be…"

"I need to go check on Bethany," she interrupted, pulling the tee shirt over her head. Then, she practically ran from the studio.

Grumbling under my breath, I walked to the bathroom next door and cleaned up. A part of me wanted to save the condom, but that was gross so I tossed it in the wastebasket. After that, I took a quick shower and put on my robe. I was no longer in the mood to write music, so I headed up to my bedroom.

On the way, I stopped at Bethany's door. It was slightly ajar. Bella was curled up in bed next to our baby girl, stroking her cheek. I watched them for a few minutes while my gal sobbed softly. Our daughter was the most important thing in both our lives, and she might be livin' her last days.

"Is she okay?" I whispered, startling Bella.

She wiped her eyes and nodded. "She's fine, but I have to check and make sure she's still breathing. I've been doing it since she was a baby."

I walked into the room and sat on the edge of the bed. Bethany's eyes fluttered open. "Good morning, Daddy."

I kissed her forehead. "Good morning, Princess. I'm afraid it's a little too early for me. I haven't been to sleep yet."

Bethany looked over at Bella. "Did you go to sleep yet, Mommy?"

My gal shook her head. "I couldn't sleep."

Our little angel smiled as she looked between us. "Did you keep each other company?"

Bella blushed scarlet and looked at me. "Um, we, um…"

"Your mama helped me write a song," I finished, winking at my sweet gal.

Since it was only a little past six on a Saturday, Bethany decided that she wasn't ready to get out of bed. We got her a bowl of cereal, put on one of her favorite cartoons, and left the bedroom. She waved as us happily as we departed.

When we got to my door, I invited Bella inside. She sat on the edge of the bed. "I'm sorry that I ran away from you again, but I'm not good with this type of stuff anymore. I'm trying to remember that you're not the same Ed I loved when I was a girl but sometimes…"

I started pacing. "I'm still the same person, but I'm also trying to be a better man."

She got up and walked towards the door. "I do remember, you know? I remember that you were clumsy but gentle. Your breath smelled like peppermint. Most of all, I remember how much I loved you the night I gave you my virginity. Goodnight, Ed."

"Goodnight, Bella."

_**~~WIB~~**_

"I'm so glad you're here," Mama cried, inviting us into my old country home.

The farm was smaller than I remembered, but the smells were all the same. I'd shown Bethany the chicken coop and cows before we got to the front door. She loved to hear me tell stories about growing up here. Bella had been strangely quiet since we had sex.

"You still have a lovely home," Bella complimented, looking around at all the antiques. She'd rarely been invited inside when we were younger.

"Thank you," Mama replied coldly.

I wrapped my arm around Bella's shoulder. "Ignore her. You're with me."

Pa was in the living room talking to someone when we strolled inside. I barely had a chance to look up before my brother, Emmett, began stalking over to me. From the way his nostrils flared, I knew that I was about to get one of his infamous punches to the face.

"Leave my daddy alone," Bethany yelled, coming to stand in front of me.

Surprised, Emmett stopped. "Oh my god! Mama was right—you look just like him."

My lil' darlin' held out her hand. "I'm Bethany Grace Anne Swan. I think you're my Uncle Em. Mommy said you were big."

He got down on his knees and introduced himself. "It's nice to meet you, Bethany. This is my wife Rose and our daughter Heidi," he concluded, waving them over.

Both Rose and Emmett looked older and harder than I'd thought they would be. Their little girl was a mixture of both. She had Emmett's curls but they were light blonde. Her eyes were dark, like a stormy sea. Overall, she was a cute lil' thang.

"Is that a Hello Kitty purse?" she asked suspiciously, pointing at Bethany's shoulder.

My angel nodded. "Daddy got it for me. Do you want to see what's inside?"

The little girls tinkling laughter eased the tension in the room. Mama brought out some cookies and milk as we all took a seat. The girls were put in the playroom next door so that we could have a grown up conversation. They left after kissing and hugging everyone in the room. I was happy that Bethany got along well with her cousin.

Soon after, Bella explained to everyone about Bethany's illness and why she didn't seek them out sooner. Emmett looked hurt. He'd always been kind of protective of Bella, and she hadn't even trusted him with her secret.

Rose laid her hand over Bella's. "I'm so sorry to hear that you almost died giving birth. I had five miscarriages before Heidi came along." That explained why she and Emmett looked so worn.

"Where's Jasper? Did he marry Maria?" I asked abruptly.

Mama looked stricken. "Ed, your brother went through a hard time after you left. Maria began using drugs. Your brother worked hard, but he couldn't keep up with the demand. Pretty soon, he was dealing drugs and getting in debt to feed her addiction. She…she died. Jasper joined the military to cope, but it made him worse. He came back from Iraq with PTSD."

My gal reached over and took my hand. I didn't deserve her support, but I needed it. "Where is he now? Can I see him?"

"I asked him to come, but he refused. He lives out on County Road in the Perkin's ol' rundown cabin with Alice Brandon. They ain't married, but they have two youngins together. We don't get to see them nearly enough," Pa lamented.

My mind struggled with what I'd just heard. "I messed up big time. I should have been here for him. It's all my fault. It's all my fault."

Bella wrapped her tiny arms around me as I sobbed, before turning to Mama. "When did Alice move back to Springfield? I cried something awful the year she moved away when we were eight. She and I used to play dolls."

It was Rose that answered. "About six years ago. I don't know what exactly happened, but Alice is different. Her hair was cut almost as short as Jasper's when she showed up. She has an eight year old son by someone else, and there ain't no life in her eyes. I think Jasper hooked up with her because they are both in a lot of pain."

Bella began crying. "My poor Alice. I asked mama for her address so that I could write, but no one knew where they moved to. Her daddy was always so mean."

I stood up and walked to the door. "Come on, Pa, Emmett. If Jasper won't come here, we're going to get him. I'm not having my first Sunday dinner back home without all my family present. I'll drag him out if I have to."

Emmett rolled his eyes. "Don't pretend you still know us, Edward. You're some hotshot country music star now. We've been here struggling and surviving while you lived out your dreams. You never even bothered to drop us a line to let us know how you were doing. You left poor Bella pregnant and alone…"

Mama, Rose, and Bella shouted, "That's enough," in unison.

I got in Em's face. "You can hate me all you want, but it's never gonna be nothin' compared to how much I hate myself. I made a huge mistake. If I could go back and erase these seven years gone, then I would. All I can do is try to make things right. Please, come with me. I've missed you, big brother."

He looked at Pa before nodding. "I ain't doin' it for you, though. Jasper needs to stop being stubborn. Those poor kids got two ghosts for parents. Rose and I take them as much as we can, but I think they get scared their parents will leave, or worse yet, off themselves when they ain't in the house."

Before we left, I crouched down next to Bella. "Will you be okay, or do you want to come along?"

She looked at Mama's frown, and then Rose's bright smile. "I'm fine, Ed. Bring them all back here. Tell Alice that I still love her and want to meet her kids. Use Bethany's illness to guilt them if you must."

I smiled and kissed her cheek. "You always were a smart woman. We'll be back soon."

When we got outside, Emmett started for his truck, but I pulled him back. "Let's take my car."

He and Pa surveyed the tricked-out 2012 Chevy Avalanche appreciatively. Trucks and SUV's were just a few of my obsessions. Material things meant little to me now, but I'd seen how proud Pa looked when he saw the Ranch and my cars.

"I sure wish I could sing," Emmett said, climbing into the back.

I laughed. "You and Jasper were always tone deaf."

Pa chuckled loudly. "Your mama has the sweetest voice. You got your gift from her, boy. She's the lead in the choir now."

As we hit the open road, I turned on my Ipod. Appropriately Chris Young's _The Man I Want to Be _blared from the speakers.

Pa started to sing off key. "_God I'm down here on my knees. Cause it's the last place left to fall. Beggin' for another chance. If there's any chance at all. That you might still be listenin'. Lovin' and forgivin' guys like me_"

Emmett and I hooted, joining in on the chorus. "_I've spent my whole life gettin' it all wrong. And I sure could use your help just from now on. I wanna be a good man. A do like I should man. I wanna be the kind of man the mirror likes to see. I wanna be a strong man. And admit that I was wrong man. God I'm askin' you to come change me. Into the man I wanna be."_

It was great bonding with my dad and brother again. All we needed was Jasper for it to be like old times. We used to goof off, play instruments, and sing while doing our chores. Pa wasn't able to sing well, but he played a mean banjo. I now realized that those had been some of the happiest times of my pathetic life.

Almost half an hour later, we arrived at Jasper's cabin. It was worse than I'd expected. The only color was a decrepit blue pickup truck in the dirt driveway. I saw no bikes, toys, or signs of children. The windows were boarded up and as dusty as the rest of the place.

"Dear God," I whispered, pulling in behind the truck.

Pa shook his head sadly. "The inside ain't much better. Your ma and I do what we can, but he's always threatenin' to pack up and leave if we interfere too much. Jasper still has military friends that could help them disappear. I don't want to lose my grandbabies."

Emmett led our little congregation and knocked on the door. A small, dark-haired woman, that sorta resembled the Alice I knew, answered the door. She looked about ten years older than Bella, though I knew her to be a year younger.

"Whadda ya' want? Jasper ain't in a good mood." Her haunted blue eyes widened when she saw me.

"We come to pick ya'll up for dinner. It's a pleasure to see you again, Alice. Bella is at the house. She sends her love," I offered, hoping for sympathy.

"Bella," Alice whispered wistfully.

"Who is at the door, Al? Why are you standin' there letting all the air out of the house? You begged for this goddamned indoor air conditioning, and you know it's expensive," Jasper shouted, coming towards us.

My knees almost buckled when I saw my bother. When we were younger, he'd reminded me of sunshine. His bright yellow hair and big blue eyes instantly made people happy. He had his bad moods, but nothing much got Jasper Cullen down back in those days.

The man standing before me was gaunt, his jeans barely hanging on his hips. He must have grown his hair out, because the dirty blonde mass was limp and fell past his shoulders. The eyes that used to sparkle with mischief and happiness were dull and lifeless. He also had scars all over the lower part of his face and arms.

"Jasper?" I asked, not wanting to believe this…creature before me was my brother.

"Well, well, well, look what the cat dragged in. I didn't think we'd ever see hide nor hair of 'ya again, Edward. You come to slum it with your old family? I think I got a can of baked beans we can share," he hissed, glaring angrily at me.

"Don't be like that, Jas," Alice pleaded, sniffling softly. "Bella is here. I want to see her."

Jasper waved his hand dismissively. "Grab the youngins and go. I don't want to set foot in that house ever again." Then, he disappeared into another room.

"Jasper," I called, "I have a daughter with Bella. I didn't know until about a month and a half ago. Her name is Bethany. She's very sick and about to have major heart surgery. I want her to meet all her family in case…in case she don't make it. Please."

Pa sighed. "I know you're angry, son, but don't take it out on that little gal."

Thankfully, Jasper agreed to come. While he got dressed, Alice introduced me to her oldest son Paul. "He ain't Jasper's," she whispered regretfully. Paul looked suspicious and angry when I tried to shake his hand. He was tall for his age and gangly to boot with straight auburn hair and gray eyes. I knew that there was a story there, but we'd have to wait until later.

The kids that were from my brother's loins were introduced to me as Lucy and Seth. Lucy looked just like Jasper when he was younger but she was small-boned like Alice. Seth was tall and reedy like his father, and he had very expressive dark eyes that made me want to cry. Whatever these kids had gone through, it had made them older. Lucy was four, Seth was five, and Paul was eight; but they all had the same haunted eyes as Alice and Jasper.

We arrived back at the house a little before six. Jasper had insisted on taking his old beater, but he let the kids ride with me. They had barely moved or spoken the entire drive. Emmett assured me that they were always that quiet.

Bella came out from the house and ran into Alice's arms. I smiled watching them and remembering the little girls that used to play in the dirt together. It had been so many years, but I could still see that they had a fondness for each other.

Pa patted me on the back. "Let's go inside, son. The whole family is here, and we have a lot to talk about. The years ain't been easy on none of us. Now that we're united again, I think that we can all start to heal."

I followed him into the house. "I hope so, Pa. I really hope so."

* * *

_Were Jasper and Alice anything like you expected?_ _Countrymusicward has learned that his departure hurt everyone he loved. He can't make up for those years, but he can show them that he's changed. What about the sex? Too soon? I know some of you don't like the country speak, but these are Southern folk. I'm a transplant, but I love it. Click the green button and leave me your thoughts. *Huggles* I'm still with the spiked eggnog. Review and you can have some too :D_


	7. Chapter 7: The Trouble with Girls

_**A/N: **The song is on my Profile page, just copy and paste. There is angst and stuff in this chapter. Thanks for being patient and waiting for the update. Remember these are country folks and they talk like it. Bella uses sex to cope because it's easier for her to do that than deal sometimes. This is a journey and I never write perfect characters. Stick with me.  
_

_Shout out to **EBM** and all my twarlings who asked about our country boy.**  
**_

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_**EPOV**_

All the years traveling around the world and eating exotic foods had nothing on mama's Sunday dinners. I vaguely listened to something Pa was saying as I mixed my collards and corn bread. It wasn't no use in trying to be polite when there was a Southern spread on the table. Finger lickin' good meant eat with your damn fingers.

When I finally looked up, I saw that my gal wasn't eating. She just pushed things around and squirmed in her chair. That didn't sit right with me because there was fried catfish and hot sauce on the table—two things Bella Swan loved.

"I don't feel well. Can I use your restroom?" she asked, looking at mama.

Esme nodded flippantly. "I'm sure you remember where it is."

I gave it five minutes before making my excuses and going upstairs. I check the bathroom but it was empty. I kept walking and calling Bella's name until I eventually found her in my old room staring out the window. Mama hadn't changed a thing since I left.

"The few times I did get to sleep over, I used to get up and look out this window. The farm always looked so nice in the moonlight."

I walked over and stood next to her, watching as the sun began to set. "Yeah, I guess I was too complacent to really enjoy it."

It was quiet for a long time, and then she turned to me and whispered. "I don't belong here. I never did."

"Bella…"

"No, Ed, I'm just a poor girl from the trailer park. No matter what I do in life, that's what I'll always be. Bethany, she has the chance to be anything and everything. I want the best for her. I don't want people to look at her the way they've looked at me my whole goddamn life."

I grabbed her arm. "That ain't true! You're so much more than your past. I always thought you were special."

She laughed. "Special enough for you to pop my cherry and ditch me in backwater Tennessee while you went and explored the world."

"I've already told you…"

"Forget it," she interrupted. "Go sit over there." The old blue plaid loveseat she pointed to had been a gift on my fifteenth birthday. It was still one of the most comfortable pieces of furniture I'd ever sat on.

I sighed and sat down. "We should get back downstairs. You need to eat and the food's getting cold."

Bella stood in front of me, lifted her little white dress, and took off her yellow thong. "I just… I need it to get through the rest of dinner. It won't take long."

I stared like an idiot as she unbuttoned my shorts and freed my member. "You're not thinking straight, darlin'. Let's go back downstairs."

She shook her head. "If it ain't you, I'll just call someone else."

I hissed as we connected. She felt so damn good that I forgot why the hell I was arguing against this in the first place. Soon, I put my hands on her bouncing boobies as she rode me. We didn't speak, just kinda panted and whimpered.

I tried to pull Bella down for a kiss but she leaned back away from me. "Don't," she pleaded, looking at me with those desperate eyes.

I came before she did but had the presence of mind to use my fingers to get her off. She spasmed and went crazy on me. I wrapped both arms around her back and held on tightly until she calmed down. We were both sweaty and the room smelled like sex.

Bella pulled me out of her and stood up. "Thanks." That was all I got for a job well done.

She went into the bathroom and washed while I cleaned up. Thankfully, I found some floral scented spray in a hall closet and the open window would do the rest. It wasn't like I was ashamed of Bella or anything, but this was my parents home.

By the time I cleaned up and got downstairs, some of the family was eating dessert. Mama had already warmed my plate again. I noticed that she kept looking at me and Bella and shaking her head. It didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out what happened upstairs.

I noticed that Alice and Bella were deep in conversation. Whatever they were discussing must have been heavy because Alice's hands were in Bella's and my gal kept squeezing them. I wanted to know why and how things had gotten so bad for her. Alice had always been cheerful despite her horrible home life.

"So, Jasper, my offer is still open to patch up that roof of yours," Emmett said, trying to make conversation.

Jasper looked up from his mostly uneaten food. "I don't need your charity. I can take care of my family by myself."

Emmett started to argue but Rose touched his arm. Apparently, this wasn't the first time they'd had this conversation. Jasper obviously needed help, but he didn't want it. I was just gonna have to make him take my generosity.

The kids were eating in the parlor room where ma had set up a table so that they could watch television while they ate. My little darlin' ran into the room followed closely by her cousin Heidi. She looked scared.

"Daddy, he threw his plate at the wall. I tried to stop him!"

Heidi nodded. "Bethany just asked him why he wasn't eating and he got so mad."

"Who?" I asked while setting my glass aside..

Alice wiped a tear from her eye. "Paul. He gets upset easily. I'll go get him."

"You tell him he's on chores for the rest of the week. Ain't no reason to be upsetting these little gals," Jasper yelled, standing up.

Alice's eyes snapped to him. "It's none of your goddamn concern! He's my responsibility."

"I know that! I'm still his daddy and he needs discipline."

"_Discipline_ is the reason he's like that. Sit down and eat your food. I don't need any help," Alice screamed, stalking out of the dining room. The girls went with her.

Ma rubbed her head. "I just wanted one nice Sunday dinner. It's not enough that I have to entertain that slut," she pointed at Bella, "I also have to watch my children and grandchildren behave like animals."

"There ya go makin' yourself the victim again, Es. You ain't never the one at fault," Papa muttered loud enough that we all heard him.

"I'm not a slut," Bella snarled.

Ma laughed. "You think we don't all know you led Edward upstairs so that he could get under that cheap dress you're wearing. Once a slut, always a slut. If it wasn't for Bethany, I wouldn't even let you through the door!"

I stood up and threw my napkin down. "Let's go. I've had enough."

Bella looked at everyone except ma and me. "Emmett, Rose, Jasper, Carlisle if you guys want to come to my house on Tuesday, we can sit and have a good dinner. My place ain't grand but you're all welcomed. I'm gonna go say goodbye to Alice and get Bethany ready to leave."

"You were out of line, Mama," Rose said as Bella retreated.

Emmett nodded. "You always run people off with your mouth. I'm not coming back here until you change!"

Bella and I said goodbye to everyone and agreed to have another dinner and a barbecue at my Ranch later in the week. Heidi and Bethany hugged like they'd never see each other again. Lucy was shyer and just watched from the sidelines, but my lil darlin' gave her a ring pop to make her smile.

Alice had gotten Paul under control. He just glared at everyone and stood next to Jasper. If I didn't know better, I would have thought Peter was my brother's biological kid. They both had eyes that looked like they'd seen too much hurt and pain.

"When I said dinner, that means you too Jasper! I told Alice to make you come if you don't want to," Bella said, giving my brother a one-armed hug.

"I'll be there."

My gal insisted that I drop them at her house. She didn't want to spend the night at the Ranch again. I fully intended on staying over but she said Jake was coming and she needed a night away from me. Bethany pouted but was too tired to really argue. I kissed them goodbye at the door and drove away with my heart in my throat.

_**~~WIB~~**_

"We've got Edward Cullen in the house. He's agreed to do a song later, so show him some love!" The DJ shouted as bodies gyrated on the dance floor.

Since Bella hadn't wanted to see me or discuss anything, I came out with Felix to get shitfaced. I was drinking Jack Daniels by the bottle while he redirected groupies. The pain in my chest wouldn't go away by having meaningless sex, but the Jack made it all easier to bear.

"She just wants to s…sleep with me. It's good but I need more," I slurred, taking another swig.

Felix looked hesitant. "Tanya told me to make sure you don't do something stupid. I'm switching you to water."

I gave him the middle digit. "Don't do that! When did you turn into a wuss? What Tanya don't hurt can't know her."

He wrestled the bottle from my arms and went to get that nasty water he wanted to make me drink. While he was gone, two chicks with racks that belonged in porn came up to me. They flirted and played with my hair while taking pictures with their phones.

The blonde one got a shot of Jack and put the glass between her breasts. "Will you drink it and let my friend Carmen get a picture?" The brunette smiled at me and pouted.

"Sure, I'll do anything for JD," I said, leaning forward.

People cheered and catcalled as I did more shots and got on the floor to dance. Before long, I was on stage singing a Scott McCreery song about girls. Even though I was out of it, I still managed to strum the guitar they'd handed me and wiggle my hips across the stage.

The two women danced and pressed their hips against my crotch as I began singing one of my original songs. I was feeling no pain. Why should I spend every night inside pining over Bella when there were good times to be had? I'd worked damn hard to become famous, so I might as well enjoy it.

Some frat boys with big cameras took a lot of pictures and began making calls. Soon after they showed up, Felix dragged me off the stage and put me in a taxi. He yelled all the way home but I was too damn tired to listen.

I woke up the next day to an angry Tanya standing over my bed. "You bloody idiot! Do you know what you've done?" she asked, throwing some printouts on my chest.

I groaned and sat up. There were multiple pages of me and the girls from last night from gossip sites. The stories ranged from 'Country Star, Edward Cullen whoring it up in the States' to 'Drunk Country Music Star participates in late night orgy'.

"What the hell?"

Tanya sighed. "This is what happens when you act like an utter dick! I told Felix to get you home before you made a fool of yourself. I should have known."

"Oh god! Has Bella seen this?"

"How would I know? I've been on the phone doing damage control, you git! You're a newly famous country star. We were trying to change your image to more romantic and family oriented. You've just undid all my hard work."

I let her yell at me a little more before crawling to the bathroom. I looked like I'd just spent the night in a gutter and I felt even worse. It took a hot shower and three Advil to make me somewhat human. I needed to fix this and fast.

Unfortunately, Bella didn't answer or reply to any of my text messages. I remembered her saying she read stories about me on the internet, so I was pretty sure that she'd seen last night's fuck up. I suddenly really hated Jack.

"Don't even look my way," Felix said as we passed each other in the kitchen. "Tanya is making me sleep on the couch for the rest of the week."

"Sorry."

Tanya arranged for me to do some family friendly media and an appearance on the local news to discuss the hospital charity. I acted like a good little puppet and didn't whine too much. I'd made a big mess and now it was time for clean up.

A little after five, we arrived at Bella's house. Her driveway was full of cars and I recognized Jasper's old truck parked on the street. Luckily, Tanya had found out what Bella was making so we stopped by and picked up the appropriate wine. Felix was sucking up like a little bitch, even using cutesy baby names and rubbing Tanya's belly.

"Daddy!" Bethany screamed, launching herself at me the minute I came through the door.

I bent down and picked her up. "Hey, lil' gal. Did you miss me."

She nodded. "Uncle Emmie let us ride on his back and Aunt Rosie showed us how to make balloon animals. I made you a wiener dog." All this was said without taking a breath.

I carried her into the living room where Jake and Emmett were busy arguing over a game. They said hello while looking at me like I was about to face death row. I knew then that Bella had heard about the tabloid news.

"Let's go find your mama," I said, kissing Bethany's rosy cheeks.

Bella was in the kitchen surrounded by all the women, including Renee. I was glad to be holding my sweet angel because she was the only thing keeping my balls safe judging from the glares. I put on a sunny smile and walked into the lion's den.

"Bella, can I speak to you a minute in private?"

She kept stirring whatever she was making in the large pot. "I'm busy right now."

Rose rolled her eyes and mumbled, "Stupid head." Alice just looked pained. Renee completely ignored me. Tanya smirked. My baby girl sucked her thumb. Sighing, I left before it got worse. Pa always said sometimes it was best to let women cool off before confronting them.

After dropping Bethany off at the screened in porch and saying hi to the other kids, I went back into the living room. Jasper handed me a beer and asked me if I wanted to sit in the backyard with him. I'd never been much into sports like Emmett, so I agreed to Jasper's offer.

"You done messed up bad, little brother."

I tipped my Budweiser back and swallowed. "Don't I know it. I'll be a lucky son of a bitch if they don't poison my food."

He laughed. "Did you just call mama a bitch?"

I shrugged. "Ain't it true? She's always treated Bella like garbage. It ain't like we the Kennedy's."

"Ed, I need to tell you something. The whole family knows and Alice has told Bella. It's something that has to be kept with just our clan. If you're really serious about coming back into the fold, I think you should know," he stated calmly.

"Shoot."

"After Alice left Springfield, her pa moved them to Mississippi. Her mom went crazy and died in a mental institution."

"Dear Lord."

He popped the top of another beer can and leaned back in the lawn chair. "Alice's daddy was deep in debt from the land he'd brought. He was too ornery and dumb to run a prosperous farm. A well to do farmer offered to buy his land for three times it's worth but he wanted something in return."

I leaned forward. "Alice?"

He nodded. "Yep, she was fourteen. That mean ol' cuss made that man her legal guardian. You can guess what happened."

"Jesus!"

My brother picked off his pull tab and twirled it around. "Well, when she turned fifteen, he got her pregnant. Alice's pa signed all the forms, and that abusive son of a whore became Alice's husband. He was Paul's daddy."

I let it all sink in as I stared at the long blades of grass. "Poor Alice. I can't even imagine such a thing."

Jasper forged ahead. "One night he'd been drinking. He always abused Alice, but this time he went for the boy. She beat him to death with a frying pan and dragged his fat carcass to the barn. The official police report says he fell asleep drunk with a kerosene lap and died when a fire sparked," he declared, looking up at me.

"Then that's what happened."

Jasper exhaled loudly. "It sure is good having you home. You always were the easiest one to talk to about serious stuff. I used to think that if you hadn't liked girls, booze, and sex so much; you mighta made a good preacher."

"Despite mama's wishes, I was never cut out for the cloth. I like sleepin' in on Sundays," I said, chuckling at the absurdity.

After a long moment of silence, Jasper began to get agitated. "I want to tell you everything about Maria, but I need time. It ain't pretty. I did things that make me ashamed of myself. I thought War would help ease my soul, but it just made things worse.

I reached over and gave him a loose hug. "When you're ready to talk, I'll be here to listen. Ain't nothin' you could have done that would make me stop lovin' you, big bro."

_**~~WIB~~**_

Seeing how cordial Pa and Renee acted around each other, it was hard to believe they ever slept together. I grimaced as I watched them pass each other a bowl of corn. Fortunately, Billy seemed to be good for Renee and she doted on him.

"This is the best smothered chicken I've had in my life," Emmett practically shouted as he ate gleefully.

Rose pouted. "Hey, you said you liked mine."

"Yeah, darlin', I say a lot of things so I don't get a kick in the crotch."

She bussed his cheek and shook her butter knife threateningly. "That only happened the one time and I was pregnant."

My gal laughed. "Thanks. It's an old recipe I got from a neighbor when I was younger."

Bethany giggled and shoved a bunch of mashed potatoes in my mouth. "You look funny with your cheeks all puffed out."

I took back my fork. "Hey, I can feed myself."

Renee had been glaring at me all night, so I wasn't surprised when she followed me to the kitchen as I went to get more ice. "We need to talk," she said before pulling the sliding door shut.

I gulped. "Ma'am."

"Bella ain't in a good place right now. I know you and her have a past. Lord knows, I was off being a selfish slut and left her alone enough... She told me some about how you helped her over the years. She was really in love with you."

I always knew she was, but I'd still left her lonely. "Yeah... I ain't proud of leavin' her. We might not ever get back to what we were, but I want her not to hate me so damn much."

Renee huffed. "So runnin' off and bangin' easy tail gonna teach my girl that you've changed?"

"Bella is the only woman I'm sleepin' with!" Word vomit was a problem when I got cornered.

"This...thing ain't good for neither of you. I am tryin' to be a good mama to my baby to make up for all the bad I've done. I'm just telling you to end it. She can't handle Bethany's problems and you confusin' her about a relationship. My girl is fragile. She almost died to bring our miracle into the world. You have no idea the pain she went through, Boy."

I felt a headache coming on so I found the cabinet where Bella kept her Tylenol and downed two. "It wasn't my intention to complicate things like this... Bella and I just naturally gravitate towards each other. I wanted to take it slow..."

Renee held up her hand. "You ain't got to tell me about physical lust. I let it rule most of my life just to forget about the one man I ever loved who broke my heart. Bella's daddy married me and gave us his last name, but then he ditched us like trash before she was even born. I hated to watch my daughter live the same nightmare, but she's a much better mama than me."

"Renee, I don't want to hurt Bella. I'm just tryin' to do my best by both my gals and make up for past mistakes. I messed up last night, but I only went out because me and Bella were on the outs. I gotta learn to face my problems without the Jack and partyin'."

She put the ice in a bucket and walked towards the door. "Hurt my girls and I'll come after you with my old huntin' rifle. You better show me you can change."

I raised my beer mug and said, "You ain't got to tell me twice."

_**~~WIB~~**_

I tossed and turned in the guest bedroom while listening to the rain. My sweet baby girl had been the one to convince her mama to let me spend the night. The other family left with full bellies and leftovers after we made plans to see each other during the week.

"Ed," Bella whispered, poking her head in the door. "Bethany can't sleep and she's swelling up. I need to do dialysis. Can you help me?"

I threw on a shirt and followed her into Bethany's room where some kind of machine was set up. I was amazed as Bella mobilized into action. She had to stick a needle in Bethany's arm and connect something. She was like a professional nurse.

"Wow," I mumbled.

Bella turned to me. "You can learn to do it. I took a class at the hospital. Bethany's kidneys started to fail because of the heart problems, and it was hard doing it at the hospital. State care paid for a home machine."

I sat next to my sweet baby girl and kissed her forehead. She smiled sleepily up at me as her little eyes drooped. I felt worthless as I watched my gal keep our daughter alive. I needed to learn how to be more of a help instead of just some bum that showed up for the fun times.

It didn't take as long as I'd thought for Bella to get done. "Okay, we just let it run and the machine will check her blood pressure. She's usually good to go after a treatment."

Since Bella wanted to sleep in the bed with Bethany, I made a pallet on the floor. Our little angel sighed and clutched her teddy bear. She was too young to have to go through things that made adults scared. I wanted all her pain to be over, but I had no way of guaranteeing she'd come through the heart surgery and be completely well.

"Dear God, help me," I sighed as I wiped away a few tears.

I thought they were asleep so my gal's voice startled me. "Ed, you remember that time we talked about kids? I said I wanted a little boy that looked like you and a little girl that looked like me. I was so naive back then. I should have just wished for a healthy child."

I found her eyes in the dark and looked into them. "You can't think like that, darlin'. Sometimes bad things happen and we have to fight our way through to the good times. Look at the beauty we created," I said, smiling at my sleeping daughter.

"She's perfect."

"And beautiful like her mama."

Bella sniffled. "I'm tired of fighting with you over stupid stuff. It's none of my business if you sleep with other women. We can't be havin' sex and pretendin' like things ain't different. I need you to be here for me and Bethany. I won't keep messin' with your head. I'm sorry I've been so childish."

I stood up and walked to her side of the bed. "I didn't have sex with those women. I only went out to drown my sorrows over you. I'm sorry, too. Let's take it slow. Bethany is most important."

Soon after our talk, Bella fell asleep. I laid back down on my pallet and let my mind wander. I'd always had some kind of fairy tale in mind when I thought about my future children, but seeing my baby girl hooked up to tubes and sickly made me realize just how stupid I'd been.

_***Flashback (age 18)***_

_"I can't wait to graduate!" I screamed, plopping down on Bella's old couch._

_She giggled. "Awww, poor baby. I think we can come up with some ways to get you through it."_

_"Like what?"_

_Half an hour later, we were sweaty and curled up in her bed. I played with her hair while she drew circles on my chest. It was hot as hell outside, even though it was after eight. The crickets were chirping and we had the living room televison on for background noise._

_"We got to be more careful. I get lost in the moment, but I don't wanna get you pregnant."_

_She kissed my shoulder gently. "One day, we'll have lots of kids. I want some boys and girls. You can play your music while I build my investment firm. It'll be perfect."_

_I grimaced. "We got plenty of time for that, but we're both too young right now. I can't be goin' on the road with a baby and a wife."_

_She pulled away. "You wanna marry me."_

_I pulled her back. "Yeah, that's always been the plan, but I don't want us to be forced into it. You got a good brain, Bella. The principal is still bragging about your high SAT. I want you to take advantage of every opportunity, even if it ain't with me."_

_She shook her head. "There's no life and happiness for me without you, Ed. Don't ever say we'll have to split up. I go wherever you go. We can't be apart...we can't."_

_I shushed her because she was starting to turn red. "Calm down, darlin'. You're mine. I ain't leavin' you."_

_**~~WIB~~**  
_

That was the first time I ever purposely lied to my gal. The memory was painful for many different reasons. If I'd have just had the courage to believe in our love as much as she did, we would have probably been married now, and I would have had years to know my baby girl.

As I listened to their soft breathing, all I could do was cry. "Help me stay strong," I whispered. "Help me keep my gals safe."

* * *

_I have tears. It's getting close to Bethany's surgery. There will be more with the family. Emmett has a story to tell and the Jasper/Maria bit. I don't know if Esme will come around, but I hope she will. Please leave reviews. I'll update soon._


	8. Chapter 8: In My Daughter's Eyes

_**A/N: **I guess I should start by saying I don't really like this chapter. I wrote it in a hospital at like 4am so... This Edward and Bella have a lot of growing to do, but the main issue right now is Bethany. The next chapter is her surgery and I will split it into two parts. The chapter song is on my **Profile** page. **  
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_**Note:** One of my fics was pulled this week and I was suspended from FFN for a few days. If this happens again, I will probably delete my fics and make a blog for them or post on TWCS. I will let you all know beforehand.  
_

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Twilight but I do own this fic._  
_

* * *

_**EPOV**_

After a long meeting with Jenks and my label's lawyer, it was decided that my contract was fulfilled. Tanya gave a magazine journalist friend of hers the scoop on what Marcus had done to me, so he was busy trying to repair his image. We also had new labels calling and sending people down to Nashville to try and woo me.

"We're going for the works," Tanya told me as she sucked down a huge cup of sweet tea. "I want your next contract to include songwriting, producing, and managing. You've got a real eye for talent."

I shrugged. "I just wanna be close to my gals. Things that I used to think were important don't seem so great these days. I need to be here for 'em."

I'd spent the last five years working my butt off in Europe and Australia to make a name for myself. The American labels had wanted me to add more pop or play rock guitar, but I wanted to stay true to my country roots. Overseas, I'd been allowed to grow and play the kind of music that was in my heart.

Tanya squeezed my knee. "You don't think I would let you go back to the old Edward Cullen, do you? Trust me, I have your best interests at heart."

"I know, but whatever label I sign with is gonna want me to go on a North American tour while the album is hot. What if my lil' darlin' isn't ready to travel this year? What if…"

Tanya shook her head. "You can't think like that, Edward. She's going to make it and be just fine. You can tour the country with Bella and Bethany. Perhaps, we could get a family friendly opening act."

"That's a good idea, but I'd want at least three months off before I commit to anything."

"Good. This is good. I can use all of the things you said to evaluate the current offers. You're in a good position right now because of the album. Make demands," Jenks suggested, handing me a huge binder to read later.

By three, we were done with shop talk. Felix dropped by to pick up Tanya for an early night at the movies. He was in the doghouse again because he wanted them to get married before the baby came, and for some reason that freaked Tanya out big time.

When I got home, I went directly to the kitchen. Quitting smoking had caused an uptick in my appetite so I had to exercise more often. I'd never been prone to fat, but it was better to be safe than sorry. The last thing I needed was to be trying to run after my baby girl with a huge gut.

"That burger is bigger than you, gal," I barked, scaring Bella enough so that she dropped her food.

"Ugh, Ed! Look what you made me do."

I cleaned up the mess and began making her another hamburger while she watched me quietly. We'd been getting along pretty well the last few days. Sometimes, it seemed like she was warming up to me, but other times, she withdrew and stuck close to Bethany.

"I'm sorry," I said contritely as I handed over a brand new plate.

Bella smiled. "Um, thanks. How did your day go?"

I kicked off my boots and slumped down in the chair across from her. "It was okay. I hate all the business stuff. I just wanna make music."

"Not true. You have to be able to make money from your music, so you need the business side. Did you ever take any classes, Ed?"

I shook my head. "Nope. Tanya tried to make me read this financial book once, but I was…too busy."

"With what?" Bella asked, looking up at me.

"You know…the usual."

She snorted. "Debauchery and liquor, huh? When are you gonna realize that sometimes you have to be an adult?"

"I am an adult!"

"Then act like one," she snapped, her chocolate eyes blazing with heat.

"Why are we arguin' about stuff that happened years ago?"

"Because it's relevant today," she sighed. "Ed, you're still very immature. Look at how you went out and got drunk with those bimbos because we were having problems…"

I was so mad I could have spit. "Oh, so now you're Miss Responsible Grown-Up? You're the one playin' games with my head all the time."

"I admitted that I was wrong, and I apologized to you! You don't want to face your own problems, though. It's easier to run away or blame others, isn't it?"

I stood up and walked to the door. "I don't have to sit here and listen to this bullshit! I come home after a long day of work and you can't even be civil to me. You were out to pick a damn fight and now you've succeeded."

"Run away. It's what you do best," she muttered angrily.

I jogged upstairs and slammed my bedroom door. "Christ!"

_***Flashback (age 19)***_

_I took one final look at my angel before getting out of bed. We had spent all weekend making love. She still had no idea that I was fixing to leave her for good. I hated myself for what I was about to do, but I knew that it was best for Bella in the long run._

"_Where you goin'?" she mumbled sleepily, sitting up._

_I cursed and stopped putting on my boots. "Um, I got to get home."_

"_Stay with me, Ed. Renee ain't coming home this week, and your mama don't care if you stay out late anymore. I want you here."_

_I laid back down, pulling her to my chest. "I don't wanna be in the way," I said, hoping she took the bait._

"_Nonsense. It'll be like this all the time when we leave Springfield."_

"_Bella…I told you that it's best if we go our separate ways. We'll still be together…"_

_She pushed me away. "Go? You don't wanna be with me, do you?"_

"_I don't know. I need some time to think about everythin'."_

_Naked from the waist up, she stared at me with hurt in her eyes while I put on my clothes. I'd mistakenly thought that I could make Bella see that going to school without me would be the best thing for her, but she was still determined for us to be together. I knew then that I would have to step up my game. I had to make my gal hate me enough to let go. _

"_Goodbye. We'll talk soon," I said as I headed to the door._

_I'll never forget the utterly defeated sound she made before screaming, "Ed, don't leave me!"_

_**~~WIB~~**_

After getting myself a drink of water, I went back outside to the patio and asked Bella to walk with me. Fortunately, she came willing. We strolled out past the horses and into the barn. I held her hand as we climbed the loft and sat down on a red plaid blanket.

"I love you, Bella. I always loved you, but it scared the hell out of me then…and it still does. I ain't never met a woman who can mix me up like you. I'm sorry I flew off the handle and yelled. You was just bein' honest." I spoke carefully, letting her see the truth in my eyes.

"Y-you love me?"

I nodded. "I thought running away from you would change how I felt. I tried new women and new experiences, but nothing ever replaced you in my heart. I ain't good with feelings and such, you know?"

"Why did you stay away so long?" she asked quietly while tracing a circle on my palm.

"I lied and convinced myself that I did everything for you. I never bothered to check up because I was scared of what I'd find. It's my fault you haven't really lived life. Now, with Bethany…"

She silenced with a kiss as sweet as pecan pie. "We have to stay positive."

I helped her crawl into my lap so that we could sit cuddled together like we used to in the old days. "You're so beautiful," I murmured, softly kissing her delicate neck. "I've been such a goddamn fool."

Bella leaned back into me and sighed. "You don't know me anymore. The girl you love is someone locked away in your memories. I've changed a lot and so have you. I know you think you love me…"

"I know I love you," I stated calmly, more sure about that than anything. "How do you feel about me?"

"I'm torn. In my mind, you're the hero and the villain. I don't know this new famous Edward Cullen. I'm not sure we'd go well together. I want to give you my heart, but the last time I did that, you cut me deep. I've never gotten over you, however, I'm not that naive girl that believed we'd live happily ever after."

"Do you think you could love me?"

"I don't know. There's so much going on. The whole ideal of our situation is very romantic, but that's not necessarily reality."

"What do you mean?" I always used to hate it when she talked in riddles.

"I mean…look at us. We're past lovers brought together by the long lost daughter you never knew you had—it's like a romance novel. We've already slept together more than once, despite not having seen each other in years. The lust, fear, and drama have made it all too easy to fall back into the old routine."

"So you think my feelings aren't genuine…that I don't love you?"

She purred gently as I began rubbing her bare thigh. "I don't know, Ed. It's easy to confuse lust with love. We have a long road ahead of us, and who knows how we'll feel in a few months. I just think that we should take it slow."

"What does that mean exactly?" I asked, adjusting my eager lil' cowboy.

"We should feel each other out. I want to get know you while you get to know me and our daughter. Let's not make it a big deal. We also need to make peace with the past. I'm not sayin' it'll happen overnight. I still have a lot of anger and hurt towards you, but I'm willing to try to put all that pain aside."

I closed my eyes and enjoyed the feel of her round derriere over my throbbing erection. From what she'd just said, it would probably be a long time before I got any action again, not that I was complaining too much. She was right about us needing to work on things.

"Do you have a condom?"

I swallowed hard. "Uh…yeah."

"Good, because Bethany will probably sleep for another few hours. Carlisle can text us if she wakes up." Pa had been spending more time over at the Ranch so that he could get to know my sweet angel baby and stay away from Ma.

"Okay."

"I really want you right now. I know having sex will probably counteract everything we just talked about, but I _need_ to get lost for a little while. When it's over, we'll start fresh and new. I just…"

She laid down, which left me hovering over her small frame. "Shhh," I said, putting my fingers over her sex kitten lips, "You don't have to explain anything. Let me take care of you, sweet gal."

I nibbled on her lips as my hands roamed her pliant body. Bella's nipples were already as hard as granite, so I knew she was just as worked up as me. She mewled and sucked on my tongue while I threw off my tee shirt and unbuttoned my Wranglers.

"You're gonna have to undress yourself. I'm afraid I'll come if I touch you right now," I admitted awkwardly.

She sat up, pulled off her tank top, and shimmied out of the shorts. When she was completely naked, I climbed back on top and began rubbing myself against her body. Her soft, full breasts felt so good against my chest and the cries I drew from her mouth drove me insane.

"Bella, slow down," I begged, reaching in my pants pocket for a Trojan.

"I changed my mind. I want to feel all of you," she whispered sweetly.

We passionately kissed, letting our mouths and hands eagerly explore each others body. I hadn't felt so much heat and tenderness in a long time. Bella held nothing back from me as she moaned her pleasure. Despite all our problems, we were in sync.

"I love you so much," I cried out as I entered her wet heat.

"Mmm," she sighed, reaching up to caress my face.

This time we took it nice and easy. Bella wrapped her legs around my waist as I thrust into her over and over again. After awhile, I added my hands to the fray and began sucking her nipples into my mouth. My gal screamed, clawing at my back until I smelled fresh blood.

"Give it all to me, darlin'. You can't carry around all this pain anymore."

I pressed down on her clit and groaned when she squeezed so tight that it hurt. She whimpered through her first orgasm while I kissed away her tears. When I felt that she was ready, I changed the angle, lifting her right leg over my shoulder.

"Oh god! Ed! I can't…"

"You can," I grunted, kissing her pulse point.

I felt the tightening in my balls, but I wasn't ready to spill my seed yet. "Roll with me, sweet gal. I want you to ride me like one of those horses in the pasture."

Still connected, she placed her hands over my pecs and began to grind slowly. I reached up, pulling her down for a sloppy kiss. Somehow, I managed to remove her clip and free her long, curly hair. She was part angel and part succubus as she sank deeper and deeper onto me.

"Does it…feel good?"

She nodded jerkily. "I never want it to end. I missed you."

"I missed you, too, sweet gal. So so much," I whispered, letting my body say what my mouth couldn't articulate.

Bella gasped and collapsed onto my chest, her insides locking me into place. I squeezed my eyes shut and roared loudly as the most intense orgasm I'd ever had coursed through my body. I saw our past, present, and future in those few minutes that I was floating between reality and paradise. Bella was my life—always had been and always would be.

Afterwards, she sighed and fell asleep. I wrapped myself around her so that we were spooning. While she rested, I reacquainted myself with her supple body. Long ago, I'd memorized every freckle, mole, and scar she possessed. Overall, she was the same but there was now more roundness and a few new marks that I had to kiss and taste.

"Always mine," I mumbled while tracing a small freckle on the swell of her breast.

"Ed."

"You're perfect, darlin'. Rest now and I'll wake you up if Pa calls."

_**~~WIB~~**_

"You guys are really hungry," Bethany said, looking between me and Bella.

Pa laughed, quickly turning it into a throat clearing. "They were working in the barn with the horses, sweetheart. Hard works makes you hungry." Earlier, he had given me a long lecture after I carried Bella into the house for a bath.

I chewed on the last of my French fries and swallowed. "Maybe tomorrow you'll feel well enough to play with your ponies. They miss your pretty face," I said, watching as my sweet baby bounced in her seat.

Bella had been enthusiastically eating her grub, so when she looked up, she resembled a deer in the headlights. "We'll see. Dr. H. said she needs to take it easy until next Wednesday. I don't want her to get exhausted."

"Mommy, I'll be fine. Please," Bethany pleaded, using those big green eyes as a weapon.

"Okay, okay. I'll call Aunt Rosie and Aunt Alice and see if the girls can come over after school. We can make it a play date."

Pa offered to pick everyone up and bring them to the Ranch. I chuckled, imagining a big tea party with all the little girls. My days of Jack and groupies were truly coming to an end, but I didn't think that I would miss them at all. The future included my gals; I just needed Bella to give me a chance to prove that I could be the man she wanted by her side.

After dessert, Pa left. He explained to me that he hated leaving Esme on her own for too long because she was prone to depression. Even though they were still fighting, he cared about her well being. I'd been feeling bad because I hadn't answered any of her calls lately, but Ma had to understand that Bella deserved love and support, not hate and ridicule.

Wanting to earn brownie points, I offered to clean up the kitchen so that Bella and Bethany could choose a movie. I'd forgotten how to do domestic duties, so I just stuffed everything in the dishwasher and hoped for the best.

When that was done, I went into the den to find my girls. They were curled up on the couch giggling together. If I hadn't of been so damn stupid, we could have had times like this every night. I prayed that Bethany would get through the surgery with flying colors so that we could be a real family.

"What are we watching tonight?"

Bethany had a mouth full of M&M's and could only gesture wildly so Bella answered. "_Flicka_. It's one of our favorites."

Watching a movie with my gals was…different. At times, they cried like their heart was breaking, and other times, they laughed so hard they needed water. I enjoyed watching every emotion flicker across their beautiful faces.

"That horse is beautiful," my gal said, pointing at the big screen. "Remember the Appaloosa James' Pa boarded that one summer? I used to sneak onto their farm just to watch him run."

I cringed. "Damn it, Bella, you could have been hurt."

"Watch you language. I was fine. James caught me once but he didn't tell anyone."

"Who is James?" Bethany asked innocently.

Bella sighed. "This is grown up talk, baby. You just watch the movie."

"We'll talk about this later," I whispered, letting her know that the subject had not been settled.

By ten, Bethany had had her bath and was ready for her bed. Bella quietly sang "In My Daughter's Eyes"by Martina McBride while I strummed my vintage Gibson. Pretty soon, our little miracle closed her eyes and began snoring.

"She didn't need dialysis today, so that's good."

I leaned down and kissed Bethany's warm cheeks, inhaling her soft scent. "Dr. Morales sent us some information about the surgery. I'm not gonna lie, I'm scared as hell. We'll need each other more than ever next week."

Bella looked pensive. "I've been through it many times before but this is your first time. It's not gonna be easy seeing her so helpless, hooked up to all of those machines. If you can't…"

I hugged her tightly. "I'm here for good. You and Bethany are not alone anymore."

"My plans still haven't changed, Ed. If she doesn't make it, I won't be far behind. She's my baby girl," Bella confessed quietly.

"She wouldn't want that for you, and you know what the Bible says about the afterlife. If you commit suicide…"

"But I promised her that I'd never let her be alone! Would God really punish me for wanting to spend eternity with Bethany?"

I wiped away her tears and rocked us gently. "I'd do everything in my power to stop you from taking your life, even if it meant I had to go against your will. Right now, it's important that we stay positive. Bethany is a strong lil' gal. She can make it."

"I'm sorry. It's just so hard…"

"I know, sweet gal, I know. Try to get some sleep."

_**~~WIB~~**_

It had been years since I did farm work, but when Pa asked us for help, I eagerly volunteered. We'd left the women and girls at the Ranch to rest and ride ponies. Bethany had been thrilled to spend time with her cousins, and the ladies wanted to gossip in peace.

"I see Mama's milking cows are still as ornery as ever. I swear I went to school with a bruise more than once because I didn't squeeze the right way," I said, rubbing my sore foot.

Felix laughed and clapped me on the shoulder. "That's just her way of saying she likes you. Tanya does the same thing to me."

"I'm tellin' that you compared her to a mean cow. She'll love that."

He groaned. "If you want me to live to see my child born, you'll keep your mouth shut."

"How's the California boy doing?" Emmett asked snidely, stepping into the barn.

Felix wiped his brow. "I thought moving music equipment in Brazil was hard work, but farming is even tougher."

I glanced over, noticing that Emmett seemed a little put out.

"You went to Brazil with Ed?"

"Nah," I said, taking a swig of water. "He went with another singer. I ain't been to South America yet."

Felix nudged me playfully. "He'll probably go during his next worldwide tour."

My brother got quiet after that and went to check on the rest of the cattle. He'd gone to school to be an agriculture manager and ran Pa's farm as well as his own. I felt guilty because Emmett had taken on the family business while Jasper and I got to explore the world.

Later, Pa took me out and showed me the soybean and wheat fields. He told me that Em was great at managing the money, so he was able to hire men and buy the latest farm equipment. I marveled at all the success and hard work that must have gone into the venture.

"Do you think he's mad at me?"

Pa spit out his toothpick. "Naw, but I do think he's a little jealous. He wanted to show Rose the world, and they got stuck here. It ain't been easy keeping it all going after you left. Then the thing with Jasper hit us all hard."

"I should have been here."

"Well, you're here now. It's difficult for a man to admit he was wrong and take responsibility. I'm proud of you, Edward. Your brothers will come around soon enough." A kind word from Pa meant more to me than any award or amount of money.

Eventually, we ended up at the paddock. Jasper was walking a few of the horses while Paul and Seth watched from the fence. My brother had always been good with animals, and it only took me a minute to s that that hadn't changed a bit.

"Are all these yours?" I asked Pa before climbing up next to Paul.

"I board a few for neighbors. My arthritis kicks in sometimes, so I can't be running after too many young bucks."

I took off my hat and nodded. "You need to think about retiring, Pa."

He shushed me and went to talk to Jasper. Pa had been a farmer all his life, and his father before him. It would take an act of God to get him off the land. I planned to use my new found fame and money to help my family, so Pa was just gonna have to get used to the idea of a long vacation.

Seth scooted close and smiled at me. "Hi, Uncle Edward."

I ruffled his hair. "Hey, Seth. Whatcha been up to lately?"

He began speaking rapidly, making it difficult for me to understand since he was only four. When I got him to slow down, I realized how funny he could be. The poor kid obviously wasn't getting much entertainment at home so he loved his time at preschool.

"Well, that's great. School is very important." I may have sounded dumb, but I thought it was my duty as an uncle and father to endorse educational pursuits.

Soon, Jasper came to take him inside for a bathroom break. Pa had to go sign some papers with Emmett, so that just left me and Paul. My nephew completely ignored me until I took out my harmonica and started playing.

"Mama played your song last night," he said, not bothering to make eye contact.

"Did you like it?"

He shook his head. "I don't like music much, but it made her smile real big, and she don't never smile."

"Well I'm glad it made her happy."

"Me too."

I stared at the horses run carefree around the paddock until a movement to the left caught my eye. "What's that?" I asked, pointing at Paul's small knife.

"It's for whittlin'. Mama taught me how, and I'm making a flower for Bethany."

The kid was good with his hands. I could already see the artistry in his work. "She'll love it. Thank you."

In many ways, Paul was like Jasper. He didn't talk much but what he did say had a way of making you think. I asked him a few general questions about school to which he replied in mostly one-word answers.

"We're going to my Ranch after we get done here. I have some arcade games you might like," I hedged, hoping that he'd get excited about the trip.

He just shrugged. "I don't know how to play those games. We don't have a TV or a computer. Mama prints off stuff from the library that helps me learn about whittlin'."

I made a mental note to speak to Jasper. He may not want anything from me, but he would have to accept gifts for the children. "I'll teach you how to play," I promised.

By six, every bone in my body was screaming in pain. Felix and Emmett were getting along better and sharing jokes. I was glad that my brother and one of my best friends had found common ground. Pa looked worn out, but he was smiling.

We all piled into my Suburban and drove to the Ranch. Thankfully, Bella and the ladies already had a spread waiting for us. Felix let Tanya fuss over him while he showed her his calloused fingers proudly. I made a mooing noise and he turned purple.

"What is this about?" Tanya asked before placing her manicured hands on her hip.

"Nothing, honey. Edward is just being stupid."

I just grinned and went to search for my gal. She was in the kitchen helping the mamas make plates for the kids. Bella didn't dress up often, but I could tell that she'd put some effort into tonight. A silky dark blue dress complimented her skin nicely and the gold heels made her legs look longer.

"You look beautiful." I practically whimpered the words.

She blushed prettily. "Thanks. Tanya gave it to me. She said it'll be a long time before she can wear Versace again. I think it cost more than my monthly rent, but I didn't wanna be rude."

"You deserve nice things, Bella. I can take you shopping…"

"No! I am not some gold digger that expects you to buy me expensive clothes. I already feel bad enough that I can't contribute to Bethany's surgery."

Thankfully, we were the only ones left in the kitchen at this point, because I didn't want our angel hearing us fight too much; it wasn't good for her. It was almost funny that my gal could make me so happy one minute and want to spit nails the next.

"Ain't nothin' wrong with a man buying his woman nice things!"

She poked me in the chest, her finger probably leaving a bruise. "I am not your woman, Ed! We are just two people raising a child together."

Sighing, I pulled her into my arms. She protested a moment before relaxing into the embrace. I just held her, letting my hands wander across her soft curves until she moaned with need. We had our problems, but there was still something strong between us.

"I don't wanna fight with you. I'm so hungry, I could eat a horse. Fix me a plate?"

_**~~WIB~~**_

The next morning, Renee and Billy came to visit Bethany. They felt a little left out because my family had been hogging her the last few days. Somehow, I managed to talk Bella into going out for breakfast with me at the old diner in Springfield. She was always reluctant to leave our daughter, but Renee pretty much pushed her out the front door.

When we got inside, several people came up to shake my hand or ask me for an autograph. Bella went to sit in the booth while I obliged. A few teenage girls with braces squealed and took pictures that they could post to Twitter and Facebook. I just smiled wide for the camera phones.

Bella giggled. "Things sure have really changed. I remember when you used to spend hours here waiting for my shift to end."

I smiled at the memory. "You would wear those tight jeans or short shorts and sashay around the place until I was as hard as a rock. Sometimes I had to sneak away to my truck to rub one out. You were part angel and part devil, gal!"

Soon, an older woman with white hair came out and took our order. Bella requested sausage, scrambled eggs, pancakes, and cheese grits, so I decided to have the same. It warmed my heart to see her appetite return. The next few days were going to be rough on us as a family—she would need her strength.

"Did you see that little flower Paul is making for Bethany? It's so sweet," Bella gushed, smiling wide.

I added some salt to my grits and nodded. "He's a good boy. Jasper loves him but they're all so broken. I wanna help."

"I know. Alice has really bad nerves because of all the things that happened. I didn't have the best childhood but I wasn't never raped or sold. Her daddy was a monster, and I hope he's rotting in hell!" Bella's eyes were a sight to behold when she was truly angry.

I smirked, watching her poor almost a whole container of syrup on her pancakes. "You can't even taste them with all that sugar."

She stuck out her tongue at me. "Can too. They taste the best this way."

Suddenly, Bella looked up and dropped her fork. I turned around to see what had frightened my gal enough to make her give up a hot breakfast. Standing behind us was a mistake from my past, and worst of all, she was with Esme.

"Edward," Jessica screamed, running to our booth. "I haven't seen you since that time in London but I heard your LP. How have you been?"

Mama smiled, ignoring Bella's presence completely. "You just sit here and catch up with Ed, Jessica. I'll go get us something to eat."

I looked across the table, wincing when I saw that Bella's eyes were wet and red. "Excuse me," she mumbled before running out the front door.

"Damn it," I yelled, pushing Jess aside so that I could go after my gal.

I found her bent over near the wooded side of the lot. She was vomiting up what little of her breakfast she'd gotten to eat. I ran inside and grabbed a bottle of water. Then, I waited until she was done and made her drink.

"I need to go home," murmured, trying to walk past me.

"Bella, I didn't know she was going to be here. I'm so sorry."

She glared at me. "How long ago was London?"

"About four years ago," I said, rubbing the back of my neck. "She was there for school and it just kinda happened."

"Take me home. Please, just take me home," Bella whispered, not making eye contact.

I helped her in the car, and then ran back inside to pay and get the food to go. Thankfully, the little old lady worked quickly. The rest of the patrons stared or wished me luck on my way out. I pretended like Mama and Jess didn't exist, because they weren't important to me.

While I drove, my gal stared out the window. The silence got to be too much, so I turned on my CD for the rest of the drive. Bella's knee began shaking like it did when she was really agitated. I wanted to talk, but I was scared that she would bite my head off about the past.

We were halfway home when she spoke. "The day…the day that you… I'd gotten you a gift for your birthday—a white gold guitar pick necklace pendant with your name engraved. I saved up for months. I'd felt like you were pulling away from me, and I needed you closer."

"Bella."

"I spent hours wrapping it up just right and making the perfect card. When I pulled up to our special place, I knew that something was different. Then…"

_***Flashback (age 19)***_

_I woke up with the worst hangover of my life. Last night, I'd finally given in and hooked up with Jessica Stanley. She'd been trying to get in my Wranglers since Middle School, but I was always with Bella. I still didn't give a gosh damn about her, but she was the means to an end._

"_Eddie-poo, where are you goin'? I'm not done with you yet." Her cloying perfume and hairspray made me want to puke._

"_I've gotta take a piss," I mumbled, scurrying to the little bathroom. While there, I stared at my ugly bearded face in the mirror and snarled,"I hate you."_

_Jessica continued to blabber, so I went outside to smoke a cigarette. The pain in my head was nothing compared to the one in my heart. I knew that after today, my gal would never speak to me again. She would go on to New York, meet some educated man, and forget she ever knew an Edward Cullen from Springfield, Tennessee._

_I was halfway through a new bottle of Jack when I heard a key turning the lock. Groaning, I stood up and walked to the door. Bella was standing on the small porch with a big smile on her beautiful face. I almost wanted to pick her up and run far away, but it was too late._

"_Who is it, Eddie-poo?" Jessica asked from the big bed._

_My gal's face paled. "Ed?"_

_I gestured for Jessica to join us. She was only wearing one of my white tees and it wasn't hard to tell that we'd just fucked the night away. Bella recoiled as her whole body began trembling. I put on a mask to play the part, even slapping Jessica's butt to make her yelp and giggle._

"_What are you doing here? Jessica and I are kinda busy."_

_My gal dropped to her knees as deep sobs escaped from her open mouth. "How could you?"_

_I shrugged nonchalantly. "Hey, you didn't honestly think we'd last forever, did you? High school sweethearts never work out in the long run. We were good, but I'm bored now. I need more variety, something new. I'm sure you'll find someone else."_

"_You said you loved me," she whispered brokenly._

_Jessica laughed. "Girl, they'll tell you anything to get under your skirt. He's with me now, so why don't you just go on home. He obviously wanted to upgrade from trailer park trash to a real future."_

_Bella stood up, lunging for Jess, but I stopped her. "Don't do it, gal. We're over."_

_She spat in my face and slapped me so hard that I knew I'd have a mark for several weeks. "I gave you everything! Everything! How can you be so cold? We've been together since we were kids. How could you hurt me like this? It ain't right. It just ain't right, Ed."_

_I wanted to fall to my knees and beg forgiveness after seeing the pain in her dark eyes. "I can't spend the rest of my life with you in a trailer. Pretty soon, you'll be wantin' to trap me with babies. It's a big world out there, and I want to see it. Besides, you ain't really marryin' material, now are you?"_

_Bella gasped. "I've been so damn stupid. I thought you loved me as much as I loved you, but I was wrong. I hope you're happy with the hoochie you've chosen. I never want to see you again."_

"_That's it then. Goodbye, Isabella Swan. It was nice knowin' you."_

_**~~WIB~~**_

I got so choked up after the memory that I had to pull over in a grocery store parking lot. Bella took some Kleenex out of her purse, sobbing harder. I tried to comfort her, but she recoiled from my touch. In less than an hour, all the work that I'd done to make her see the new me was ruined.

"Talk to me, sweet gal," I begged, reaching for her small hand.

"It hurts. It's like a scar that's almost completely healed, and then something happens to make it start bleeding again. You broke me that day, Ed."

"Come here, darlin'." I helped her climb across the console. She was hesitant at first but eventually accepted my hand.

When she was curled in my lap, I let the seat back so that we could get more comfortable. "I will never forgive myself for that day, but I can't change the past. I love you so much, Bella. All I can do is prove it every day of your life and hope that you believe me. Jessica ain't in my heart, she never was there. It's always been you, sweet gal."

Trembling, she laid her cheek against my chest. "I …I can't do this again, Ed. You owned my heart since the day we met, but when you stomped on it… There just ain't nothin' left to give! I may be able to have sex or be your friend, but love won't ever happen. I'm sorry."

I felt tears slip from my eyes, and when I looked out the window, I realized that it was raining. Bella pulled away and went back to her seat while I started the truck. It cut me deep to hear her say that she could never love again, but I had enough fight left in me for both of us.

"Let's go home, darlin'."

* * *

_Esme is still a bitch. Methinks the little white haired lady tipped her off. Jessica and Edward will not be hooking up anymore in this fic, and he will not cheat. Please review to let me know what you think. _


	9. Chapter 9: Amazing Grace

_**A/N: **Sorry for another long delay. Thanks to everyone that is still reading this fic. Song chapter is on my Profile page. The next chapter will be BPOV as a flashback of her life with Bethany up until Edward showed up. I will have it posted by Tuesday at the latest. Look out for updates of my other stories too.  
_

_**WARNING**: This chapter does included extreme heartache and may not be for sensitive readers._

* * *

_**EPOV**_

"You self righteous bitch! Bella has always tried to get you to like her, and all you've done is treat her like trash. It's time I teach you a lesson," Renee shouted. I was too slow to stop her right hook from connecting with Ma's nose or maybe I just didn't give a gosh damn.

I pulled Renee back while Pa went to get a towel. "Calm down, Mrs. Black. Fighting ain't gonna solve nothin'."

Unfortunately, Bella's mom was as strong as her and easily escaped my grasp. "Get your hands off o' me! I should hit you too for all the hell you've brought to my daughter's life. Ya'll ain't as high and mighty as you like to pretend. I'm sick and tired of seeing Bella suffer at the Cullen's hands. You can all just go straight to hell!"

I didn't even bother to defend myself, because Renee was right. Yesterday, Bella had practically cried herself to sleep after learning that I hooked up with Jessica in London. Sometimes it seemed like everything our family touched turned to shit.

Ma looked ready to spit nails as she grabbed the towel and ice from Pa. "It's funny that you care about being a mother now that your gal is grown! Be honest, you're just trying to make sure she cuts you in on some of that money Edward's gonna give her for Bethany. Swan, Black—whatever you call yourselves these days, ya'll are just trailer trash sluts. I wish Edward had never fornicated with your daughter! Then to add insult to injury, my own goddamn _husband _had to sample the nastiness between your thighs."

"Shut the hell up!" I barked, getting into Ma's face. "Let me tell you something, Bella is a good woman. I was her first, and if I had of stayed here and been a man, she would have never been with anyone else. That gal loved me with all her heart, and I treated her like dirt. She birthed a baby and raised it alone—something you ain't never had to do."

Ma rolled her eyes. "I don't see what that has…"

"When this house was going to hell, I used to stay at Bella's trailer, and she'd cook for me and comfort my soul. I'm not gonna let you hurt her anymore. We're done, Esme. I don't want you near me or Bethany."

"Edward, think of what you're saying. I'm your mother."

For the first time ever, I turned my back on her pleading eyes, eyes that were so much line mine. "Not anymore. I love Bella, and I want to have a family with her. You single-handedly set us back with that bullcrap you pulled at the diner. I don't want any other woman, and I never will. I also won't let you poison Bethany's mind, because she loves her mother and nothin' you say will ever change that fact."

"I have to agree with Edward," Pa said firmly. "I've tried with you, Es, but you don't love me anymore. I'm been thinkin' and it's time I sell the farm to Emmett. We can split whatever money is left after the divorce."

I gasped. "Ya'll getting divorced?"

He nodded. "I filed last week. I can't keep paying for a mistake I made years ago. Livin' in this house with all the hate has been a nightmare."

"Well…feel free to shack up one of the new town whores. I know that's your type and all." I'd never heard my mother sound so bitter towards him.

We just stood there in silence until Renee made a move for her purse. I told Pa that I'd call him and offered to take Renee back to her house. She asked me to drop her off at Bella's place instead, and I quickly agreed.

Ma followed us to the door and tried to pull me back. "Please, Edward! You're my baby, and I love you. Don't leave it like this."

I shrugged her off. "You don't love anyone. You're reaping just what you sowed. I wish you could be in our lives, but you're too volatile. If you ever want to get help for the anger, I'll support you but until then…"

She stood on the porch crying as I drove the truck away from the farm. Nothing would ever stop me from loving her, but it was time to take a stand. Bella didn't deserve to be treated like dirt by me or my mother. I planned to spend the rest of my life showing my gal that she was special.

"I'm sorry I hit your Ma. I just got so mad when Bella called me and explained what had happened."

"It's fine. I'm sorry that I let it go on this long."

When we got to the stop light, Renee pulled out her wallet and held up a picture. In it, she was curled up with a man that resembled my gal. I reached out so that I could get a closer look. Renee had been a real knockout in her younger years, so it was almost sad to see the way that she'd deteriorated.

"That's me and Bella's father. His name was Philip Swan, and he was the only man I ever loved."

The light turned green, but it took a minute for me to contain my thoughts. "Damn. Does Bella know?"

Renee looked away. "I told her about him when she was pregnant with Bethany. I was trying to connect with my daughter after all the years of being a negligent parent. She got very upset, told me she didn't want to know."

"What exactly happened?"

"I grew up in a backwater town even smaller than Springfield. My momma died in a car accident and my father was always in and out of prison, so my grandparents raised me. When I was eighteen, they both fell in poor health."

"I'm sorry, Renee."

Her leg began to shake just like Bella's did when she was nervous. "A girlfriend and I saved up to go to Atlantic City. I met him outside of a club. He was so handsome and charmin'. I think I fell in love with him before the first dance."

I spotted a Waffle House and asked Renee if she wanted to get some breakfast. She accepted and after parking my car, we went inside. The place was almost empty except for the usual geezers, so we were seated immediately.

I waited until we got our coffee to ask my questions. "Why did he leave you and Bella?"

"I married him that weekend. He said he had a job lined up in trucking and a house waiting for us in Nashville. My girlfriend thought I was crazy, but she agreed to be a witness. Two months after we were married, I found out I was pregnant. At that time, we were livin' out of a dirty motel room because he had lied about having a real job or home. All we did was fight."

"That must have been hard." It was easy imagine young pregnant Renee, which made me think of my gal alone and pregnant. I was no better than that Philip Swan.

"It was. The last thing I wanted to do was bring a baby into our mess, but I was young and stupid. The day I told him I was pregnant, he accused me of being a whore, roughed me up real good. I almost lost Bella from that beating. When I woke up in the hospital, I was alone. A few months later, a law man walked into the restaurant where I waitressed and handed me the divorce papers. I kept the bastard's last name cuz' I thought it was pretty. He owed my baby at least that much."

I took a bite of bite omelet and sighed. "Did you ever see the son o' a bitch again?"

"No I didn't. It's impossible to track a man down for child support when he don't want to be found. I got addicted to gamblin' and men to mask the pain. Thankfully, Bella learned to take care of herself early in life. I made myself pretend like we were sisters so that I wouldn't feel guilty. I wish I could go back and change it all. I treated my baby girl exactly like her father had treated me. I hate myself for it," she sobbed, wiping her eyes with a napkin.

I put my hand on top of her trembling one. "But you redeemed yourself. Bella told me about how you fought for her and Bethany. You love them. It also looks like you and Billy have something special."

She smiled. "Bella and Bethany mean the world to me.

"Billy is the first man that delivered everything he promised. He was already in the wheelchair by the time we met, and his wife had passed away from cancer. From the beginning, I loved his spirit, and soon I grew to love all of him. We're very happy."

"Renee, I want Bella to be my wife and for us to raise Bethany together. She hates me right now, but do you think there's hope for us?" I asked, hoping that she'd give me some good advice.

"As long as you are both still breathing, there's hope."

_**~~WIB~~**_

Since Bethany was going in for surgery in the next few days, we'd decided to have a big family slumber party at my Ranch. I'd gone all out so that everyone would have fun. The youngins' loved it and my sweet angel baby had declared me the 'best daddy in the whole wide world'.

Emmett and I stood by the fence to watch Bethany and Heidi ride their ponies. The girls laughed, looking like they had known each other their whole lives. I was glad to see that my princess had some energy and was able to keep up with her cousin.

"I need to talk to you about something," I said, drawing Emmett's attention.

"Spit."

My oldest brother was a proud man, so I had to make sure that I worded this just right. "Pa told me that he's selling the farm to you. I would just like to know if you'd be willin' to let me invest."

He took off his Stetson, twirling it on the ends of his fingers. "Are you asking because you feel guilty about leaving all those years ago, or because you really want to help?"

"I ain't gonna lie, it's a little of both."

"Thanks for being honest, Ed. The farm could use some new equipment. The only way that I can accept is if I make you a full partner. I ain't never asked anybody for a handout." Emmett had always been the most responsible of us all.

"Deal," I said, reaching over to shake his hands.

A few minutes later, Bethany started to sway on her pony. I immediately picked her up, carrying her to where Bella was sitting with Alice and Rose. My gal took one look at our baby girl and frowned. Bethany had been doing so well that it was almost easy forget how sick she truly was until it hit you upside the head.

"Mommy, my head hurts," Bethany sobbed, her little body shaking.

"Do you want to go inside, sweetheart?"

"No, Mommy. I want to be outside with the ponies and everybody."

Bella stood up and took her from me. "Ed, can you go get her medicine?"

I nodded and ran off towards the house. I hated that my daughter couldn't play outside all day like the other children. She deserved to have a happy life, and I was hoping that the surgery would give it to her. The alternative was far too scary.

Soon, I returned to the backyard. Bella pulled out a chilled bottle of water and helped Bethany swallow the pills. My sweet angel baby smiled at her Aunts while snuggling into Bella's bosom. The contact with her mama seemed to help with the pain.

Lucy wandered over to Alice and sat in her lap, and before long, Heidi was curled up in Rose's arms. Pa always used to say that the bond between a mother and child was special, something no man could ever truly experience. Sure, there were some bad mamas out there but for the most part they were good.

"Can I do anything else," I asked, rubbing the back of my neck awkwardly.

Bella shook her head and said, "You've done enough." I had the distinct feeling she wasn't talking about me getting the medicine.

Sighing, I went to join Pa and Jasper who were busy manning the grill. The smell of roast pork assaulted my nose making me drool. I'd always loved Pa's specialty barbecue—about the only thing he could really cook.

"You look like shit," Jasper said, handing me a chilled beer.

I chuckled at his typical bluntness. "Bella ain't talking to me, and now Bethany is feeling poorly."

Pa patted on the shoulder. "Son, you need to stop and take a deep breath. Both your gals are under your roof. Make the best of the time you have together."

After Jasper and I stole a drumstick each, Pa waved his spatula, shooing us away. Jasper and I sat down a nearby picnic table. It was a hot day, but there was slight breeze coming along that made the grass and hay smell more potent. I inhaled, wondering how I'd ever lived outside of Tennessee.

"I got Maria pregnant when we were seventeen," Jasper confessed before setting his Budweiser aside.

"What?"

"We weren't careful. You were what, fourteen or fifteen. Our family was going through so much. We never told anyone back then…"

I took a deep breath. "What happened to the baby?" I asked, not sure I wanted to know the answer.

A single tear fell from Jasper's blue eyes. "She miscarried before the first trimester. I knew… I knew she didn't want a baby but a part of me had hoped that I'd be a dad."

I grabbed some napkins and pressed them into my brother's trembling hands. Sometimes I thought of what if Bella had lost Bethany or Bethany had died before I ever met her—just the thought of it made me feel like I was dying.

"I'm so sorry, Jasper. I should have been there for you."

He wiped his eyes, taking a long sip of beer. "Nothin' you coulda done about it. After the miscarriage was when Maria started making me do things for her. I felt so bad about losing our baby that I couldn't say no. At first it was just weed and booze, but then… I stole designer clothes for her, sometimes even money out of the till at work."

"Jesus!" I shouted, stunned. Even when I'd been at home, I'd still been oblivious to what was happening right under my nose.

"It got worse after you left. We were done with school, and her tastes were even more expensive. I found out that she'd been whorin', selling herself to men for money through an Escort Service. She got heavily into cocaine and it didn't come cheap."

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I hadn't known Maria all that well, but I'd truly believed she loved my brother. Bella had been much poorer than Maria, yet she never would have sold herself. I'd had such an honest and loving woman but all I'd done was toss her away like trash.

"That's when I started dealing to support her habit. I hated myself, Ed. I got into knife fights, lied to everyone, and became a monster. One night, a pregnant woman came to buy from me. She had a red-haired little girl with her. I took all the poison back to my connection and quit for good. I got my ass kicked, but it was worth it to leave that life."

I pulled my hair and stood up to pace. "I should have been here! I had some money by then and could have helped you put Maria in rehab. I'm so sorry, Jasper."

He pounded his fist on the table. "Don't put this on yourself. Maria didn't want help. I tried to make her go to rehab but if an addict doesn't want to change no one can make them! She was cruel in her last days. The night…the night she overdosed I had been at the factory working a double shift. She had been fuckin' some John in a hotel and snorted too much junk up her nose. They found her naked and bloody…"

I sat down next to my brother and hugged him tightly while he sobbed. "I can't even imagine. I mean, Bella could have taken that same path. She said she was self-destructive after I left. I can't even begin to imagine what you lived through."

"I just wished I could have done more. She was a good girl at one time, but she just wanted so much more than Springfield. I got depressed, joined the military, and got shipped to Iraq. It was rough over there; I saw things no human being should see. During the War, I helped save a doctor after a bomb deployment. After that, I failed a physical readiness test so they gave me an Honorable Discharge. I came home worse than when I left."

"Alice."

A contented smile graced his lips. "She saved me, but I'll never be whole. I know she deserves better—a man that will marry her. I just… I didn't even want to have children but she told me she was lonely. I vowed that I'd never fail her the way I did Maria. Lucy, Seth, and Paul are my blessings. I only wish I could be the father they need."

"Why can't you?"

He finished his beer before replying. "I'm too messed up. When Alice and I first got together, I used to wake them up and make them get in the closet so that I could protect them from some imaginary threat. That's when Ma and Pa made me start going to therapy. I've gotten a little better, but I'm still not normal."

"You are normal, you've just been through hell. I know you love your family. What can I do to help?" I was prepared to offer my brother anything.

"Nothin', Ed. I ain't no goddamn charity case."

I huffed. "I got this same tripe from Em before he agreed to take a loan for the farm. I want to make amends, and I care about you all."

Jasper was quiet for a long time. Then, he laughed. "Well, I would like to get Alice and the kids in a nicer house. I make furniture, mostly just for the locals. I took some carpentry classes, but I don't have the money to open a real shop."

I smiled because I could finally see a glimpse of the old Jasper. "Hell yeah! I can lend you the money for the shop. We can tear that old house down and build a fine one. I'd like you, Alice, and the kids to live here until it's done. What do you think?"

He gave me reasons about why they couldn't impose. I told him that since Bella refused to move in with me, I had way too much room. Tanya and Felix would be leaving for London after the surgery so that they could tell her parents of the pregnancy, so even the guest house would be empty. I'd planned to let Pa move in there as soon as they left.

"I guess I can't say no to such a good offer. Alice won't want to leave once she takes a bath in that big tub. Are you sure it's not too much trouble?"

I rolled my eyes. "I'd love the company. After all the crap going down with Bella, I really don't need to be left alone with my thoughts. I think she hates my guts. We ain't ever gonna be lovers again."

It was Jasper's turn to comfort me. "Hey, now, you know that gal has always loved you. I know a lot that happened, but she's your other half. Don't give up on her."

By the time I returned to Bella, Bethany had fallen asleep. I volunteered to put her to bed; Bella, Lucy, and Heidi came with me after Rose and Alice decided all the children could use a nap before dinner.

Bella helped the girls into sleep shirts and put them in bed with Bethany. Then, she dimmed the lights and put on a cartoon. Heidi and Lucy giggled as she kissed them on the forehead. My gal was born to be a mother. I stood to the side and just let her do her thing.

We found Paul and Seth in the upstairs den. They had been playing a racecar game and fell asleep on the plush couch. I put a blanket over them, watching as Paul stirred. I rubbed his head and let him know it was me, and soon, he was peaceful again. Bella leaned down and kissed both their foreheads.

After that, I asked Bella to come to my bedroom. She hesitated briefly before agreeing. While she sat on an armchair, I retrieved the gifts I'd had Tanya help me get for her. I knew that my gal hated me spending money on her, but she deserved nice things.

"Ed, we should get back outside…"

I held out the two wrapped presents, smiling shyly. "I hope you like them."

"I can't accept this from you."

"Please," I begged, desperate for Bella to at least try to meet me halfway.

She sighed and delicately began to untie the ribbon on the first box. Before long, she was holding the gift up for inspection. Before I could ask what she thought, she opened the next box, gasping when she saw what was inside.

"No! You can't just give me these and think it changes a damn thing. I'm not the same naive girl that wanted these things. No, Ed!" she yelled, throwing them on the ground.

I wanted to cry. "I promised you that one day I'd buy you a silk gown that was the exact same color of the sky on a clear day and a diamond tennis bracelet. I just wanted to keep that promise."

She shook her head, tears streaming down her pretty face. "I said when we were married! We both know that will never happen now. You didn't want me, Ed."

"I was stupid! Please, Bella, can we try again? The gown…the gown is from this boutique in Paris—I'll take you there. The bracelet is real diamonds and rose gold. Take the gifts, even if you don't want me right now."

She frowned. "I'll never want you. Do you know how it feels to know that Jessica Stanley was fucking you while I struggled with our sick daughter? It was bad enough you used her to destroy our relationship but to see her in that Diner and hear her brag…it was just too much! I can't keep letting you hurt me. I'm already only a shell of who I used to be."

I felt something disconnect from my body, something vital. "Give me another chance. I'll never leave you and Bethany again. I thought we were making progress. Bella, you're the only gal I ever really loved. Don't do this!"

A calmness that I'd rarely seen came into Bella's big brown eyes. "I have to let you go, Ed. We can both be good parents to Bethany, but we can't go back to being a couple. I should have never started having sex with you again. All we've done is create more problems for ourselves. I'm tired. We both need to move on with our lives."

"I'll do anything," I whispered, grabbing her arm and pulling her to my chest.

She looked up into my eyes. "We can't go back in the past and change things, Ed. Let me go."

I leaned down to kiss her but she ran from me. After she left, I sat on the edge of the bed and cried like a baby. I finally fully understood what Bella had felt when I left her all those years ago. The devastation was deep, almost like experiencing death.

Later, I cleaned myself up and went outside. By then, Renee, Billy, and Jake had arrived. Bella introduced them to everyone and basically ignored me. Before long, it was time to wake up the kids. I had Em help me set up an outside projection so that we could watch old family movies outside.

The first one was of Bella's and Bethany's first Christmas. My gal and our angel looked so happy. I quietly thanked Renee for having the sense to record that special moment. It almost knocked me on my ass when I saw Bella help Bethany put an ornament on their small tree.

"I should have been there," I said gruffly, drawing the eyes of all our family members.

Pa smiled. "We'll all be there this year." The way Bella looked at me; I could tell she didn't believe him.

"Look, Daddy, I was so tiny," Bethany said, giggling.

I kissed her cheeks, sniffing the sweet scent of her soft hair. "You're still tiny. When you get out of the hospital, I'm gonna work on putting some meat on your bones."

Renee laughed heartily. "You and me both. I've been trying to fatten them both up for years."

"Ugh, I'm not a prized cow," my gal whined, pouting prettily.

The rest of the night went on peacefully. I'd had a lot of games set up, but Bethany really enjoyed looking through the telescope and drawing what she'd seen. Jasper told his family about my idea, and they were all happy or at least as happy as they could seem.

Rose wrangled me into singing a few songs from my debut album. It wasn't hard to get Bethany to join in with me. She had a voice like an angel.

"I'm glad you're helping them," Bella whispered, pointing to where Jasper and Alice were hugging each other.

"It's the right thing to do."

She smiled slightly. "I always knew you had lots of good in your heart. You just had to get over your selfishness."

I couldn't deny it because she was right. "Can I, uh, read the lil' angels a bedtime story tonight?"

"You're Bethany's father and Lucy and Heidi's uncle—of course it's okay."

It turned out that little gals were good at making their Pa's look like a fool. I had to read at least three stories complete with voices before the girls would even get under the covers. My brothers stood in the doorway laughing at me until their wives made them leave.

"Goodnight," Bethany sang, kissing me on the forehead.

I tickled them all before turning off the lights and exiting. Bella was sitting in one of the hallway chairs reading a book. She looked up at me as I passed. I wanted to kiss her, but I knew that would have just made her upset.

"Nothing that happened today changes the way I feel about you. I love you, Bella."

She stood up. "Sometimes that's not enough. Night, Ed."

_**~~WIB~~**_

The day before Bethany's surgery, Bella got a call from her lawyer. Someone wanted to meet her to discuss her past. I was immediately on edge and put Jenks on retainer for the job. Jake, who was just fresh out of Law School, insisted on going as well.

"Who is this guy, Jenks?" I asked as soon as we met in the lobby of a downtown building.

"I don't know, but I do know he's loaded. Alistair McDean doesn't come cheap. All I know is that he requested to meet Bella and Renee in person," my lawyer replied, leading me into an expensive-looking conference room.

Bella was in a black dress sitting next to Renee and Billy. They were all whispering back and forth as Jake argued with her original lawyer. Jenks nodded before leaving me to join the chaos. I sat down on the other side of Bella, putting my hand on her knee to draw her attention.

"It's gonna be okay, sweet gal. I'm not gonna let anyone hurt you," I promised, letting her see the truth in my eyes.

She removed my hand and sighed. "You didn't need to come."

"The hell I didn't!" Everyone stopped what they were doing to glare at me. "Sorry."

A tall blond man that looked to be a few years older than me walked into the room followed by an older dark-haired man. The blond guy was obviously the lawyer—his tailored suit and wingtips giving him away. The older man was also dressed well, but it was more of an understated thing with him.

"You must be Ms. Isabella Swan," the blond said, eying her appreciatively.

I bared my teeth when she leaned across the table to shake his hand. The older man smiled at her, offering his hand next while Mr. McDean introduced himself to Renee. Neither man knew what to make of me, but thankfully Jenks did his job and explained the situation.

"Why are we here?" Jake asked as everyone began to sit down.

"Isabella, so beautiful," the older man muttered, staring at my gal.

"What the hell?"

Alistair took that as his cue. "Thank you for all agreeing to this meeting. My client, Charles Swan, is Bella's uncle on her father's side. He only recently found out about her existence and wanted to meet and settle up some accounts."

Renee made a strange noise, her face going white. "He…he knows about Bella?"

"What's his name, Mama?" Bella whispered, her hands trembling.

Renee and Charles answered at the same time. "Phillip Dwyer Swan."

My gal began to cry so the lawyers called for a break. I got her a bottled water and some Kleenex while Renee tried to explain. Billy and Jake were very agitated, having their own conversation. Charles Swan never took his eyes off of Bella.

"Why now?" she asked, looking at him.

He waved his lawyer away and came to stand in front of her. "My brother died a little over a month ago. He didn't tell me about you and Renee until he was on his deathbed. I was so angry when I found out that he'd abandoned you!"

Renee shook her head. "No! He knew where we all this time and he didn't even try to help his daughter? I knew he was bastard but god damn!"

"That's not all," Alistair said, starting the meeting again. "The deceased Mr. Swan and Charles Swan won the lottery eleven years ago."

"We hit sixty-five million on the Powerball. Phil and I used to play the lotto every month. We were truck drivers and bought the ticket in West Virginia. We split it fifty-fifty."

Renee screamed, throwing her water across the room. "That bastard had millions while Bella and I lived in that rundown trailer! I could barely afford to give my daughter the basics…"

Billy comforted her while she cried. "Go on," he said, his voice calm despite the building storm.

Charlie looked down at the papers in his hands. "That's why I'm here. I made my brother give me a million of his money for an investment. He was always the life of the party, so I knew he would burn through the cash quickly. It's fairly common to see lottery winners go bankrupt."

Bella sniffled, reaching across the table for my hand. "He didn't want me?"

I pulled her into my lap, not caring about anything but making my gal feel better. "He was a damn fool."

"Don't take it personal, Bella. He was not a caring man. I was his brother and even we were distant."

Charles took a deep breath to compose himself. "I'm so sorry. Well, long story short, I went to school and eventually became a Licensed Stockbroker. I did well with the money he gave me. After I found out about you, I started clearing his accounts. He was nearly broke except for some classic cars and that initial investment he made with me."

Alistair opened his briefcase, pulled some papers out, and handed them to Bella and Renee. "Look these over. Charles Swan is prepared to give you remaining excess of Philip Swan's estate."

"How much?" Jake asked, getting straight to the point.

Charles answered. "After fees and taxes, it comes to a little over thirteen million. I also have a buyer lined up for the car collection, which should add another million to the pot."

My gal clawed at my hand, her heart beating frantically. "Fourteen…million dollars! I've never even had fourteen hundred all at once. I can't believe it."

Renee held up her hands. "I don't want any of it. Have it all put in Bella's name. She'll arrange a fund for Bethany. They deserve it after all the hell they've been through over the years."

Bella reached for her mother. "I won't take any of it if you don't, Mama. You need to pay off your bills and retire. You and Billy can be comfortable."

I tuned out when everyone started speaking at once. My gal now had enough money to make her my equal, financially speaking. She already didn't want me, but now…now she didn't even need me. I was happy for her and Renee, but a part of me wanted to be the one she depended on for money. I owed her.

Bella's voice brought me back around. "Mr. McDean, can you write out a check for one-hundred-and twenty five thousand to Edward Cullen?" She was paying me back for half of Bethany's surgery.

"Hell no, Bella! I'm paying for that procedure. It's the least I can do. If you give me the check, I'll just find a way to put it back into your account. I don't care about the money," I bellowed, startling the lawyers.

Eventually, Bella and Renee stated that they needed time to think things over. Charles Swan, who lived in Arlington Virginia, agreed to stay in town for the next few weeks. He wanted to get to know Bella and Bethany. He told us that he and his wife had married later in life, so they were both without children. I could tell that he was desperate for family.

After the meeting, we were all emotionally depleted. I called Tanya, Felix, and the rest of my family to tell them the new developments. Alice and Jasper were babysitting Bethany for the day. They were as speechless as I had been upon hearing the whole thing.

"How is Bella doing?" Alice asked quietly. "Tell her to call me."

My gal was practically comatose. We went to a popular restaurant and sat outside to eat. Fortunately only a few people recognized me, and the staff was more than happy to help keep onlookers away from our table.

"Mama, did you ever see him after I was born?"

Renee shook her head. "I would have told you if I had. As far as I knew, he never checked up on us. I'm as shocked as you, darlin'."

I managed to get Bella to eat a little of her fried chicken dinner, but it wasn't easy. Between the impending surgery and this new bombshell, she was exhausted. I rubbed the dark circles under her eyes lovingly.

"You need to get some sleep tonight. It won't do us any good if you get sick."

She wiped her mouth and took a sip of sweet tea. "I know. I just can't deal with this until I know Bethany will be okay. This is the most serious surgery she's ever undergone. We could…we could lose her."

"Think positive. It'll all work out for the best." I said, squeezing her hand.

"Thanks for being here today, Ed. I know things between us are weird, but I want you to know that you've been a good friend to me. You're also a wonderful father. Bethany adores you."

"It's easy to love you, both of you. Don't worry, Bethany is going to be just fine."

_**~~WIB~~**_

A day later, we stood in a private area of the hospital waiting for Bethany's surgery to be over. The specialists and their team had taken all the precautions necessary to make sure that she would get the best care possible. Even Ma had come and begged forgiveness from Bella.

"I'm so sorry, Ed," she said, hugging me like she did when I was a little boy. "I've been such a bitch."

I rubbed my hand gently up and down her back. "You're here now. Thanks for putting our family first."

It wasn't like Bella to hold any grudges, so she welcomed Esme freely. Renee and she also came to a truce, which made Pa breathe easier. Tanya and Felix had volunteered to babysit all the children at the Ranch, saying that they needed the practice. A hospital waiting room was no place for small kids that got bored easily.

I spent hours pacing and trying to keep Bella calm. Just when I thought I would pass out, Dr. Morales and Dr. Hutchinson appeared. They looked as tired as I felt in their dirty scrubs. My gal stood up, her whole body shaking from fatigue.

"How did it go?"

Dr. Morales sighed. "We did all we could, but she has slipped into a coma. We always knew this was risky. I'm so sorry, Ms. Swan."

Bella's legs gave out. I barely managed to catch her before she hit the carpet. There were tears and questions being asked from every direction. I felt like I was in some kind of vortex. I could see shapes and colors but nothing made any damn sense.

"What happened?" I asked when I was able to find my voice again.

Dr. Hutchinson took over for his beleaguered colleague. "It's a very delicate heart procedure. She started bleeding out on the table. It is a miracle that Dr. Morales has such steady hands. He was able to keep it from getting worse. This surgery is hard on adults and for a girl as little as Bethany… I'm so sorry."

Suddenly, all the noises hit me at once. The whole room was mourning, but Bella's anguished cry was the worst. She started fighting against my arms, but I held her steady. I was worried that if she stood up, she'd do something dangerous.

"What are her chances?" Billy asked tearfully.

"Seventy-thirty. I'm sorry, but the odds are not in Bethany's favor," Dr. Morales confessed.

My gal screamed. "I can't lose her! I promised her that she'd be okay. Let me go to her!"

Dr. Hutchinson said it would be another half an hour before they could move Bethany into ICU. Bella wasn't happy about another delay, but we had no choice but to wait. While we did, I took her to the hospital chapel. The family held hands while I prayed and sang _Amazing Grace. _I'd never been much for religion, but I begged God to spare my angel.

"Please," I sobbed. "Please don't take her from us."

It was almost another hour before we were allowed to see Bethany. She looked so small and helpless hooked up to all the tubes and machines. Bella rushed to her, kissing her cheeks affectionately. If it hadn't been for the constant beeping, I would have thought my baby gal was gone.

"You promised me, Ed! You said she'd be okay," Bella cried out, hitting me in the chest with her small fists.

I hugged her struggling body. "I'm sorry. I didn't know. Bella, please, we need to stay strong. There's still a chance…"

She pulled away from me violently. "Look at her! She's gone and you know it. I've been through this so many times, but never…. I can't live without my heartbeat."

Bella excused herself, going out into the hallway to use the restroom. Renee and the rest of the family came to say a short prayer. By the time my gal returned, I was making arrangements for us to spend the night. The hospital staff was very accommodating and moved an extra bed into the room for Bella. I insisted upon sleeping in the chair.

"Bella, Ma got us some soup. You need to eat," I said, holding out the container for her.

She pushed my hand away. "I'll just vomit if I eat anything. I just want to lie beside her and sleep."

I helped Bella up onto Bethany's bed, covering them both with the handmade quilt Renee had brought along. My gal was very careful not to disturb our angel. I pulled the chair as close as I could to the bed and ate some of the soup. It felt like lead in my stomach, but I knew that I'd need my strength. Bella was already shutting down.

Hours later, I was woken up by a frantic nurse. "Mr. Cullen, what did she take?"

I rubbed my eyes, trying to get used to my surroundings. "What?"

"Ms. Swan is unconscious. A nurse came in to check on Bethany. When she asked Ms. Swan to move, we noticed that she was unresponsive. She has gone into cardiac arrest."

"Damn it!" I screamed, standing up. I'd been so out of it and concerned for Bethany that I hadn't thought about Bella and her promise of suicide if something happened to our daughter.

"Do you know what she took?" Dr. Hutchinson asked, running into the room.

"No, I took some pills away from her… She threatened… I didn't think…"

"We're missing some sleeping and pain meds from the supply room," a new nurse said, looking at the doctor.

I suddenly understood. "When she went to the bathroom earlier…she must have... Oh god!"

As they were wheeling Bella out of the room, Bethany's machine stopped beeping. I'd seen enough medical shows to know the sound that followed meant a flatline. My eyes widened as I realized I was about to lose both my gals at the same time. I collapsed in a heap on the floor, crying out in pain.

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_Sorry to bring you all down on a Sunday. I can't give away spoilers, but please stick with me. Review to let me know what you think. *Huggles*_


	10. Chapter 10: White Horse Part 1 Outtake

_**A/N: This is the Bella outtake. There will be more B outtakes to come, but the next chapter will be a regular one. I have it almost done and will post this weekend. The song is on my Profile page. Thanks for all the love last chapter.  
**_

**WARNING:** Skip the first part if you have problems with Bella and James sexual encounters.

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_**BPOV**_

***Bella (age 18)*  
**

I woke up with the worst headache of my life. When I turned over, I realized that I wasn't alone in Renee's bed. All of a sudden, the events of last night came back to me. I'd invited James to my trailer after we spent the night drinking whiskey and smoking grass.

"Where you goin', baby," James mumbled, his cold hands making contact with my skin.

I felt my stomach lurch and quickly ran to the bathroom. I'd been really sick the last weeks after…he left. Edward had been the only person in the world that I truly believed loved me, but he'd cheated and dumped me in grand style.

"Whoa! You must o' had too much last night. I should have watched you since you're a light weight and all. Need any help?"

I waved James away before the next wave of nausea rendered me useless. He didn't give a damn about me, and I knew it, preferred it actually. I was no longer the naïve girl that thought real love existed—I just wanted a good time.

Almost an hour later, I finally managed to clean up and get dressed. I found James in the kitchen eating cold fried chicken. He stopped when I entered and looked me over. Grimacing, I fidgeted under his careful gaze. James and his dad liked to hunt and because of that, he had really good eyes.

"You look like shit, darlin'. A little hair of the dog?" he asked, holding up a half empty of Southern Comfort.

I shrugged. "Sure, why not. I'm off work this weekend, so what else is there to do in this shithole but get stinkin' drunk?"

"We could go to that church dinner or the fair."

"Just pour," I said, laughing at James for even suggesting we go out together.

The next time I came to, I was lying down on the couch while James removed my jean shorts. I tried to sit up, but he held me in place. Pretty soon, he was putting a condom on his dick. I reached for my glass, taking a big swig from the bottle on the table.

"Damn, baby. I'm gonna beat it up somethin' fierce. You've been teasing me all day," James promised, smiling like the villain in every book.

I groaned loudly. "Just do it already. I didn't invite you here for conversation."

James pushed inside of me, almost making me scream from the pain. He wasn't gentle, and I almost loved him for that. We'd started hooking up a month after Edward left me. James had always asked me out in high school, but I'd rebuffed him. One night, he flirted with me at the diner. I was feeling low, so I let him drive me home. He'd come in for coffee and ended up fucking me all night long.

"Did Ed ever do you like this, baby?" he asked, biting down on my nipple. I tried to push him off, but he kept my wrists over my head. "I like 'em feisty."

"Don't bring _him_ up again, or it's over!"

James smirked. "I hit a nerve, didn't I? How could he ever leave candy this good anyway? I always said that boy was slow."

I looked away, letting the tears fall freely until James pulled out. He hadn't really hurt me, but I hated talking about Ed. It was a sore subject with me, and everyone in Springfield knew it. I hated the looks of pity I got when I went out by myself.

"Hey, I didn't mean to make you cry. After we get cleaned up, I'll take you for a drive." James was extremely proud of his newly restored Mustang.

"Whatever," I muttered, standing up on wobbly legs. I felt like death warmed over.

By ten that night, we were extremely messed up. I had blacked out a few times and found James on top of me or behind me. I knew that he would always use condoms, because his half-brother Laurent was the playboy of our town and had already fathered six children at the ripe old age of twenty-three. James had always sworn that he wouldn't let anyone trap him that way.

"Can I drive?" I asked, giggling as James fingered me.

"Sure! I know you can handle stick."

_**~~WIB~~**_

Four days later, I woke up in ICU at the hospital. Renee and the doctor informed me that James and I had been in a major car accident. He walked away with only cuts and scratches, but I had broken ribs and the works.

"Why didn't you tell me, sweetie?" Renee asked, holding my bandaged hand.

"Tell you what?"

"That you're pregnant. The doctor says abortion might be your best option, andyou need to be kept here a few days for monitorin' and stuff."

I accused her of lying until the doctor confirmed it. At first, I thought it might have been James but according to the doctor's timeline, I'd been pregnant before I hooked up with him. It was then that I knew my baby belonged to Ed.

"Oh my god! What have I done? I want to keep my baby, Mama."

Renee nodded. "I'll make it right. I'm so sorry, Bella."

While I recovered, Renee helped me work out everything. She was sleeping with a local lawyer that got my charges reduced to DUI and underage drinking. I had to pay a fine, and my license was taken away. She was also my champion when the doctors tried to make me abort, eventually pulling me out of the hospital and setting up recovery appointments in the much bigger city of Nashville.

A week after I went home, James came to visit. His blue eyes were bloodshot and his blond ponytail was unkempt. Renee was out buying groceries, so I let him into the trailer. We hadn't spoken since the accident.

"I'm sorry, Bella. I shouldn't have let you drive when you were that wasted. Are you gonna be alright?"

I gestured for him to take a seat. "Yeah…. Look, James, I don't think it's a good idea for us to hang anymore. I'm, um, pregnant."

"Mine?" he asked eagerly. I was surprised to see a little bit of hope in his face.

"Of course not! You always wrap it up."

He sighed. "It's Ed, isn't it?" I nodded to confirm. "I always liked you in school. I know I'm not the best guy, but we could make it work. My dad wants legitimate grandbabies. We could get married, and build a house on that piece of land…"

"No," I interrupted, "it's nice of you to offer, but we both know there's nothing here. Go and live your life. I'll be just fine. I been taking care of myself since the crib."

James smiled. "I had to offer, baby. I'm actually movin' to Memphis at the end of this summer. Will you keep in touch?"

I walked over and kissed him on the cheek. "Nah, I'm done with bad boys. Take care of yourself, James."

"Ya know, Ed was a fool to leave you. Just…just raise that baby right," he whispered before walking out the door. It was the last time I saw him.

_**~~WIB~~**_

***Bella (age 19)***

For the next few months, we tried to find Ed with no luck. His family wasn't even in touch with him, so I didn't stand a chance. I thought about asking Jessica, but she had gone off to college in the Fall and promptly started dating some football player.

I was just getting out of the shower when I began having pains. It was too early for my daughter to be born, but she obviously didn't give a damn about timing. Renee was out, so I called my next door neighbors and had them drive me to the hospital.

The next several hours were full of pain, curses to Ed, and more pain. I wanted to die but not before I held my little girl. Just when I thought we would both go to the light, I heard the most precious sound. She was alive, and oh boy, she was loud!

"You've got a beautiful baby girl," Renee murmured, kissing my forehead.

A nurse carefully helped set my daughter on my chest. She was red with a scrunched up face, but the most beautiful thing I'd ever laid eyes on. I kissed her cheeks, promising her the world. She whimpered softly, acquainting herself with the new world.

"I'm your mama," I cooed, "Hello, Bethany Grace Anne Swan. I love you."

All too soon, the nurse had to take her away. The doctor told me that she'd have to stay in an incubator. Not only was Bethany premature, but she also had a host of health problems. I blamed myself for all the drinking and drug use before I knew I was pregnant.

"Don't blame yourself," Dr. Aaron said, "because even mothers that do everything right can have similar results. Right now, I need you to stay positive. Bethany is going to need your help to get big and strong."

Over the next several weeks, I worked like a dog. Even with government assistance, we needed money. I had to work multiple shifts at the diner and take on seasonal jobs like stocking and cleaning warehouses. When I wasn't working, I was at NICU with Bethany. Her hair and eyes were the same color as Ed's and being with her made me miss him even more.

I hated my life. I'd had to give up college and my dream of being a Financial Analyst, because Bethany came first. Counselors called to try and get me to change my mind, but when I explained my situation, they mostly understood. Higher education was the last thing on my mind as long as my baby was suffering.

One night, I went home after working twenty hours straight. I just wanted a change of clothes and to take a hot shower before I went to sit with Bethany. We were trying breastfeeding, and I was glad that it was working. I felt so useless all the time, so the least little bit of progress made me extremely happy.

When I pulled up to the trailer, I saw it. Red paint had been used to spell out the word 'whore' in capital letters. Our neighbor had called the police, but they weren't interested in investigating. I knew then that it was time for us to move.

Later, Renee and I made a plan. We'd use the money we had saved and whatever we could get for the trailer to move to Nashville. We looked online at the library and called around until we found a two bedroom apartment in our range. I also found a hospital that could treat Bethany and work with our limited income.

Two months after she was born, my baby girl was released from NICU. Renee and I had set up the nursery in our new apartment. After carefully loading everything in our old truck, we said goodbye to Springfield. I had nothing but bad memories and didn't shed a tear upon seeing it through our rear view window.

Luckily, I already had a job lined up in Nashville, so once again, I was working nonstop. By the time I got home, I was too exhausted to do more than get Bethany to feed and snuggle with her. I felt like the world's worst mom, but I had no choice but to stay employed.

Soon, Renee started having health problems of her own and things got even harder. We qualified for more assistance, though, so I was at least able to cut back on work hours a little bit. I spent most of my free time at hospitals and in doctor's offices.

With the help of friends and neighbors, we were able to have a fairly good first Christmas with Bethany. She would be turning one in the next month but was nowhere near walking. Most people thought she was still an infant because of her small size. The doctors said her organs didn't develop well, so she had problems with everything from digestion to her blood clotting. I was just happy that she was alive.

"Thank you God for this miracle," I whispered as I put another ornament on our tree. Many doctors had believed that my baby would not live this long.

Renee came over and placed Bethany in my arms. "She wants her mama."

"I love you so much, Bethany. I wish I could give you more, but you will always have my heart. I promise that I'll never leave you or let anyone hurt you. Please continue to fight, and I'll do the rest. You are special, baby girl," I sobbed, rubbing my cheek against her copper-colored hair.

She looked up at me, green eyes sparking and said, "Ma." It was the best Christmas present I'd ever received.

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_I cried writing it. NICU is Neonatal Intensive Care Unit for those that don't know. I volunteered in one a few years ago, and it broke my heart but also gave me hope for humanity. Those babies fight hard to stay on this Earth and teach us that every life is precious. Huggles to all._


	11. Chapter 11: Remember When

_**A/N: ** I am shocked at how many of you hate Countryward. He is trying. Thanks for all the love and please review. The song is on my Profile page._

_If you're looking for recs I have some good ones in my favorites._

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Three days. For three days, I had stood useless beside hospital beds and watched both of my sweet gals die. People came and went as I was forced to shower occasionally and change clothes. If it hadn't have been for their persistence, I would never have gone further than Bethany's and Bella's rooms.

Thankfully, Dr. Hutchinson had handled the situation surrounding Bella's overdose. He marked it as accidental in his charts. Since his family had donated a wing to the hospital, no one would question him. The nurses on duty had been glad to back him up and sign wavers—none of them wanted to see a grieving mother separated from her child by Social Services.

The sun had started to go down when Jasper walked in the room. I'd been sitting next to my sweet angel baby, just holding her tiny hand. She looked peaceful, but I still refused to let her go this early. We had so much left to do together.

"You need to eat, Ed," Jasper whispered, handing me some Tupperware. "Mama made that pot roast that you always loved."

I shook my head. "They can't eat, so why should I?"

Alice stepped from behind her husband. "Why don't you go take a break? I'll sit with Bella."

I agreed because I was starting to feel weak. Alice took my seat, and Jasper pulled the truck around so he could take me to the hotel suite near the hospital that Tanya had rented for our convenience. For the first time in my life, I was thankful I wasn't all that famous yet; because it meant my personal tragedy stayed private.

Before long, we were in the lobby of the Renaissance Nashville. A tall blonde and a redhead hurried their steps when they saw Jasper and I headed towards the elevator. My brother rolled his eyes, chuckling softly. I just lowered my cowboy hat and hunched down into the corner. The redhead turned out to be the bravest one. "Hey, I'm Tina, and this is Joanna. We're about to get cleaned up and then hit the town. You guys want to join?" "I'm married, darlin', and my brother here is taken. But we're flattered," Jasper said in that slow drawl that just made women love him. The blonde looked me up and down. "Damn shame! You look like you could use a good bottle of whiskey and a warm body tonight." I snorted. "I've had more than my fill of both. No thanks."

Fortunately, the party gals got off before us. I had a feeling the blonde one would have looked long and hard at my butt if given the chance. After what I'd been through with Bella, I knew what I wanted, and it wasn't my old cheap and easy thrills.

Once we got to the room, I headed straight for the shower. The hot water did wonders for my sore muscles. After that, I put on some fresh clothes and ate a dinner that I could barely taste. I hated being even this far away from Bella and Bethany.

"Okay, I'm ready to head back," I said, walking into the room. Jasper was sitting next to Pa and whispering.

"Son, you need to rest."

"I need to be with my gals right now more than anything. Just give me the keys so I can go!"

Jasper sighed. "Uh, Ed, Doc Hutchinson banned you from the hospital tonight. You won't be let back into that wing until you've had at least eight hours of sleep. You're about to keel over."

I grabbed a big clump of my hair and pulled. "Get out of my way," I practically snarled. "I'm not gonna just lay here when I could be with them."

Pa looked at me like I was one of the sick animals on his farm. "It's an order, Edward." He hardly ever used my full name. "I'm staying with you tonight in the guest room. If you try to leave, I will take you down. Doc thinks Bella will wake up tomorrow, and you need to be alert."

"Where's Ma?" I asked as I sat down on the sofa.

"She and Renee are sitting with Bethany. They have agreed that this whole thing is bigger than their old feud and just want to be helpful. Jake has volunteered to stay over with Bella," Pa informed us.

"Well, I gotta go. Alice and I need to get home and put the kids to bed. I just hope they haven't killed Ms. Tanya and that big fellow Felix." I laughed and hugged my brother.

I'd thought that sleep would escape me, but I was more tired than I'd expected. About ten minutes after putting my head on the pillow, I was dozing off. I read a few emails Tanya had forward to my phone before it all turned to darkness.

_**~~WIB~~**_

"What did I do? What did I do?" Bella sobbed while I hugged her tightly.

"Shhh, sweet gal, you were upset. No one is mad at you. But, Bella, don't ever do that to us again. We all love you too much to lose you."

My gal looked up at me, her eyes red and exhausted. "I just panicked, and then I saw that one of nurses didn't close the supply room door all the way. I grabbed what I could and took it to the nearest bathroom. Then I just chugged them down. I wanted to die, Ed."

The room was filled to capacity with various family members. Renee had barely been able to hold it together when Bella woke up, so Jake and Billy had taken her to the cafeteria. None of us had really had one good night of sleep since Bethany's surgery, and it showed on our weary faces.

"Don't you ever bloody do that again," Tanya said sternly, giving Bella a one-armed hug while Felix kept his arm protectively around her waist.

Rose and Alice bent down to kiss Bella's thin cheek.

"I was so worried that I was going to lose you when I just got you back," Alice confessed, tears falling from her light eyes.

Rose nodded. "Me, too. Next time talk to us. We're all family here."

Of course Bella wanted to see our daughter. I helped her into a wheelchair so we could travel down the Hall. Doc Hutchinson was by the bed writing in his chart when we got there. Dr. Morales was checking the machines and speaking to a nurse.

"Any improvement?" I asked nervously, wincing as Bella squeezed my hand.

Doctor Morales smiled. "I'm happy to say there is some improvement in her brain activity. You two have got a strong little girl. She's fighting to stay here. We're giving her all the help we can, but it's still a waiting game."

Bella buried her face in my hand and whimpered. "Thank God. She has to make it. She just has to!"

We were allowed to sit with Bethany for a while, but since she didn't show any signs of waking up yet, I suggested that Bella go back to her room and rest. She didn't want to leave, so some strings were pulled so that her bed was moved to our daughter's room.

Later, I sat by the bed and fed Bella the vegetable soup that Renee had brought over. She could only eat a little, but I could tell even that helped. It hurt to see my gal so fragile. My main goal was to get her back in top condition before Bethany recovered.

"That's enough, Ed," Bella muttered, pushing my hand away.

"Just one more bite."

"Okay, but that's it. I feel like I'm about to burst." I put the spoon to her soft lips and sighed when she swallowed.

"Uh, do you want some more ice water?"

She nodded. "Thanks. Mama will be back soon to sit with us. You should go home and get some rest. They told me that you've barely been away from this hospital."

I sat the dishes on the rolling tray and pushed it aside. Bethany's machine was still beeping steadily; even that small noise gave me some comfort. There was no way I was leaving them alone again. I'd already shown them my chicken-heartedness, but this time I would be brave.

I held Bella's agitated hands, kissing her face softly so she would calm. "I'm so sorry for what I did all those years ago. I was a goddamned fool to leave you. I was an ever bigger fool to never check up on you. And I was the biggest fool of all for breaking your heart in the process. I've been selfish and downright mean to you. After you overdosed…"

She tensed. "Please don't…"

"I just want to say that I finally understand what you felt that day that you found me with Jessica. When they were pumping your stomach, it was like I couldn't even breathe. You have always been the strongest one in our relationship. I'm so sorry I was weak and stupid. Please, just give me a chance to be in yours and Bethany's life. If that's all I ever have, I'll still be the luckiest man on this Earth."

My gal grimaced, pulling away from me. "I've struggled so much, Ed. You don't know how hard it's been on us. I just…don't know if I have anything to give you besides amicable friendship that people with a child together must share. To know… to know that you were fucking Jessica in England while I could barely put gas in our truck… It's just gonna take some time."

"I understand. I can never apologize enough. I feel like shit for all o' that. To be honest, I don't deserve your forgiveness," I admitted sadly.

"Ed," Bella whispered, "Anyone can be forgiven. I will say that actions speak louder than words. You have to show me that you want to be here for good. I can get over you abandoning me, but I would shoot you dead if you hurt Bethany."

"Never! I'm here for good, sweet gal."

She kissed my right cheek, her lips like a soft breeze on my skin. "Good. There's so much pain in our history, but I will try to meet you halfway. Right now, we need to focus on Bethany. When she does wake up, she'll need constant care and time to recover."

"I can hire a nurse."

Bella nodded. "Maybe, but I think it'd be best if we didn't move her too much. I'm willing to stay at the Ranch. The room to roam and fresh air will do her a world of good. Plus, with Jasper and his family there, we won't be tempted to make mistakes."

I frowned. "Was sleeping with me really such a big mistake?"

"It complicates everything. We have almost no control when we get together, but fucking each other's brains out isn't going to fix our problems. Though, I will admit it was a comfort to me when I was stressed," she admitted, smiling shyly.

I smirked. "I love being inside of you, Bella, but I'm not gonna touch you again until we're both ready to move forward in our relationship. I meant what I said about wanting it all. I was a fool before, but never again. Never again, sweet gal."

***Flashback (Age 19)***

_After saying a tearful goodbye to my family, I set out for Little Rock. Pa and Ma begged me to stay, but I needed to make my name. Jasper and Emmett understood, but they were still sad that their little brother wouldn't be around anymore. _

_I'd told myself that I would not bother Bella, but I couldn't resist getting one last glimpse of her. She'd called to curse me out and even gave back a bunch of the stuff I'd given to her over the years, but I'd avoided her. I really felt like I was doing the best thing for both of us, but a small voice in my brain also told me that I was being a selfish bastard._

_I parked in front of one of the empty trailers and set out on foot. I still had my key to Bella's door, so I used that to let myself inside. She was sprawled out on the bed wearing nothing but a pair of white cotton panties. I almost touched her before I remembered my resolve._

"_This is goodbye, sweet gal. You'll forget all about me," I whispered, kissing the back of her head._

_She stirred and mumbled, "Ed," but didn't wake up._

"_Take care of yourself." I put a quilt over her beautiful body. "I love you, Bella."_

_When I got back to the car, I cried for almost three hours. I made up all kinds of scenarios in my head where_ I _begged my sweet gal for mercy and she took me back. In the end, I chose to leave her, even though she had my heart. From that moment on, I promised myself I'd never love again. Loving deeply just hurt too damn bad._

_**~~WIB~~**_

"Remember when we used to go to the pond and skip rocks? You'd always brag and be downright annoyin' when you beat me."

My sweet gal laughed. "That's cuz you were always spoutin' that macho shit. I had to put you in your place and show you girls were just as good."

I smiled. "That's true. While you were recuperating, I thought about some of the good memories we have together. I'd like us to get back the friendship we used to have before I left. You were my confidant and everything in those days."

Bella got this real melancholy look in her tender brown eyes. "You were my world, Ed. Not a day went by that I didn't miss you, but it'll take a long time for me to trust you again. I may never be able to love you the same way."

I shed a tear upon hearing her blunt honesty. "I get it. All I'm asking is for a chance to show you I can change. I'm gonna do right by my gals this time."

_**~~WIB~~**_

A week later, Bethany was still in the coma. Bella and I were discussing our options, such as hiring a full time nurse and taking her home. We'd been staying together in the hotel, but there had been no sex. My sweet gal was starting to open up more to me and share her past. It hurt to hear what she had to say, but I needed to get to know the new Bella.

"James asked you to marry him? What the hell was he thinking?"

Bella giggled. "He was just tryin' to do the right thing. We would have never worked in the long run."

I shuddered. "I remember the way he used to stare at you in high school. I can't judge you for being with him, because of my past with Jessica. I'm just glad it's over."

"Well, he did write me last month…"

"You've got to be kidding me," I barked, standing up to pace.

"Calm down, Ed. He's marrying some preacher's daughter and looked me up to invite me to the wedding. I was just messing with ya'."

I rubbed my chest. "You're gonna be the death of me, gal. You always did know how to wind me up. How many times did we almost get caught fingerin' in Banner's Biology class. I didn't learn a damn thing that year."

Bella threw her head back and let out a full belly laugh—it was the most beautiful thing. She'd been eating regularly so that some of the shine was back in her hair. Truth be told, I wanted to push her down on the bed and make love to her all night long.

"Stop starin' at my nipples, you pervert," she teased before putting on a light jacket.

"Was I? Sorry, sweet gal. Old habits die hard."

She stuck her tongue out at me. "Let's go see our baby girl. Mama and I got her so many toys when we went to the store yesterday, and Charles had his secretary deliver more gift baskets. The room is so packed with presents, she's gonna think it's her birthday."

Bella had been talking to a therapist who worked with parents in our situation. It seemed to be helping her deal with everything. She was not allowed to have pills, and I routinely searched through her stuff. I really didn't think she'd relapse, but it was always better to be safe than sorry.

The hospital staff had gotten used to our family, so they really didn't complain as long as we stayed out of the way. I caused a small frenzy when I pulled out my Gibson and played some Alan Jackson—he was one of Bella's favorite country artists.

A few days later, we welcomed Bethany home. We'd already hired a top RN named Shelly Cope, who specialized in home care. Bella and I had also taken some classes so that we could help. Bethany was alive but unresponsive, so we were going to have to do everything for her until she came out of it.

"I'm so happy," Bella bawled, looking down at our miracle. "I can feel her again. She's gonna make it, Ed. I just know it."

I kissed my sweet angel baby. "Keep fighting, princess. Daddy will be right here when you wake up."

Bella took my hand and led me over to the couch. We spent the rest of the night telling our daughter stories about our past. My gal was sweet and often funny, which both warmed my heart but also made my chest ache painfully. It was just good to remember that it hadn't always been so bad.

* * *

_I know he's getting horny at inappropriate times but he's a man so you have to expect it. I hope this one gave you guys some hope. Bethany is not out of the woods yet but our little girl is fighting. Please review and huggles. _


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